Cosima and the Fishes
by DECOMA
Summary: A/U Cosima Neihaus, 17 years old, nearing school graduation and falling hard for the older woman next door neighbour...although she has no idea. "Oh crap, Cosima said to herself as she realised what she had on. The boyfriend, these weird feelings for Delphine, her birthday, graduation, the rest of her life, and a pit in her heart that she had no idea how to fill."
1. Chapter 1

1.

"Hello Cosima." Dennis her dad, said kissing the top her head and walking around her to take his place at the head of the dinning table. Cosima grinned at him, and he smiled back, waiting for her step mom to come in with dinner. Janice brought in the golden roast chicken and placed it down with a sparkling smile, once everything was ready Janice took off her thick oven mitts and placed them on the side, sitting down and telling everyone to eat up. Cosima stabbed into a load of roast chicken, piled on the veg and lathered everything in thick gravy and began to eat. Janice watched her like a confused animal, gently taking one vegetable at a time and positioning it on her plate. Dennis saw the exchange and laughed it off, Janice had been with him for a year now and she never had any kids of her own, and now she had a 17 year old step-daughter. It would be strange for anyone. Cosima lifted her eyes and caught Janice looking at her, as usual Janice gave back her best smile and looked down at her own food. Cosima shot a look to her dad and they both smiled.

"So Cosima, how is the meal?" Janice asked, putting a small portion of her dinner in her mouth and chewing. Cosima swallowed her huge mouthful and then replied.

"Yeah it's good, delicious even." Cosima smiled and put some more in her mouth and wiping up some gravy that was coming out at the sides of her lips.

"Delicious, my darling." Dennis complimented, putting his hand on top of the table and letting Janice take it in a loving grasp. They were in love. Cosima could see that, it was just always awkward. Janice never had a kid before, and it wasn't as though Cosima was high maintenance or anything. She just kept to her own. "Done anything exciting at school lately? Graduation soon." Dennis asked, looking slowly from Janice to Cosima.

"Yeah, it's getting hella exciting, we're looking at the basics of stem cells and it's so interesting you know, like I can really see myself getting into it." Cosima said and then finished up what was on her plate. She loved her dad, they had it tough and she always felt guilty for her mother some how. Cosima's mother died in child birth so it had always been just the two of them, he a science lecturer at the university and Janice a local cooking teacher. Both passionate about their careers and both intelligent people. Cosima had all the intelligence, but Janice was afraid she would waste it.

"Any boy's in your life?" Janice asked with a smile, and an encouraging little giggle. Cosima's smile faded and she chewed a little slower, Dennis cleared his throat a little.

"I have a boyfriend." Cosima stated. "His name is Scott we met earlier today, we're dating and its pretty serious." Cosima's whole tone changed, but she had to say something. Janice had been up her back about this for months. Her dad never made his position on it clear.

"Just met today and it's already serious?" Dennis said, it was the first he had heard of it. Janice looked curiously over at Cosima.

"Yes. Very serious." Cosima again stated. She needed to add to the story. "We met on the train to school this morning, and now we are dating." She saw the sly look of disbelief in Janice's eyes as her dad and step-mom exchanged a look. "What did you think I was a lesbian?" Cosima asked her voice failing a little at the last word, a fake smile on her face. Her blood was boiling hot under her skin and she hoped it was not showing on her face. She was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with this dating stuff until university. Janice smirked but felt awkward too, her fork and knife in her hands resting on the table around her plate.

"No, of course not, it's just you haven't had anyone..in a while." Janice stated, Cosima was already sick of her fake smiles and politeness and it had been about 10 minutes.

"Well actually sexuality is like a spectrum." Cosima began before being interrupted by Dennis, he coughed and asked Janice to pass over the jug of water. He shot Cosima a look. With a giant sigh Cosima got up, wiped her mouth on her sleeve and left the room, leaving Dennis and Janice to exchange awkward looks alone.

In her room, she slumped herself on the bed, put her hands in her head and sighed once more. It was always awkward when it came down to her sexuality it was like something no one could talk about. She wasn't a lesbian, at least she did not think so, she just wasn't interested...in anyone for that matter. She was tempted to text Scott the boy she had actually met on the train that morning but was not dating. He seemed nice, dorky and reserved but nice. She thought she should, that way she could brag she at least had one friend. But her phone was no where to be seen, she scouted all over, even checking behind paintings and charcoal drawings she had done but not yet pinned up on her walls just in case. When it was no where to be found she gave up, deciding to spend the night studying, maybe even learn French which she was trying to do for weeks now but never having the time. Then she realised. Her phone was on the windowsill. Pulling back the curtain she grabbed it, waiting there as it had the best signal and unlocking her screen. She didn't even have enough attention span to put the pass code in before her eyes were drawn to the road outside her next door neighbours house.

A woman standing on her lawn watching moving men pull belongings out of a big white van and walk them into her house. At that moment they were carrying a nice looking sofa across the law and past the woman. Cosima's eyes were locked. The woman was stood her arms across her body, watching the men. It was dark because of the time of night, but she could make out that the woman had amazing locks of blonde hair cut above her shoulders. She was wearing some kind of white tight dress just short of the top of her knee and with thin shoulder straps. As Cosima stared she didn't realise her phone had dropped to the sill, all of her attention was on this beautiful woman before her. No idea why, no logical reason, but this woman just drew everything out of her and brought it all to focus. Cosima was hooked. Before a second had passed the woman's eyes followed the mover men up her lawn, and then trailed across Cosima's and up to her bedroom, the light attracting her. Cosima's eyes locked with hers. She didn't move at first, and the woman smiled sadly, waving slightly. Cosima's eyes went wide and she fell back from the window, closing the curtains and falling onto her bed. Her heart beating so fast and she could feel the heat on her face. For some reason her head was spinning like she had been knocked out. Without thinking her hand went to her side draw pulled out her spliffs she made earlier in their plastic wrap, unwrapped one, lit it up and fell back on the bed again. Her fingers held the spliff as she inhaled, pulling it out and holding her breath in. All her thoughts were consumed with that woman. Her hair. Her sad smile. Her body. Her dress. Even the way her sad eyes glistened in the dark moonlight. She exhaled.

"Fuck." Cosima said, taking another drag and really feeling the material of the bed sheets under her skin as the weed kicked in. That woman, Cosima thought. She needed to know her. Tomorrow she would, Cosima declared, exhaling again and falling deeper under the trance of the strong substance.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Cosima jumped out of bed, pulled off her pj's, grabbed a shower before anyone could get there before her and was ready and dressed in her room faster than she had ever been. Even if she was still up late. She needed to get this school day over with just so she could go and introduce herself. 6:30am was a little too early to do that now, Cosima thought, and sighed, grabbing her bag pushing her black rimmed glasses up her nose and heading downstairs. It didn't worry her, the woman would still be there in a week when school finished. Once out of the front door, closing the heavy door with a thud behind her, she jumped the few steps down to her own lawn quickly sneaking a look at next door. The garden was messy and not yet tamed, maybe she could ask to help out with that at weekends? Or maybe mow her lawn regularly? Cosima shook her head, such thoughts were stupid, so she cleared her head, unsure as to why they all suddenly pounced on her at that moment. And why was she so eager to spend time over there?

At the train station she grabbed the 6:34am train, and sat in her usual carriage. Scott was sat opposite her, they were smirking at each other but not quite showing it. But eve after two days they knew it was a look both of them secretly shared. There were people all around them packed into the small space. With a more obvious smile Cosima got up, went over to the man sitting next to Scott an whispered in his ear.

"Excuse me. " the man said grabbing his things and quickly getting up and scurrying away fast. Cosima laughed and slumped herself on the chair next to Scott. Scott was beaming at her black rimmed eyes and looked to the man that was no on his way to the next carriage. Cosima dropped her bags to between her legs and smiled back at him.

"What did you say to make him move?" Scott asked, confused but impressed. Cosima leant to Scott.

"I told him you had some infectious disease and told him to not make a scene but to leave immediately, and that I was your doctor." Cosima stated with confidence pouring out of her words. Scott laughed and looked down the carriage again.

"Wow. And that worked?" He asked, Cosima shrugged her shoulders and relaxed back into her chair with satisfaction. Scott was a little awkward, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking down to his fumbling hands.

"Cosima." Cosima said holding out her hand for him to shake, he took it and she could feel how nervous he was by the clammy palms.

"Scott." He said. Cosima already knew this.

"I know." She said, Scott looked a little perplexed and furrowed his brow.

"How?" He asked, very confused. Cosima leant in very close, giving the sensation that she was going to kiss him but stopped. Scott tensed up and let out a faint laugh.

"It's on your bag. Scott, you wrote your name on your bag." Cosima said with a laugh and fell back again, pulling her red coat up around her, it was freezing today. Scott looked at his bag and realised, nodding in defeat at having the allusion thwarted that she somehow knew and it was fate that they met. Cosima saw his face and knew the effect she was having on him. She didn't know why but there was a new found confidence inside of her that she suspected was always there but never surfaced. She'd never had this effect on anyone before. Scott was cute, in a geeky way. Who was she to judge, she was head of the science society at school, and even worked in a drug store part time. Even though she met him and they said hi to each other she had seen him every day on that train for the past few years but never said a word. It was not until yesterday when he happened to look over to her and she caught his eye that she even really registered his existence. She was even sure they went to school near by each other. But now they were sat next to each other on the train, talking for the first time and Cosima felt really confident. But it was not like any confidence she had had before, it seemed incomplete in some way. As if she was just trying to feel a certain way and not really getting there. Oh well, at least she had one friend.

Cosima was right, he did go to a school near by, and they went their separate ways. Scott picked up an old looking road bike that was chained to a fence and rode off with a wobbly stride, and Cosima walked down the station to the pedestrian exit at the opposite side, heading to school.

School came and went and she was already back on the train, he was standing this time in the busy carriage holding onto a rail. She saw Scott and whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

"I have lice." A woman next to her shot her a look and got up from her seat looking disgusted and walked away down the carriage. Scott got the hint and sat down next to her laughing and smiling to Cosima. "Hello Scotty." Cosima said, relaxing back into the uncomfortable chair and pulling out her ear phones that she had in on the way to the train.

"Where do you get this stuff from?" Scott asked shaking his head in amused disbelief that someone would do that, he looked back to her and she gave him a childish fangy grin.

"Intuition. She took too much care of herself and her hair, what I said would make her run a mile." Cosima looked about and saw no sight of her already. She must have walked fast. Scott relaxed next to her too, putting his bag like hers between his legs by his feet.

"What were you listening to?" Scott asked motioning to the sound coming from her headphones. She looked down at them and realised what he meant, she smiled.

"Oh it's French, you might not know it?" She gave him an awkward look as if expecting him to say 'I know the one' as if there was only one French song in existence. He shrugged his shoulder and motioned for her to say more. "I love French music, it was 'Laisse tomber les filles'. Which is translated to something like stop messing around with the girls. It's not a man hating as it sounds, it' really catchy, Here." Cosima handed him a ear bud, and took one for herself putting it in her ear and getting her mp3 out. She replayed the song and they both listened. She was jumping to the catchy tone and after a second he was nodding his head to it. When it ended he handed the ear phone back to her.

"I like it, but I have no idea what she just said." Scott finally said after the silence, Cosima grinned.

"Neither do I. But I love the song. I listen to it when I'm getting ready to go out or something...I don't really go out often." She added in an awkward tone. He laughed. "But I am learning French so I will in no time." Cosima added, even though she had not picked up a single French book in weeks. He looked at her with admiration, Cosima noticed and her face flushed. He was so gawky, but it was so adorable. The train conductor announced that her stop was coming up, slowly with an apologetic look she got up and walked down the train, saying nothing but leaving him flushed in the face too. Before she could get home she had to do a small shift at the drug store, then get home for dinner and then she could go next door and introduce herself.

At the drug store Cosima went straight to the back, through the isle and almost knocked over a ladder containing her colleague Mark.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." Cosima said grabbing the ladder to steady it with one hand and the other going to her mouth in shock. She looked up to him. He had blonde hair, rimless specks and was thin looking another dork but he had some charm about him.

"This is why the signs there, that says be careful?" Mark joked, Cosima smirked at him and carried on past, dumping her school stuff on the staff counter and pulling out her lab coat. Putting her arm through the sleeve she walked past him again with care this time and out into the main shop.

"Maybe if you didn't spend so much time up that ladder you would have a date by now." Cosima joked, he looked after her whilst she walked with a sour but amused expression. He had not been on a date in months. He carried on stocking the shelves.

"You have all the personality that's why you are upfront, I..I have shelf stocking skill." Mark retorted, Cosima laughed and ignored him walking to the front of the store and approaching a customer.

Once 6pm struck she practically ran to the back of the store, almost knocking Mark down a second time, pulling her coat off half way, grabbing her stuff and running past him again.

"Hey, Cosima where's the fire?" Mark asked, she didn't even give him and explanation, she had no idea why she was running either, and why it was so important that she got back. Already out of breath from the lack of exercise and long nights studying she clutched at her stitch as she got to the end of her street. Walking the rest of the way, her bag dragging along the floor, she caught her breath and looked briefly over to the neighbours house. Janice was in the garden, talking to the new woman. As if someone had just shouted gun, she dived into her own garden's rose bushes and just skimmed them when she fell to the grass on the other side. After a few seconds, making sure they hadn't seen her she got to her feet, bent down just lower than the bushes dividing their garden and crept up the stairs to her house. For some unknown reason Cosima was freaking out, her heart was racing and she felt all flustered but she had no idea why, there was no science behind it or logical reason for her feelings, she got to the door and ran inside. She didn't even say hi as she would normally she just ran to her room and to the window. They were just talking, nothing else, Janice was wearing her gardening white hat and talking, motioning with her arm to the bushes around the woman's garden. The blonde nodded along but there was something that suggested she was not at all interested. Cosima watched the conversation although she could not hear it, and opening the window which already creaked would not be discrete. Why she wanted so badly to hear what they were saying was beyond her. With a big force she took her attention away from the window climbed off of her bed and went over to her stereo, pressing the play button. Immediately Laisse tomber les filles broke through the speakers and she began to peel her clothes off. A little sweat was around her forehead from running and so she cleaned herself up in the bathroom. When she turned the tap off after washing her face there was a call for dinner.

"Cosima, dinner is on the table." Dennis called up the stair well, as if her life was on the line she shot out of the bathroom, drying her face with her sleeve and practically flew down the stairs. Almost running into Janice.

"Oh dear, what's the matter?" Janice asked with sympathy, as she looked at Cosima's hurrying body running into the dining room. "My cooking isn't that good is it?" She said walking in after her, and taking her seat opposite Cosima.

"It always is." Dennis said with a sensual tone, hugging Janice and taking his seat. Tonight they had something, but Cosima didn't care for what, all she cared about was the woman next door.

"Thank you dear." Janice said, briefly touching his hand before picking up her wine glass. "Enjoy." Cosima was already tucking into whatever it was, filling her plate with just enough to sustain her, but not her massive appetite. After she realised she couldn't just leave, Cosima slower her pace and ate normally not looking up at anyone. For some reason she had this guilt all over her. But there was nothing to be guilty about. There was an awkward pause when everyone was eating. Janice had to break the silence. "So I was over out our new neighbours house today." Cosima's ears pricked and she looked up a little too obviously, but Dennis was too busy looking at Janice and Janice was too busy in her own story. "And she said that she has a new little puppy but her new work wants her to work later shifts and she needs a dog sitter or somthi-"

"I'll do it." Cosima stated before Janice could continue, Janice laughed a little.

"Really? I mean you have never looked after a dog before-"

"Yeah I can do it. I need the money." All sorts of weird and funny feelings were coming over Cosima right now and she didn't know what to think about it.

"What do you need the money for?" Dennis asked confused, they always gave her pocket money, and she worked at the drug store so she wasn't poor.

"I'm studying French. I need some urrr books." Cosima quickly excused. Dennis seemed accepting, happy that she was buying her own study stuff now. Janice looked over at her suspiciously as she cut up the bit she was about to eat. Cosima finished up her meal and got up from the table. I should go ask her if that's alright now. Before she could get a response she walked out of the dining room and into the hall way, slowly as her heart was going crazy she unhooked the door and walked out into the crisp evening air, the sun setting in the distance. She skipped the path to the pavement, and hoped over the dividing bushes, walking across the lawn with her hands tight around her chest. She left her coat in her bedroom. With a deep breath she stepped to the porch and approached the door.

"Calm down Cosima." She whispered to herself, there was no reason for her to be ths nervous and excited and...childish. She got her shit together and pressed her fist to the door, taking another breath and knocking. There was a pause. Cosima had not expected her to not answer. She stepped back a little from the door, adjusted her top, licked her teeth with her tongue and waited. When there was no answer she reluctantly turned around to leave.

Click.

"Bonjour?" The woman greeted in a tired voice, Cosima froze. She was French. She was fucking French. On the turn of her heels Cosima turned around, a nervous grin on her face. This was the first time she had ever been this nervous. 'What the hell does Isay? How does one English?' Cosima thought to herself. The woman leant up on the side of the door frame her arms across her face. Cosima caught sight of her delicious eyes and face and petite nose and red lips and blonde hair and long neck and low top and the tight jeans and...STOP!

"Hi, I'm Cosima."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Delphine heard the knock on the wooden door, and got up placing her wine on a box she had brought into the kitchen a few hours before. Her whole house was covered in boxes. Coming down the hall and wiping the dried tears form her eyes she opened up the door.

"Moving men, we're ready to unload." The man said, he had his blue overalls on, he handed a clipboard over to Delphine and she took it, looking at it the words as they slurred on the page. Too much comfort wine, she signed where she thought she ought to an handed it back. He was already half way down the path, and whistled, the back of the van opened up and someone jumped out bringing with it more boxes and unwrapped furniture. They carried the stuff in; she gave directions for where each would go. With the money her dad gave her, she had enough to afford people that would place it for her. All she needed to do as look over what they did. Eventually they got into a rhythm, she stood on the lawn in the cold night air with nothing but a thin white dress and watched them unload and unpack. They came back a while later after sorting out the upstairs and were beginning to unload the living room. Before they brought the sofa out she wiped a tear from her eye. Moving was hard. Heartbreak was hard. But moving in alone when you were so used to someone being there for years was even harder. She wiped up her fresh tears just as they walked past her. They avoided her eyes. They knew, everyone knew, she was a wreck. Her eyes followed them in and trailed up the ivy that grew on the side of her house and then dropped back to the unkempt lawn. That would be another thing she would have to do. She wasn't much of a gardener. Then she noticed a light coming from the next house over, expecting to see no one but curtains, she looked up.

A silhouette of someone small in the window, not clear who or what gender but someone. When her eyes adjusted to the light of the bedroom and she could see their features she smiled awkwardly and waved her hand at her chest hight. The girl was breath takingly beautiful. Absolutely stunning but in a non-conventional way, she had thick glasses and a gawky look and dreds but she was..._beau_. The person, whoever they were fell backwards as if something had happened and did not come back to window.

The next time she saw the person from the window was the next day, leaving for somewhere, a back pack slung on her back. She looked tired but excited in her step. Delphine watched from her living room windows, through her new net curtains. There was a strange enthusiasm in the girl, Delphine had never properly seen her or even talked to her, she didn't even know her name but there was something alluring about the way she walked.

Delphine knew that it would come to this, she would have to talk and get to know the neighbours. _Mon Dieu_. The woman walked up her lawn and she could see from the window that his woman was a step ford wife type she even had a gardening cap and white three quarter lengths. The woman walked up the door looking all over the house with her eyes before knocking. With a deep sigh of impatient Delphine walked to the front door, put on her best fake smile and opened it up.

"Hello there! I'm Janice from next door." Janice said with a beaming smile, Delphine came out of her door, not allowing the woman to come in and smile politely. She looked the woman up and down and tried to see where she had come from.

"Bonjour, I'm Delphine, nice to meet you." Delphine said with pained interest. The woman was holding a tray of cookies and looked like she was handing it to her. Delphine quickly took it and smiled at them. They looked delicious a real treat, and to be honest she hadn't eaten much all day, just wine and popcorn. She liked to watched old romance films when she was sad.

"My dear are you ok?" Janice said with a fake sympathy, Delphine realised she probably looked like crap and pushed her hair behind her ear, she lifted her sad head and gave a promising smile.

"oui oui, urr sad film. Thank you so much for the cookies." Delphine said, taking them in both hands and looked awkwardly at Janice. Janice noticed the lack of flow to the conversation, if it could be called that. She smiled, tilted her head and stepped back to the stairs.

"Well I won't keep you from it any longer alright, we're from next door." Janice pointed to the house that the girl was in last night. "So just pop by whenever you want and say hello. Maybe dinner one night?" Delphine hated eating at others, American cuisine, already after two days was nothing like France.

"Merci. I'm sure I will." Delphine said, stepping back too into the comfort and warmth of her doorway. They awkwardly smiled and nodded to each other. Delphine waved quickly and closed the door behind her, running to the kitchen, putting the tray down and breathing fast. This was going to be weird. Very weird, and she had no one to experience it with.

"Delphine." The woman said, referencing her name. She seemed tired and a little lost as to why Cosima was there, but there was a sparkle in her eye. Cosima took the woman's hand to shake as it was extend towards her. She was shaking not from the force woman's gentle hand on her own; she was so nervous she could stop shaking. Delphine felt the small teen shake but ignored it, she must be cold. "Enchante" She whispered into the cold air. The girl smiled wildly like a child at Christmas and she felt warm inside all of a sudden. Cosima let go of her hand and tilted her head and grinned.

"Enchante." She said in a mock French accent. It was no where near as attractive and alluring as hers..wait what, Cosima suddenly stopped herself at the thought. Quickly ignoring it. After a few seconds of neither saying anything and Delphine standing there pulling her grey cardi further around her from the cold Cosima spoke.

"Oh sorry, I.." Cosima was freaking out trying to find words when her head was spinning. "I live next door-" Cosima began, but hushed as soon as the blonde cut in.

"I know..I saw you, at the urrr, the window, last night." Delphine said a little embarrassed to admit that she saw. But then they both looked to each other, they both knew. Cosima's heart skipped a beat.

"Oh yeah, I was looking at my plants." What plants? Why Cosima, why are you being so stupid, there are no plants. "On the lawn." Cosima added. It did not help. Delphine watched Cosima with careful and curious eyes, amused by the girls splutterer and words. She was not cold. She was nervous.

"Would you like to come in?" Delphine suddenly thought, stepping aside. Her manners were not amazing as of late, moving from France was a totally different world. Before Delphine had a chance to step aside properly, Cosima agreed and was walking. As the girl walked past Delphine smiled to herself and closed the door behind them.

"Wow, rad place! You really decorated quickly!" Cosima said taking in the scene. The walls were tall and dark earthy colours, with paintings and flowers on little tables. The door frames were mahogany and were old looking, vintage even. The stair case had a red thin carpet all down it and it lead beautifully to the top. What was up there? Before she had a chance to take anything more in she felt a weird weigh on her legs and felt some hard things all over them. A puppy! She looked down and immediately Cosima's face lit up at the little white Labrador face. It had flappy ears and big bright brown eyes. "Oh my god it is so cute!" Cosima exclaimed, stroking the dog and flapping about its face as it wagged it's tail wildly. Delphine let back against the door, sighing and in her deep French accent spoke.

"Yes, she is brand new, I got her yesterday, as a sort off...sort of home present?" Delphine said, not really able to find the words to describe it.

"Home warming." Cosima added. "Well congrats on the new place." Cosima was still stroking the dog and Delphine walked past her to be in the hall. Cosima for a second lost it at the smell of her perfume. What was that amazing scent? Cosima looked up forgetting the dog for a second and followed the woman, looking up her legs to her middle, to her back and to her head which was turned to see her. Delphine smiled.

"Would you like a drink?" Delphine asked, Cosima nodded and followed Delphine to her kitchen at the end of the hall, letting the little pup jump at her and patter past her as she did. Once she got there, Delphine grabbed a tall thick green glass from a cupboard above the sink and began to pour some water into it from her tap. Cosima took it from her with a smile and felt a tingly sensation when their fingers touched. Cosima's whole body melted at Delphine's smile.

"Thanks." Cosima said, not even thinking to drink it, she just held it for a second and then remembered to be human. Sipping the glass the slightest bit, like Janice would and smiling at the refreshment. She realised she had to tell the woman why she was here. "Oh I actually came here to like see if you still wanted a dog sitter or whatever, because I could totally do it. Like I would do it so well." What the hell had come over her, she was acting like a complete dork. Cosima mentally slapped herself. Delphine laughed softly at the remark and then nodded, looking down at herself and then back up, their eyes locking.

"I do. _Merci_." Delphine stated. Watching Cosima thirstily drink the rest of the water and her eyes look anywhere but at her own. Cosima was still freaking, she could feel her pulse on her neck and she knew for a fact her cheeks were bright red. "I work late and have a few errands to run. But a new place, new dog. I need it to be safe, _comprendre_? I am looking for more of someone to just help around the house. I am... alone." Delphine said looking sad. Cosima felt this sudden urge to look after her, to protect her, to take away all of her worries and sadness.

"I can do it." Cosima said with a beaming grin, her nerves a little subsided. What exactly was part of it was not clear but she would do it.

"Well how about we do a test now. I need to get bread for my dinner, so urr, you stay and I will be back soon?" Delphine asked, stepped aside a little and raising an eyebrow. Wow. Cosima was in awe of her face, no reason, her mind was just in a vice around this woman.

"Sure." She said before even thinking. Delphine turned around the kitchen's island counter and grabbed her purse. She was about to leave the room before turning back to Cosima. In the nicest voice she could have ever spoken in, Cosima's heart fluttered.

"Maybe some wine, we can talk more, get to know each other?" Delphine offered. Cosima tried to control herself, act natural, act cool. She just nodded politely and followed Delphine to the door. "Spare key here." Delphine pointed to a key hook. "She had already had food, urmrshe just needs to be, tidied." Delphine looked apologetic about the various messes little pups could do, but Cosima did not mind she couldn't care whether the dog obliterated the living room, she just needed to be in this place. Something was addicting her to it. Delphine smiled and watched Cosima, stepped behind the door, dropping her gaze, biting her lip and shutting it behind her. Cosima noticed the lip bite and it sent a thrill all through her.

"Holy watershed." Cosima whispered into the echoy house, she watched the silhouette of Delphine walk away down the path and into the distance. Turning on her heels, she saw the puppy at the end of the corridor. It paused looking at her, Cosima stood still looking to it, suddenly it burst into life and charged at her, its tail wagging enthusiastically and its mouth open in a tongue smile. It leaped at her with its smile might and she caught it around her knee's and pulled it up into a tight hug. She had never had a dog or a younger sibling or anything she could just give love and kindness too. She carried it into the living room and looked about the place. It was really nice, perfect even. Chic sofa with no TV but a lovely large coffee table and flower vase, boxes were stacked under the window and she could see into an office area that there were even more in there too. She carried the dog to the sofa and checked her watch. She had time to look around. Cosima put the dog down, and it followed her black patterned tight legs, scratching at them with it's small paws. Then she realised she didn't even know it's name. After a while of cooing over the dog not being able to get up the steep stairs properly she picked it up again and plopped it softly on the top, letting it look in amazement at the drop below the small balcony. Cosima stepped out into the hall, there was a hall on either side of her, green paint with mahogany skirting boards and hardwood flooring. There were giant canvases on the wall which looked like she had done the herself, she looked at the signature on the bottom, she could just make out the scribbled letters. 'Delphine Cormier'. Cosima felt a warmth all over her and something clicked inside of her mind. Delphine Cormier, her internal monologue spoke. She snapped out of the fantasy about her name. Continuing on her journey, the dog yapping happily at a door, she opened it up. It was Delphine's bedroom boxes were still at one end but the rest was perfect, already decorated. She had a giant window at the opposite side, a vanity dresser to its left with perfumes and styling equipment and a red velvet stool, and there were long dresses and coats hung up on an exposed clothing rail. Instinctively Cosima went about the room, straight to the clothes and looked at them all, the range of designer wear, from summer dresses to cocktail to ball gown. She had everything. Cosima was so excited by what she wore that it was a little weird, so she stepped back, falling onto a chest of some kind. Peeking around the place and pushing her glasses up her nose, her natural scientific curiosity took over. She unhooked the lock and peered inside.

Inside there was nothing but old shoe boxes and bits of fabric, old perfumes and more stuff that somehow suited this place entirely. Maybe she had no where to put it? Cosima pulled out one of the show boxes, and opened it up. Old photos, a bundle of photos wrapped in a plastic band. She pulled it off and looked at them. Two woman, one was Delphine and she was hugging another, a woman. Cosima picked up the photo individually and flipped it over, checking the back, it had to names. 'My love.' it had the same scribbled handwriting that she had seen on the canvas. Cosima quickly turned it back around to check it over once more, it was definitely a woman. Cosima gulped. She put the photo downwards on the floor and checked out the next few. They were all of them in that same place in different positions. She put them one by one on the floor on top of the other until she froze. Cosima fell back onto he knee's, staring at the image. Delphine was kissing the woman. Not just kissing but her hands were holding the other woman's face between her hands. Her leg was even slightly up in the embrace. Cosima dropped the photo and looked to the next, it was a few seconds after the kiss, they were closer together, as if one, and their kiss was more intense. Surprisingly Cosima was more involved in who took the pictures rather than the two of them. Although the image of Delphine so vulnerable in the kiss hung in her mind and made her feel light headed. The pup came up to her side and brushed against her causing the photo pile she had made to mix up.

"Crap." She said, grabbing them back up and trying to find the order, she was panicking. What if Delphine noticed. She stuffed them back into a pile, pulled the rubber band around it, put the box back and slammed the chest shut, grabbing the pub and getting out of there.

Cosima stayed downstairs until Delphine came home.

"Bonjour!" Delphine said opening the door, a little bit of rain was falling outside so he held a news paper above her head. Shaking it off and dropping it to the side table, she went to the kitchen and pulled out the French bread and wine. Cosima waiting in the living room for a minute later and then getting up and going to the kitchen. Delphine turned around a platter in her hands, French sticks all cut up into chunks and two pots of what looked like flavoured oils. The bottle of wine was uncorked on the slate too. Cosima's heart leaped but she had to go. There was no reason but she felt so guilty staying here and seeing that Delphine was kissing that woman, and now she was over her house and there was bread and wine and she just couldn't.

"I'm like really sorry but I can't stay, I have to like study my French." Oh god she couldn't say that now, Delphine was French, it was all so French and now she told her she was studying. Urg. Delphine didn't speak she was still smiling and seemed to have frozen to place. Cosima stood awkwardly waiting for some kind of response. Delphine dropped her slate a little and then turned to the kitchen island, then back Cosima. Cosima smiled and then dropped her smile. They paused.

"Oh no problem, it's fine. Ok, urr see you tomorrow urr, yes." Delphine stuttered. Cosima was already half way down the hall. There was no reason, but she just had to run, like she ran from the drug store, she just did.

"Fuck Cosima." Cosima shouted to herself, she did not go home, she skipped over the rose bushes and went off down the road into the darkness. "You cannot be gay." Cosima stated about Delphine. For some reason it just felt wrong, it just felt weird it felt like everything she had been considering all her life was wrong. And the worst part was that, Cosima, 17 year old Cosima actually didn't know something. All her life she was as sure as she could be, she knew what cereal she liked and how much, she knew how much sugar in her coffee, she knew what the alignment of cells were and where to find them...but what she didn't know. Why there were butterflies in her stomach whenever she thought of this woman next door.

When she got home she ignored Dennis and Janice and shot upstairs dragging her feet and feeling this horrible sensation of denial all through her. She didn't know why, her mind was blocking it. She heard about this in class, its like a defence mechanism where your mind repressed certain thoughts, emotions and feelings. Like when someone dies and you feel 'nothing', you do feel it, but your bodies like hell no, not dealing with that. Cosima shut her door with a push, it never shut properly. The bolt was pulled across and she ran to the window opening it, next to the side draw pulling out her weed and lighting it.

Inhale...hold...exhale...

Cosima fell back on the bed, smiling at the associated sensation of calm that even the fist drag gave me. For a second, she forget everything.

And then the guilt sunk in.

"What are you so guilty about?!" Cosima whispered as she exhaled the white cloud like smoke. Why was she so guilty? Then she realised that she was all tensed up and maybe that was why. Quickly she walked over the stereo pushed the play button, the French song she adored was just finishing and now the rest by Fabienne Delsol were playing. She loved how the singer was influenced by 60's psychedelic music and UK garage it was..hot.

Without thinking as if in a trance Cosima got back onto the bed, looking around and rolled onto her front. The tenseness she felt was not uncommon, she had not had sex before but that didn't stop her body from craving it. 17, a virgin and horribly crushing on someone. Delph—NO! Scott, she was crushing on Scott. One hand felt down her chest and fell between her legs underneath her weight. Furiously trying to get the image out of her head. The other holding the spliff and bringing it back and forth to her mouth. In no time she was moaning out, and exhaling smoke, feeling the sensations her fingers caused her. Scott came to her mind, her old crush Felix and something else. Her mind refused to let her see what was really fuelling the fire in her. It was raging and roaring and Cosima had never felt so strongly like this before.

"Oh my god." Cosima said as she came a second time, the spliff long extinguished. Her head fell to her pillow. Lighting up another one and staring at the bumpy ceiling, making faces and images in the shadows. Cosima was not taking about the force of her orgasm, but the feelings that fuelled it.

Delphine.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Again Cosima was late, she was always late. But this time she was later than usual. If you are late enough does that make you on time? Cosima thought to herself, she carried on her walk to the train station. Holding her ipod in her mouth as her hands tied up her dreds into a bun. She got to the ticket gate, showed her pass, and jumped up the stairs to the platform. Earphones in, she was in no mood to talk. Cosima had had the nightmare again. The one about water.

Dennis had told her once that before she was born, her mother had a dream, a dream about floating in water. Drowning really, but she could breath. It was so beautiful. She said that it did not feel odd, it was natural, as if her whole life she was meant to live in the sea. One night in her dream she kept swimming down and down, further and further into the depths of the ocean until she could go no further and she saw the fishes. The fishes that had let the float when she could not swim. But for Cosima this was not the same dream, hers was more terrifying.

The train came at exactly 6:34am like everyday, this time just catching it as it pulled up at the station. Like it was natural she swam through the crowd and found a seat. Before Scott could get on at his station she pushed her ear buds in deeper and played the music louder. Not looking at anyone, just pressing her warm cheek up against the window, her glasses pressing in on her nose but she didn't care. Cosima was sad. Unlike her usual sadness, because there was no reason for her to be sad. And Cosima hated illogical things. The train slowed with it's screechy breaks and stopped, people alighted but a familiar face came on. Cosima tried to ignore him as much as she could. There was nothing to avoid, but there was the guilt again. The guilt she had last night at Delphine's house. Scott stood up because there was no where to sit, he was a few rows down from Cosima but she could see him in the corner of her eye. She could see his gawky smirk and his agitation as if he was psyching himself up for something.

Suddenly he just burst from inaction to storming down the carriage, and whispered in the person next to Cosima's ear with a serious expression. To Cosima's surprise the person moved and Scott chuckled sitting down. Cosima did not move. She just stared with the same vacant expression out of the rain swept window. Scott poked her and when she didn't respond he lost his smile.

"Cosima don't you want to know what I said?" Scott asked with a mischief in his voice. Cosima wanted to know so desperately but this sadness over her, this stupid irrational sadness prevented her. She remained silent. Scott sat awkwardly, not putting his bad between his legs but holding on his lap.

"Sorry." Cosima finally croaked trying to get over herself. She needed to get over whatever this spat of sadness was. She couldn't be this person, she was a happy preppy girl with ambition and confidence. After last night and what she did when she got home, she was different. "I had a hectic night." Cosima tried to excuse, nothing had happened. All she had done was see some photo's play with a dog and get offered wine and bread. It was nothing special but she swore it was more than it seemed.

Delphine got up, trying to brush through her messy bed hair, but giving up when the brush got stuck half way. Jumping in the shower she smothered herself in the old shampoos and scents she had moved with. A tear slid down her eye. Hers. Quickly without even conditioning Delphine washed it all off of her, turned the water off, and got out. Standing naked in her white old bathroom she stayed put for just a second looking down at herself and the freckles that speckled around her stomach. Her hand felt over her stomach and pulled at the skin.

"_Mon dieu_." She whispered and quickly dried herself off. She needed to get toned, her fit physic had diminished.

Down in the kitchen she poured the hot water into the cafetière and let the coffee mix. Once it was done she poured it into her favourite mug and added a little sugar to sweeten the black liquid. The she stopped looking down to her stomach, now covered in a white dressing gown. She dropped the sugar spoon back into the sugar and closed it, choosing to drink it as it is. It was another day, another day in this foreign place that she did not know. Another day of being alone.

The pit in her heart sank even further than it already was doing. Just the memory of her past love cursed and ingrained on her mind. Trying to forget it she distracted herself looking out of the window in her living room, standing and sipping her coffee. She paused just feeling the heat hit her lips, as she watched the small girl from next door stride down the road, again with her back pack, again with her dreds and that air of..No. There was no confidence there today. Maybe she didn't sleep alright. Delphine's mind slipped into a dream about massaging her back. Urg. She walked away from the window and sat on the sofa. Her mind tried to focus on her tasks for the day, she needed new shampoo and bath things, she needed to get some dinner before she went to work at 8. To further distract her she went upstairs into her room where she had locked the pup up when she showered to keep him safe, there were boxes of kitchen ware she had not yet unpacked she would get into.

"Doux?" Delphine called out. Immediately she could hear sniffing and scratching at the bottom of her door. With a beaming smile she opened it up and braced for the pups excitement. It leaped out of the door way, right into Delphine's legs. She scooped it up from the floor and cuddled it into her neck, resting her head on its own as it licked her all over. "Awww." She soothed it. It sleeps in her room but she still missed it, even after such a short time. Delphine placed her coffee on her vanity and sat on the edge of the bed, letting the pup lay on it's back, tongue out and wagging its tail. She stroked its stomach and it woofed at her playfully. "Aww Cosima." Delphine stopped playing with the dog and stared at it's happy face. "_Quoi?_" Confused, she carefully she placed the dog at her side and rubbed it's head, getting up and pacing over to her chest. With a giant breath she opened it up, not wanting to. She tried not to let herself, but she _had _to look. The sadness she felt would only be cured if she forgot. If she just forgot Danielle existed. If she forgot their time together it would be fine. But she could not. Pulling out the shoe box, she opened it up and pulled the banded photo's out. There was something odd about them, but wasn't there for them. She pulled out some fabric, which was actually a scarf made from the finest silk. She had got this for _her_, years before. 28 years old, and already heartbroken. The horrible fact was that it was so sudden, no warning. Moving to America was the best option. Pulling the fabric up to her face she inhaled it's faded scent. For a second just falling backwards onto her knees and immersing herself in the floating memories. She grabbed the fabric with a harsh fist, and thrust it back into the box. Taking the box, she grabbed the other few in her hands, pulling the fabrics and photo's and what else was in there, and taking it downstairs. Bits dropped from her grasp but she just wanted rid of it. Opening the door with her elbow she walked out the front and around the side, opening the new bin and dropped it all in.

All gone. Delphine felt like this massive secret that she was holding so close was gone. The bins weren't collected around here for another few days, but it didn't matter. It was away. It was in the trash, and that was where it would stay.

Cosima dropped herself into the seat, time time Scott could sit by her straight away and she smiled to him. Science lab all day made her feel good, it renewed her like getting a really nice compliment when it was totally unexpected. Because of this she really wanted to apologise to Scott for being so moody that morning.

"Hi." Cosima said as he adjusted himself. He smiled at her, but didn't look. He was a little sour from this morning still. "So what did you say to the person this morning?" Cosima asked with a big smile, she turned into him, giving her undivided attention. He smiled back at her relaxed now.

"I told them I was your patrol officer and that I needed to get you off at the next stop." Scott replied with great pride. He was picking it up fast, and Cosima liked it. She had never done any of this before, never just talked to strangers and she had never said things to make them leave. Cosima laughed and looked at him for a moment, he looked back deep into her eyes. He nudged his glasses up his nose and a little awkwardly laughed. "What's that look for." He asked, he was flushed in the face at her smile.

"You're my boyfriend." Cosima said. She even felt weird saying it, but she had told her parents that he was. He may as well be.

"What?" He said with a chuckle.

"Have you not thought what it would be like to hold my hand? To hug me?" Cosima said with such confidence it scared her. "To kiss me." Cosima was like a whole different person and the effect her words had on him made her thrilled. His face was bright red and he looked down as if embarrassed but hopeful.

"Well I." He began. Cosima took a deep breath, cleared her head of the thoughts of Delphine Cormier, and kissed him. It was short, sweet even and it didn't make her feel anything. Scott however was getting into it, his in experienced lips kissed her back, his eyes closed and his hand coming up to the side of her face. Cosima's eyes were wide open, she looked around and it was making the other passengers uncomfortable. She broke away from him, and smiled. But she didn't mean it. He blushed harder and looked right into her eyes with a grin so wide. He meant it.

"Good." Cosima stated, she felt nothing behind the words. That was not good it was just...it just was. "Now we are dating and it's pretty serious." Cosima got up from her seat, the ride was not at all long and the conductor announced her stop, with heavy and confused breaths she walked away from him. Scott watched after her, his face red, smiling and utterly infatuated with the girl walking away from him.

"Hey Mark." Cosima said, she was up the ladder in the drug store this time. She could see the worry and pain on his face. Someone had taken his job, he was the ladder guy and Cosima was front of store. To him it was like he had stepped into another world.

"Urr what'cha doing up there?" He asked brushing his hands through his blonde hair and adjusting his glasses with his finger tips. Cosima smiled at him as she labelled some more product.

"You know, I really think we should switch roles once in a while. Liven it up a little. This place is seriously dank dude." Cosima accidentally dropped some pots, he caught them and stared at her with a stern look. She winked and smiled at him.

"This is why I stack the shelves." Mark muttered passing it back and walking off into the shop. Cosima watched after him and then got back to what she was doing.

An hour or so later she was done with the shelf but Mark was no where to be found. Before long it was the end of her shift, she took off her coat grabbed her bags and was heading out.

Delphine?

Cosima quickly jumped behind a shelf, hoping Delphine had not seen her. Why are you hiding? Cosima shouted in her head. What is your problem dude, just go out there and speak to her, or like I don't know ignore her and go? Cosima was getting angry at herself. Eventually she came out from behind the shelf and had to walk down there. They were giggling together. WHAT? Cosima 'accidentally' nudged past Mark.

"Hey watch it, Cosima!" He complained still happy with a childish look on his face.

"Cosima! _Salut_." Delphine's voice was excited but a little nervous, Cosima could hear it in the tone of voice. Mark stepped back a little.

"You know each other?" Mark asked smiling to them both. He shot Cosima a look. She had only seen this look once before, when he was hitting on a customer. It ended badly. Cosima suddenly filled up with horror and jealously. Hey where'd that come from? She thought.

"_Oui_, my new neighbour." Delphine said, crossing her arms over her chest, but not in a aggressive way, in a way that she felt nervous and wanted to comfort herself. Her lush eyelids dropped and looked Cosima straight in the eye.

_Oh wow. _

Cosima's heart fluttered and it felt like Delphine was the only one in the room. The only one that she ever knew. The only one she wanted to really, really get to know.

"No, friends right?" Cosima said, this was her form of apology for running out on her last night. Delphine perked up and smiled at her, a personal smile, not one Cosima had seen before but it was so...wow.

"Oui." Delphine said, her voice was deeper, sensual even, and Cosima's heart skipped. Mark laughed a little to interrupt them. "Yes I need shampoo?" The drug store was the only store in town that wasn't for take out or coffee, they always had stuff in.

"I'll show you!" Cosima blurted out. Well she thought she blurted it out, but in reality it came out in a slow and lingering way. It even made Mark suddenly uncomfortable. Where did that come from?

"No it's ok Cosima, your shifts over, I'll show..." He waited for a name, Delphine blushed and gave it to him. He blushed back and they exchanged a look. Cosima was fuming. _Calm down woman._

"Mark, really, I can show her." Cosima was sure that she should be the one. Delphine smirked at what was in front of her, happening between these two people. She started to step backwards and find it herself. It was not a big place after all. Cosima saw this and realised what a stupid idiot she was and she had no idea why. She caught Delphine's eye as it winked at her.

"You know, I need to talk to you Cosima anyway about coming over tonight." Delphine paused long enough for both Cosima and Mark's imaginations to run wild. "To dog sit." She added to cut the suspense. For a second Cosima couldn't register the words, she was in a trance over the way she said it, the accent was thick and hot and STOP.

"Sure." She said, Mark's boyish smile was gone and he walked off slowly, turning to wave at Delphine as he did, she smiled cutely at him. Cute with a hint of sophisticated adultness. Cosima was almost drooling. _Snap out of it_. They walked down the aisle, not talking just standing a little close. Cosima was suddenly aware of everyone of her movements, the way she walked, how it sounded, how many breaths she was taking (too many), how far apart they were and _Why are you freaking out? _They reached the end of the aisle and turned right, walking to another one.

"Have you urr worked here long?" Delphine asked as they walked. As she spoke, Delphine's arm brushed Cosima. Cosima swore she was about to pass out from the nerves that were all over her body. It was like she was going for a science test, she knew it all, but she was doubting everything she had ever learned. That was her issue, a total genius but as soon as there was even an atom of doubt she would go to crap.

Cosima could not even think.

"Urm..." Cosima had no clue, her mind, it was gone. They had reached the shampoo's and Cosima stopped, she didn't need to think about that, her mind just automatically took her to the places she knew so well. "Just since last summer." Cosima finally said, she pointed to the rail and Delphine bent down looking at them. Cosima realised how tall Delphine was, her head only came up to her shoulders. Perfect to hug.

"Which would you recommend?" Delphine asked, she stepped back from the shelves and looked to Cosima was a playful expression. Cosima melted. She had no idea either. Which shampoo would she like. Scented or not? She should not be allowed to talk to attractive people ever, ever again. _Attractive?_

Damn she would actually have to say something.

"Like, do you want scented or?" Once she started she could not stop. "I mean I use this scented stuff it smells kinda nutty like coconuts and almonds which I really like. I use it every day, I have the like scented hand wash and cream and it's so good. But you look more like a floral person, oh god, you know this one would smell so good." Cosima rambled, Delphine was amused by the speed of the words coming out of her mouth. Cosima picked up this flower scented shampoo she had tried once, it didn't suit her but it smelt so good. She would love to smell it on her. _No Cosima stop!_ Delphine picked up the bottles, cracking the lid open and smelling them. Her face lit up.

"_J'aime cela._" Cosima had no idea what she just said. Delphine realised. "I like this. I'll take it." Cosima couldn't just let Delphine go, she was on a role.

"Yeah, it's so good am I right. I tried it once, it's good. Honestly and the soaps and stuff that go with it are great too. Why not get a set. Oh my god, whilst you're hear get the bath set it has like a fancy sponge and stuff." Cosima realised she was being a fool. Like the only thing to do in this situation was to keep going. She could have just stopped. Instead of not talking she just turned around and started walking to the till.

_Stupid. _

Cosima typed all the details into the till, scanned her shampoos and noticed Delphine did pick up the set after all. A smile spread across her face.

"I have work at 8, and you're finished?" Delphine asked, Cosima eagerly nodded. "Can you come over to mine soon, we can have that talk and you could dog sit for me? _S'il vous plait?_" Cosima was already nodding before she could stop herself. Oh god, for what ever reason she wanted to go over there, she knew she looked like a stupid fool.

"Sure, I have dinner in like 10 minutes so I'll catch you after that?" Cosima asked. She felt like she was shaking and nervous and an idiot. But the words that were coming out were so smooth, suave and nothing like she felt like.

"Actually, do you want a lift? I have my car?" Delphine drove here? Cosima thought, it was like literally 4 blocks. Her mind was going wild, her heart racing. Her eyes flicked over to Mark who was watching from the other side of the store. With a smirk Cosima agreed. Stepping down from behind the till. Delphine nodded her head. "_Daccord._" Delphine said. They walked out of the store together. Cosima just suddenly felt the impulse to jump up into the air and cheer, it frightened her that she felt this way. She had a boyfriend.

In the car they did not speak, just smiled politely and sat with each other. It was so tense. Both wanting to speak, but in the short time there wasn't much to say. Cosima began to speak, but so did Delphine. They both wanted the other to start, but neither did. So they sat there awkwardly. Cosima knew what this feeling was now. She was aroused. Not just aroused, it was like she was in a film where someone finds the other attractive and is literally creaming so hard. But Cosima had to reason to be. Maybe Scott was on her mind. Cosima's eyes flicked over to Delphine, as Delphine pulled up into her drive. Before she could stop her Delphine was out and around her side, opening the door.

"Thanks." Cosima said, feeling really special, and awkward, and horny, and confused, and tired, and exhilarated. All of these feelings an average teenage girl would feel. But she was not average.

"_Mon plaisir._" Delphine said, shutting the door gently behind her. As if in some tired old 80's film Delphine leant up against the door, putting her bag around her wrist, and her thumbs in her pockets. God she was bad at this romance stuff, Delphine thought. Cosima stood there for a second. In fact they both held their breaths, both wanting to say more, to start something so the other wouldn't leave. Cosima was so confused with all of these feelings that she just had to get back to her house, and quick. Cosima jumped over the bushes and skipped to her house, before she went in her eyes flashed over to Delphine, looked so sad all of a sudden, looking at what was in her bag and the going in herself.

"I hope you like it, it is a new recipe I am trying out in my classes." Janice encouraged, Cosima and Dennis sat in their usual places at the table, the food came to the table, Janice took her seat and Cosima dug in. This time it was different, she really did feel like a child on Christmas with the feelings rushing through her.

"My dear Cosima, how are you today, I feel like I haven't seen you." Dennis asked, he was just dropping food into his mouth and he gave her a fangy smile. That's where she got it from. Cosima smiled to him, ignoring Janice's judgemental expressions.

"It's because you haven't." Janice joked and ate some more food before Cosima could speak.

"Yeah I know, school's pretty hectic, and working at the drug store. And French." Cosima still had not done any French.

"What about Miss Cormier, honey? How are you going to fit that in?" Janice asked, just before Dennis could say another word. Cosima looked over to address her, giving her a look.

"I'm dog sitting at hers tonight actually. She mentioned something in the car about gardening tomorrow. As it's the weekend." Cosima said with an edge to her voice. Janice caught onto it, she had a nack for not frowning but smiling wider. She gave a big smile and asked;

"In the car? When were you in the car together?" Janice was pissing Cosima off.

"Oh on the way back from the store. She was there and gave me a lift." It felt like some kind of interrogation. Like there was something Janice knew and was not letting on. She only asked questions she already knew the answer to. Cosima knew this, why would she ask.

"Well alright, I just don't want you slipping behind now, graduation-" Janice was cut off.

"Oh you know that don't you Cosima?" Dennis butted in, in a soft and friendly voice. "We are very proud of you you know. Especially as you'll be turning 18 next week as well. It's a big time, for all of us." It had totally slipped her mind. She would be finishing school and turning 18. She hadn't even considered what she was doing afterwards.

"Thanks dad." Cosima said, chewing on some potatoes with a smile.

"Maybe you should invite your boyfriend over for your birthday dinner. What was his name again?" _SCOTT_! Cosima had also totally forgotten about Scott. Crap, it suddenly felt like everything was coming at her all at once.

"Scott. Sure, I'll invite him." Cosima was less than enthusiastic but no one noticed. They were used to her moods. But her birthday didn't just mean a new year, it meant having the conversation with her dad that they did every single year for as long as she could remember. Maybe even longer. It was always a torture for him, but she didn't want to think about that now. Happier things were happening. She was going to Delphines. NO! Scott was coming over for her birthday.

_Oh crap,_Cosima said to herself as she realised what she had on. The boyfriend, these weird feelings for Delphine, her birthday, graduation, the rest of her life, and a pit in her heart that she had no idea how to fill.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Delphine was not a gardener. She had never done it in her life. The only thing she could grow was the pasta in her pan when she added hot water. Here she was digging up soil and planting flowers which were already potted for her. In theory all she had to do was get the plant and it's roots out, put it in a hole she had dug and cover it over, water it for a bit and leave it. But this was never going to be as easy as it sounds. After 10 minutes she had lost 3 flowers, dug more holes than she needed and found rose bush trimmings in her hair. She needed Cosima.

Cosima stretched out after sleeping in. A usual Saturday morning. Except it wasn't. She was supposed to be helping Delphine with her gardening today. Looking at the clock on the side table she read 10am. Getting up in her baggy t-shirt Cosima stretched up once more exposing her legs and stomach before yawning widely. Shower time. Out and showered in no time at all she changed into some old skinny jeans and a tank top, not really knowing what to wear gardening, or helping in the house. In the end she picked up her earthy red weaved poncho and put it over herself as a jumped. Breakfast was with her parents this morning. No, her dad and Janice. It was the one meal a day that she did not prepare, Dennis chose long ago to take this one day to give Janice breakfast in bed and treat her like a princess. It was sickening. Cosima pulled out some juice, cereal and milk from the kitchen and put it together. Juice in the glass, cereal and milk in a bowl with a spoon. At the dinning room she sat with Dennis who read a newspaper. He was looking with such interest even though Cosima knew she hated this newspaper, but it was the only one sold on a Saturday here.

"Hey dad." She said between shovels of cereal. He smiled over at her with a comforting look.

"Good morning darling." He was the nicest man she knew. They had such a nice bond. Such an amazing guy who had been there for her forever and one that was blind to the badness in the world. Whether that was good or bad was hard to tell, some days it was damn annoying but others it was blissful. "How are we this morning, ready to help Miss Cormier out?" Cosima's ears pricked. She knew she was going to be doing that but she didn't want to admit it, already her stomach was flipping and she felt hot.

"Yeah, getting my food down me now." Cosima smirked, sipping the milk from her spoon.

"Good luck, she is making a total mess over there." Janice said, walking into the room crunching down on an apple wearing her full body suit pj's. This time she kissed Dennis' head and sat in her usual seat, taking up the newspaper he now put down and reading. Cosima barely looked at her but still smiled. Cosima felt the need to leave now, her perfect morning was soured by Janice. Janice tried, but she tried too hard.

"Ok, well I'll be back some time today. Bye guys!" She ran over to Dennis and hugged him, patting Janice on the shoulder and vacating the room, skipping to the door, flinging it open and leaving.

Delphine's heart leapt as the sound. Wiping her sweaty brow she looked up and saw Cosima coming out from her house. With a gracious smile she greeted her with a polite hug. But as soon as she made contact with Cosima it felt like her whole body just suddenly melted and left just her lust there on the grass. Delphine snapped out of it, hugging Cosima a little too long, she dropped to her knees on the floor by the flower boarder and sighed heavily.

"Woah." Cosima mocked, looking at the mess Delphine had made. Embarrassed, Delphine pushed her hair behind her ear and looked at it. The 3 flowers she had lost were poking out under a pile of rose bush on the grass. Hell. Without really thinking Cosima grabbed the spare pair of gloves and began loading the bush into the garden bin clearing up the lawn in no time whilst Delphine watched her. She was gawky and her glasses were big, her eyes were big too, and that smile...she was adorable. Delphine just wanted to hug her from cuteness, but restrained herself, just watching the girl bend down and pick up the scraps. Cosima came back to her side with the three flowers, sitting down cross-legged on the floor and laughed. "Loose something?" She said with a big grin, putting them into the extra holes in the soil. Suddenly Delphine felt helpless, she was absolute useless at that stuff. Why didn't she think to put it in the bin, she was just going to leave it and hope it went away. She took the last flower, brushing Cosima's hand. Her body felt the sensation from her finger tips and it lingered all over her as she attempted to put it in the ground. Somehow she messed up, Cosima coming to her aid with a giggle and helping place the soil around it. Their hands worked together putting soil around the stem and flattening it down. Cosima was so careful to help Delphine that it made Delphine feel happy. At least she wasn't mocking her like the other neighbours, who happened to water their grass whilst she was out, did. When they were potted they both looked to each other and smiled. Delphine lingered a little while on Cosima's lips on the dimples when she smiled, her fangy teeth. _Mon Dieu_. She was so beautiful.

Cosima thought she was about to pass out. She was freaking so hard she knew that Delphine had noticed. Her face was all hot and she felt like she was shaking again. Jesus, this woman had such an affect on her. But she wasn't doing any of that, she was coming across as so smooth and controlled whilst her head was in crisis. She helped Delphine pat down the earth to support the new flower, and their hands kept catching each other. Every time Cosima's heart felt it was going to give in with the excitement it had coursing through it. Is it possible to die from being so happy? If so Cosima would already be dead. This woman, Delphine Cormier was so exciting and she had no idea why.

After a while of digging up the earth and separating the weeds their arms brushed once more. Delphine's eyes locking with Cosima's own. For the duration of that look Cosima was frozen, torn between what she knew and what she felt. She felt such strong feels for Delphine, yet she knew she had no reason to.

"Hello girls!" Cosima was even more freaked. Janice had made her way over, down Cosima's path and up Delphine's. Delphine appreciated the break from the trauma of gardening and smiled to Janice.

"Bonjour." She said with a genuine smile. Janice was out of her pj's and wearing an actually kinda nice lilac dress. She had in her hand a tray of fresh home made lemonade. She knew it was home made, it had her signature flower shaped lemon on the top. Cosima has no idea how she did it, but she did and it looked awesome. Being with Delphine and the nerves she felt really dried out her mouth and she only just realised.

"Lemonade, thought you ladies could use a break." Janice was being nice, too nice, and a little holding back of something. Probably some remark she was dying to say about Cosima. Delphine took the tray of glasses and jug of drink and placed them beside her knees. Janice squatted down next to them reviewing everything that had been done. It looked totally different. Even if the bushes were uneven and the plant boarder messy as heck, it was better.

"_Merci_." Delphine thanked pouring out a big glass of the stuff and handing it first to Cosima. Cosima looked up to Delphine, not at the glass giving her such a strange look. Delphine blushed as they exchanged the glass. This did not go unnoticed. "Wow. That is so amazing." Delphine said pouring her own and tasting the sweetness between her lips. Janice ignored the look and her face brightened up, she stood up straighter.

"Well thank you, miss Cormier! _Bon Appetit _as they say!" No one really said that. Since Janice had gotten there the atmosphere had completely changed. It was nice, calm, natural ,even if Cosima was falling apart from embarrassment inside. Now it was awkward, forced and cold. Cosima knew Janice could feel it too. She spoke again which just made it worse. "Did you know Cosima is learning French." No, Cosima had been dropped in it. She had not learned a word in like 4 weeks and barely remembered it anyway. Delphine shot a kind look to Cosima. Cosima hung her head but still smiled, trying to brush it off.

"Not really, I mean I am no good, I just know like my name which is still Cosima but accented." Cosima laughed. They all laughed, Janice a little longer than the two of them.

"Maybe I could tutor you, _oui_?" Cosima died inside.

"That would be awesome." She said with enthusiasm. There was silence. Delphine looked down to the soil and how messy she was, Cosima did the same. Janice noticed she was not wanted and slowly walked back to the house, looking at them with prying eyes the whole time until she reached their property. Cosima pretended to be digging something with the trowel but just moved mud around, smiling and waving at Janice.

As soon as Cosima's mother appeared the atmosphere thickened. Delphine looked up at her and smiled, confused as to why it had changed. Janice had come over to bring refreshments, much to her delight, she could really use one. Cosima didn't take the tray straight away, Delphine jumped in, worried about the tense mood that was between the two of them. She looked down to Cosima as she placed the tray by her, pouring out a drink. She handed it to Cosima, their fingers brushed, she could see the effect in how Cosima's breathing quickly picked up and her face blushed. It was so adorable to see. Delphine blushed too, she was not used to seeing this in people near her. Quickly she avoided the gaze looking to Janice. There was an uncomfortable pause in which Delphine just drank. Janice's French was awful, who even says _Bon appetit _anymore?

"Did you know Cosima is learning French." Janice said it in such a way as though it was meant to be a dig or an insult. Although it didn't sound like one. Delphine's heart flipped, French, she was learning French. Just for a second she day dreamed about tutoring Cosima, the time they would spend with each other, as if she wasn't spending enough time already in her short stay here.

"Maybe I could tutor you, _oui_?" Delphine asked her voice tinted with a happy confidence. She knew she could easily tutor her, she would enjoy it so much, she really felt it. She saw it in the way Cosima relaxed but at the same time tensed at the words. As if she was happy and nervous and a whole bundle of emotions. Delphine laughed to herself. The silly girl.

When Janice left after a prolonged walk to her own house she turned to Cosima.

"Such a lovely mother bringing us drinks." She said it so nicely, with reservation, trying to contain her humour at the situation.

"Step-mom." Cosima quickly corrected. Delphine felt awful at the mistake, but said no more about it.

"Let's go inside, we're done for to day, _oui_?" Delphine offered to Cosima, she had done hardly anything, Cosima doing most of it, just the thought of more tired her out. Grabbing her tools and putting them away, she took the tray up into the house, a quiet Cosima following her. "I have something for you." Delphine said, putting it down in the kitchen, and wondering off into the study through the living room. Cosima hung out in the hall way entrance and looked at the new art that was put up all the way up the stairs. She was so good. When Delphine returned with 3 small, old looking books she handed them to Cosima, getting a little closer than she would have though she might. Cosima noticed, not moving at first, she could feel her tensing up and moved back a little. God, maybe she had misinterpreted it all. She should back off a little just in case, Delphine ordered herself. With a smile she saw Cosima checking out the books. "For your French." Delphine added, leaning on the wall and watching Cosima's reaction.

"Wow thanks dude! These look hella interesting."

_Oh crap, act cool, act older. _

Cosima paused and then rephrased.

"I mean, thanks Delphine. I really want to read them now." Cosima corrected, feeling a little better about blurting out her childish words. Her mind was ablaze with the sensations of Delphine, the closeness, the scent she wore. The shampoos she brought yesterday smell so good on her. Cosima knew they would...STOP. Delphine laughed and turned around.

"Before we get lunch, can you just help me move some boxes?" Delphine asked nicely, she was waiting for an answer. Cosima completely ignored the fact that it was a question too caught up in the fluent way she spoke and the flow of letters from her voice. Lunch, she would have to eat soon from the work she did. Delphine took Cosima through to the study and pointed to a box. "This one, could you take it to my room please?" Delphine again asked, Cosima already picking it up, standing a little closer to Delphine and taking it way. Delphine felt the body connection, but tried not to act on her impulses. Cosima felt the way Delphine moved, or rather didn't move when they touched and it sent Cosima wild.

"Sure thing." Cosima said. Walking up the stairs, she already knew which room was hers, a little awkwardly she pretended to open doors and look in them acting as if she had no idea where it was. When she felt the tiny scrap of paws on the bottom of the door she knew. On opening the door she forgot that dogs jumped, it leaped at the back of her knees and made her buckle dropping all of the contents of the box, which was mainly clothes, to the floor. _Crap!_ Delphine was up the stairs in no time at all, looking first at the mess, the small puppy hiding in shame further down the hall and then Cosima heaped on the floor smirking at her. She was so cute. Cosima was the most adorable person she had ever met. She held out her petite hand for Cosima to take, at first Cosima was too busy jumping hoops that Delphine cared about her to take it, eventually she did and got up. Accidentally pulling Delphine into her with the force. They crashed against the wall and both started laughing but not moving. Cosima was giggling and grinning at the thought of what happened. Delphine was laughing because Cosima was laughing. Without realising she moved her hands to support her either side of Cosima's head, trapping her there against the wall.. Their laughs faded replaced by a warm silence, just their breathing and repressed laughs filling the air. They both just stared into each others eyes, just seconds away from each other's lips. Cosima could feel Delphine's whole body pressed into her and she never wanted it to go, she wanted this every moment of every day, all the time. She wanted Delphine-NO!

Cosima jumped out under Delphine's arms and laughed more standing by all the mess on the wood floor.

"Aha! Sorry about that." She said, standing her hands fumbling around the front of her. Her head tilting and looking apologetic and embarrassed towards Delphine. Delphine moved away from the wall savouring it for a moment then shaking her head.

"No problem at all." She said with a smile. "I'll clean it up later." She ended, and the silence remained.

"Hey, just realised I have to go meet my boyfriend. Urm, see you Monday for dog sitting?ne" Cosima panted out, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion all the confused feelings catching up with her. Delphine looked sad all at once, but accepted it. Giving her a crooked smile and whispering her goodbyes. Cosima ran down the stairs and out of the door, away from Delphine and away from all that surrounding her. Lighting up a spliff and spending the next few hours laying on her bed touching herself to French music.

_Damn._ She thought thinking about the guilt she had about Delphine, the wall, how close they were and what she wanted to do. _No! Scott. Damn it Cosima, get it together. _


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Cosima got up, although didn't want to. She had no work, no study to do and no Delphine. Last night was weird. Cosima felt something that she never thought she could, it was foreign to her. _Jealousy._ When Mark was hitting on Delphine it made Cosima so mad. It was like someone was hitting on her date when they were supposed to be double dating someone else. Like she was not there, invisible and being walked on. But there was no reason to this! Cosima turned over in her bed, trying to hide the thoughts away. One more week and school would be over, graduation would have come. She wouldn't have so much drama on her. She needed to get rid of these feelings though, the ones that crept up on her at night, right into her dreams. Her dreams that always filtered around that beautiful woman from next door. She thought she would meet Scott today, she wouldn't tell him that she was, she expected him to be there, where ever she would go, he would.

At the train station Cosima scanned her pass and got up to the station, watching the train she was going to catch pull up to the platform, blowing cold air all over her and filling her ears with the hot sound of engines. Cosima joined the carriage she would normally get on the week days, sitting down on a row of empty seats.

Scott was not there.

Cosima again felt this surge all through her of jealously, running up and down the carriage, and then onto the next one, searching high and low for Scott. He just wasn't there. At the next station she waited for him to get on, scanning the platform as it stopped to find him. He was not here. With all her troubles she got off and wondered around the new place at the next stop. She had never been there before but she just had to get somewhere, somewhere away from everything. Away from Janice and her judgemental comments, away from Delphine and whatever was happening there. The feelings that raced through. She denied that it was lust, she had been with plenty of guys before and never felt like that, it was something else. Something the textbooks or novels could never capture. It was...something else entirely. After wondering for a few hours, walking down streets to go no where, she got back on the train, looking for Scott and walking home. Her head on fire with arguments, logical conclusions and yet, no answer to who the heck this Delphine woman was.

Cosima got back, avoiding looking at Delphine's place, but as always when you want to avoid something you just can't.

"Cosima?" Delphine's voice greeted, Cosima looked up guiltily and gave a half arsed smile. She couldn't really smile, what with everything that was running around in her, what happened last night and how she ran out when she should have been looking after the dog. She didn't think about what Delphine did with it, maybe she didn't go to work, or maybe she brave it and left the pup alone.

"Hey." Cosima said walking over to the rose bushes. Delphine did too, coming off her porch and over to her with a big smile. Cosima couldn't help herself, no matter the confusion, she grinned backwards. "Sorry for last night I totally forgot and double booked, sorry." Cosima apologised with a sorry expression. She was sorry, sorry more for not knowing what came over her.

"_Non non,_ not to worry." Delphine gave her a dismissive smile, forgetting the whole affair. "Mark, he looked after _Doux_ for me." Cosima suddenly boiled under her skin. Mark. She had literally met him 10 minutes before, did she already have his number? What the hell. No. what the hell Cosima. Why are you jealous.

"Good." Cosima said cooly and then had to get away, her soul was aching so hard.

"I need to organise my office..do you mind helping me?" Delphine was a little shut down by the comment but didn't think it was intentionally so cold, she asked Cosima hopefully. Cosima waved and walked away not answering her question, up her porch and into her house. Shutting Delphine out of her sight behind her.

Upstairs she sat on her bed, looking at the books Delphine had given her about French. Half tempted to get rid of them, or sneak them back into her house or just...it was no use. She needed to learn at some point, she had told everyone she was.

A few hours later of just laying on her bed with spliffs and reading, Dennis knocked on the door. She stubbed the spliff out, wrapped it hectically in plastic and stuffed it into her draw, frantically spraying perfume and deodorant everywhere. After a minute of Cosima not answering he knocked again. After coughing she let him in.

"Hello Cosima." He said with a gentle smile. She let him in sitting back on her bed cross-legged and began reading the book once more. "French?" He said, she nodded engrosser in the words. He took up a seat next to her and picked one of them up, his reading glasses hanging around his neck being put on his nose. "Your mom used to love languages. She could soak them up like a sponge..Took me to so many French films I don't even remember."

"Do you ever think about what it would have been like if I died instead of mom?" Cosima asked looking up from her book. Dennis didn't move his head straight away, then he looked to her taking off his glasses with pained eyes.

"No." He said simply and directly, staring at her.

"Really?" Cosima replied..she was in such a weird place at the moment. "I do." There was a pause, both looked back to the books and let the slow background music from her stereo sink in. Dennis could smell the weed in the air, but this was not the time to bring it up. He could feel how vulnerable she was. Then he sighed.

"You know, maybe this year is the year that you come with me to visit her grave. You're 18 soon, maybe it's time." He paused, Cosima was looking right at him. "It doesn't have to be the actual day of your birthday-"

"Why would I do that?" Cosima asked. Suddenly so upset, but not in a tearful way, in a way that made her feel incomplete.

"A lot is going on and I think that it's good to pay respects on the anniversary of someone's death." Dennis looked at her, he was sorry he was doing this, but he felt he had to.

"Look if you want company take Janice, you know how great she is." Cosima was not ready for that. She did not need that. She had too much and now this. Even their annual conversations about the exact moments before her death, and the dream about the fishes were hard enough. For 18 years she had avoided this question, she had avoided her grave, and how he was asking her.

"Oh Cosima..." He gasped. "It's not about company..it's about you." He got up, placing the book next to her, taking her head and kissing the top of it, hugging her and then heading to the door. "Maybe you have taken too much on, What with the job in town and helping out at Miss Cormier's. You're looking tired." Cosima was too high for this shit, she stared at the door long after he had left in a haze. There was no place for her, maybe if she was an Olympic athlete or genius then she would have a purpose, but no, she was just a girl. Maybe it should have been her and not her mom.

After a while it was getting late, she had her last week of school tomorrow. The last week to the rest of her life. After that...just some void that she had no idea how to overcome. She got up, putting the books on her desk, her dads words running over in her head. It was horrible, she would have to face her mothers death some day. She couldn't even go to the funeral, she was only a few days old, but she still missed it. You're supposed to go to them, to say goodbye and Cosima never got the chance. Flicking off the light, she took her clothes off and got into bed. Laying there for a second she tried to clear her head, she had too much weed for one night so she couldn't do that. Instead she took her pillow and blanket up to the windowsill and set herself up. Her head perfectly allugned with the beginning of the window, looking up to the sky. Then it caught her attention. A light flickered on across the way from her bedroom. It was Delphine's house. The window was directly opposite hers, both the same giant size, both showing worlds into the others life. Cosima's light was off. Delphine didn't even notice her as she scooped up the pup from the floor and held it like a baby, cooing and stroking it stomach. Cosima began to cry. For the next half hour she just watched her. Tears slowly falling, heart racing and she was hot. She knew what was happening now. She knew what Delphine was doing to her body, her hormones, her feelings. It was basic science, the instinct to have sex.

Cosima watched Delphine from her window. She stares with a blank mind, letting herself fall victim to the thoughts and her own biology, as she plays with the puppy. Delphine is nursing it, feeding it treats with a wide grin as it cradles into her chest. Delphine walks it around the room. It was just like a child. Cosima lets the tears stain her pillow.

She was sad for two horribly relevant and repressed reasons. The first was that in a few days she would be be reminded that Cosima was alive because her mother was dead. The second reason was the surprise that had been climbing up on her in the last few days; the fact that she was attracted to girls. She had always been attracted to girls. And she was horribly obsessed with the older woman from next door. Delphine looked up, Cosima shut her eyes and fell to sleep, and that was the last she thought about it.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

Delphine came down from her porch over to meet Cosima with a smile, her sadness gone. The memories of Danielle all but forgotten and she could move on. Maybe it was the girl next door, maybe it was chucking her belongings out or something else. Either way Danielle was gone and she could move on with her life.

Then she froze. Cosima looked so sad, she was smiling sure, but it was not real. Delphine tried not to make it obvious that she noticed and acted naturally.

"Sorry for last night I totally forgot and double booked, sorry." Cosima said with a crooked smile. There was something behind it. Something she could not put together, something was troubling this girl. Was it something I've done? Delphine panicked, searching her mind for something she had done. _Non_! It was last night, Delphine had not meant it in a sexual way. But the way Cosima squirmed out from under her arms against that wall, she certainly thought it was. _Mon Dieu_!

"_Non non,_ not to worry." Delphine said giving her an encouraging smile to make both of them forget what happened. There was an awkwardness between them. She messed up. This happens all the time. She can never do well. Hmmm, Delphine thought. She needed to get this right, to make it easier between them. She would have to plan something to make it up to her, a present maybe? When Delphine had told her about Mark, she could see and immediate shift in Cosima, she tensed up. Only the smallest movement but it meant a thousand words. Delphine knew, at least she thought she did. Cosima was jealous. It was cute. Really cute. And it made Delphine both feel warm and sorry. Cosima was in pain and she was flouting it.

"Good." Cosima said with an edge, she didn't mean it, underneath Delphine could see that she was hurting. But this could not make this much pain? Could it?

"I need to organise my office..do you mind helping me?" Delphine asked, but it was lost on her. She could see that she heard, and maybe there was a moment when she thought of turning back and answering, but she did not, trying hard to get into her front door and out of sight. Delphine sighed hard just looking at the door with a sadness. She was not sad herself, just trying to figure Cosima out.

Later Delphine made herself a coffee and sat in the kitchen, sitting too tall for the breakfast island, her legs stretched out underneath her. She would have to get things that were built for taller girls. She wasn't that tall, just here seemed to be small. She sipped on her coffee, blowing softly against the black liquid, and scrolling down on her tablet; the French news tabloid she loved. It was crappy and biased and awfully written, but it was home. _Doux_ jumped at her feet and yapped happily. Taking her attention away from the tablet she laid it down, leant and picked her up. _Doux_ kissed her all over and yelped again. She realised it might need the toilet, and tried to remember where the back door was in this giant Victorian house. Opening up the door Doux ran out jumping about the place and tripping on it's ears and falling over.

"Aw!" Delphine called out, bending down and stroking it, flapping it's ears around. It licked her hand and seemed to smile. It made her smile and she was filled with so much joy. Then Doux got up, shook her off and pounced around the garden, sniffing bushes and doing it's business. Delphine watched with such adoration and a heart warming filled her. She loved it so much even after this short time. Then her mind swam to other things, the flab she was growing on her once trimmed and toned stomach. "_Non._" She whispered to herself. She would need to go on a jog. Once Doux got back in she made sure he was safe, ran up stairs and tried to find the box with her old gym equipment in, all her old shoes and clothes. All she could find was a white tank top and beige coloured baggy trousers. Seeing if they still fit, she changed into them about to get herself ready and ask Cosima to come over. But then she stopped herself, Cosima seemed really hurt and she didn't think it was right to go an intrude. Like Cosima said, she would see her on Monday.

Cosima was beating herself up over these stupid emotions. It was 6:30am again, tonight she would go to Delphine's and dog sit, act as if nothing was happening. As if none of the thoughts and sadness and any of it ever existed. It was slightly easier when she saw Scott on the train. As she approached him he leaned and pulled something off the seat opposite him, freeing it up. Cosima smiled at him in a teethy grin, sitting and crossing her legs. They looked at each other, smirking and sharing some kind of intimate look that both of them knew. For a minute Cosima realised that it meant nothing to her. But she kept up the allusion, it was easy. It was right.

"Where were you yesterday dude?" Cosima asked across the carriage, he furrowed his brow, still smiling, and replied.

"It was Sunday?" He said blunty with a testy edge as if seeing that she actually meant Sunday or not.

"Oh." Cosima said, she didn't really want to waste too much time thinking about yesterday, especially last night. They paused returning to their teenage love expression, smiling like idiots when they caught each others eyes.

"I was thinking maybe we should go on a date?" Scott asked, he was so nervous and giddy with his smiling that he even gained a little confidence.

"When?" Cosima asked smiling more instead of frowning. Like Janice would.

"This Friday?" He asked. Cosima thought for a second, only a second before responding right away.

"I can't." She said with an awkward smile.

"Why?" Scott asked his confidence diminished in one foul swoop.

"Oh wait." Cosima realised it was her birthday. Maybe she should bring this Scott person she was dating...but then she really was dating him now. "Sure. It's my birthday. You should totally come over for dinner." Cosima was kinda excited now. All her birthdays were just her, Dennis and Janice, at least now she had someone else. Scott was excited again, pushing his glasses up his nose and laughing with a snort. Quickly covering it up in a cough. Cosima noticed and winked at him, making him feel at ease.

After school she had work till 5 at the drug store. Enough time for her to get over to Delphine's way before she would go to work. Maybe actually get to know her. School was just getting things all together, finalising applications, saying goodbye and hanging around until they could officially leave.

As Cosima walked in the shop Mark grinned at her running over to her and waiting for a high five, his hand in the air and his face full of accomplishment. Cosima brushed past him with a laugh, and went to the back room.

"Hey!" He said spinning around and catching her up. No customers were in the store yet. "High five me!" He demanded comically. She was annoyed that he hit on Delphine still, but she couldn't blame him. She had forced him into it by making him work at the front. She turned around, dropping her bags, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow.

"What did you do?" She asked in a friendly tone, trying to cover the venom.

"I hit on a girl and she didn't file a harassment report!" This was only something that would ever happen to him. She had to high five him for that, even if she hated him for it.

After work, Delphine had not come in to Cosima's delight so she walked the 4 blocks home through the evening dry air. When she got back she changed out of her clothes feeling a little hot from the weather picking up recently, even though the nights were ice cold. Perfume on and ready with a smile came back downstairs ready to head over to Delphine's.

"Dad, just going next door." Cosima called out to Dennis in another room, she held onto the bannister and waited for him to reply. He probably didn't hear her so she just left anyway. As soon as the door closed, her heart skipped a beat and the nerves were coming back. But today she was going to control it. She had Scott, her life was getting somewhere. All she needed to do was get through it, be nice and get back.

Cosima's hand rapped on the heavy wooden door, her eyes looking through the blurred glass into the house. Delphine didn't come straight away, so she pressed upon the door bell. Her feet shuffled and scuffed on the porch her hands fumbling with themselves. There was still no reply. So she figured she would let herself in. Grabbing the handle she turned it, unhooking the false lock and walking inside.

"Yo?" She called out into the air. _Urg, Yo, really what are you 13? _Cosima criticised. The house seemed empty and she couldn't even hear the dog around. "Hello?" She asked again. Then there was a nose. From upstairs she could hear feet and little paws running around. Her head snapped up to the source of the nose from the hall, and at that moment she saw Delphine walking right across the small balcony wrapped up in a white towel, drying her blonde wet hair. She walked straight past the staircase, and only stopped when the dog started yapping and leaped down two stairs at a time. Delphine turned at all the excitement and jumped, nearly loosing her towel. Cosima spun around as to not look and closed her eyes and massive grin spreading across her face. She opened one eye and looked around, seeing Delphine coming down the stairs, towel still wrapped up tight. The dog hit the floor and bounded over to Cosima, crashing into her legs. She bent over stroking it from head to toe as it brushed up against her.

"Bonjour." Delphine said with a smile, putting her hair up in the small towel to keep it drying. She stood there on the last few steps waiting for Cosima to talk.

"You wanted help with your office?" Cosima said, trying to hold in her smile. Her heart was racing wild at the thought of what was underneath there. NO! Cosima stopped herself from those kinds of thoughts. Delphine nodded with a small smirk.

"_Oui oui_, urr you know where it is. Do you mind just starting in there?" Delphine asked, walking back up a step or two. Cosima nodded, not wanting to look at her, her face red as roses with blush. God Delphine was hot. Her figure was slim and in that towel it exposed her beautiful collar bones, that long neck and tight jaw. Cosima's eyes fell to the floor but couldn't resist checking out her legs, all the way up to her long slender thighs. Stop! Cosima turned around again, and headed through the living room and to the office.

"Yo." Delphine's heart stopped. _Cosima_. Quickly she grabbed a towel, wet her hair and pretend to just have showered. Walking out of the bathroom she acted as if she heard nothing. Her heart was racing. _This was so compromising_. "Hello?" Cosima continued. Delphine wanted to walk straight passed and pretend to have not seen. But Doux started yapping again, and with a fright she turned, almost dropping her towel. _Non_! Cosima gasped turning away at the bottom of the stairs. Delphine was embarrassed but a part of her wanted to let Cosima see. Carefully adjusting herself and tightening the towel she walked down carefully. Eyeing Cosima's whole body up and down.

As soon as Cosima has walked away to the office Delphine's heart slowed to a normal human pace, her nerves calmed and she walked back up to the bedroom to change. She had lied about showering. One because she was actually in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror and two because she did not want any one to know that she hated her figure. She was slim, yes, but not toned. Nothing like she used to be. Her body was a constant reminder of Danielle. In the bedroom she put on some clothes, her jogging clothes and came back downstairs. Doux had followed Cosima into the offfice. When she got there she smiled and walked over to a box on a desk.

Cosima walked quickly into the office trying to contain herself, hormones freaking out from what she just saw, and what she almost saw. _Jeez, shut up Cosima!_ Her mind quicly reminded her that she was not acting right. Sexuality was a spectrum...but not one she wanted to be on. Delphine picked up some old books and put them in a box, handing it to Cosima. Cosima's fingers brushed hers and those same electric volts coursed through her, sending her wild over the edge. Her body might want Delphine but her mind did not. She had Scott.

"How old are you?" Delphine asked as Cosima put the box in a storage cupboard when Delphine had pointed. Cosima didn't want to seem young. She wanted to be appealing.

"Turning 18 this week." She said innocently, putting the box away and turning back to her. Delphine caught her eye, and with a faint smile continued talking.

"Fun age." Delphine said with a glint in her eyes. Cosima tried to not make too much eye contact, but the little she did made her stomach flutter.

"Yeah." Cosima began and then perked up. "Trapped in school for years on end, Only to come out the other side understanding nothing and feeling no different." Cosima wondered about her life for a second and then looked back to Delphine. They both looked at each other with a knowing expression, and then Delphine blushed. Cosima caught this and her whole body almost flipped. Delphine was blushing?! Cosima blushed too, picked up another box and put it in the cupboard.

"Don't you like to learn? Favourite subjects?" Delphine asked curiously, as she packed up another box of things for another time. Inside of a book fell a photo face down. Delphine picked it up with a pinch and turned it over. Danielle. For a moment she stopped breathing, just staring at the face. All the pain suddenly coming ba-

"Well I love to learn actually. Science. I love science, everything about it. Bio, chem, physics, everything! I'm thinking of doing it at university." Cosima said, coming from no where. She had never expressed her love for science before. But then, she never had anyone to tell. She was close to Dennis but that would only stretch sometimes. He was a lecturer of science, maybe he just assumed she would be one too. Janice wasn't exactly an ideal conversationalist and her real mom..."Ow!" Cosima said pulling back her hand instinctively and dropping a box back on the desk. Delphine dropped the picture, out of sight and out of mind running around to Cosima. Cosima felt the sharp pain in her finger, right down the side of it form nail to knuckle. Something had cut her and blood was beginning to ooze out slowly, as if testing the water.

"Oh Cosima!" Delphine groaned at the sight, immediately taking Cosima's hand. It was the only real touching they had done, and immediately Cosima forgot about her cut, focusing on the delicate way Delphine held her hand, with understanding and knowledge that she didn't understand.

"Sorry." Cosima said. It was her default comment when she hurt herself. She was sorry for bleeding everywhere, not that she got hurt. Delphine put her arm around Cosima's shoulders and lead her out of the office and upstairs to the bathroom. Doux began to yap again and followed them the whole way, curling up by Cosima's feet when she sat on a chair by the sink. Delphine pulled over her laundry basket and sat on it, interlocking her knee's with Cosima's to look more closely at the cut. She took it up in her hand an pulled it over the sink. Cosima watched with tepid eyes as Delphine leaned up to the old medicine cupboard and pulled out a black glass bottle. Her tank top just rising slightly up her back as she leant up. Cosima's eyes were fixed on the slender small of her back, the freckle spread over it and the way her ass was shaped in her jogging bottoms.

"Sometimes I wish I could just put my life on pause you know?" Cosima said as Delphine unscrewed the cap of the bottle. Delphine paused for a second, looking up to Cosima with sad eyes. "Like right now, I have everything coming at once and for one day I want to just pause it, step away and do my own thing. Just not think." Cosima looked at her bleeding finger.

Delphine knew. Of course she knew what Cosima meant. Her heart was filled with sympathy for the girl,and she couldn't resist the want to comfort her, and protect her from all that was attacking her. This girl was full of potential but so full of darkness. With out thinking, with one hand she lifted her arm to Cosima's face and pushed some loose hair from her dreds behind her ear, and stroked her cheek. All the while not looking into Cosima's eyes but at her cheek. Her flushed, beautiful cheek, and the reaction he fingers had on her. They were both silent as Delphine stroked once more, her hand falling to Cosima's shoulder and then drifting down her arm and back to her lap. Something happened between the two of them, something neither could explain. Did Delphine over step her boundaries or was she doing what both of them wanted? Either way she put the cap on the side, lifted Cosima's hand up again and smiled.

"This will only sting a little." She said, tilting the glass bottle over Cosima's hand. At first contact Cosima gasped, but then it soothed her cut rather than stung. As soon as the liquid had cleaned her up, Delphine pulled her hand closed to her face and gently blew over it, drying it up. Cosima just stared at the woman and her finger. Feeling like a child but knowing something she had never experienced before was happening between them. Delphine finished blowing soft air over her, pressing the hand to her lips and kissed it hard. "There." She said, holding the hand against her lips just for a second longer and then letting it go.

"I'm going for a run now, do you mind just looking after her for half an hour or so. I don't have work tonight." Delphine asked but she new Cosima wouldn't respond. She was frozen looking at her hand. They had a lot in common. Two lost souls searching for thir bodies. Two voids waiting to be filled. Delphine moved around and looked at Cosima in the mirror., Cosima looked up over her glasses, their eyes met.

"I see me in you." Delphine said, her hand on Cosima's shoulder, playing with a dred. Cosima held her breath. "Which is not necessarily a good thing." Cosima laughed out loud and kept eye contact, smiling sweetly. Delphine quickly kissed Cosima's cheek and got up, running her hands over her hair and leaving the bathroom.

_Oh. My. God_. As soon as Delphine was out of the front door and jogging away, Cosima span around, picked up the dog and with the highest pitch scream ever cuddled into it, smiling and laughing. Delphine had kissed her. Not just on her hand or finger but on her cheek. She could still feel the exact spot as if it were burned into her skin for all to admire. Delphine Cormier, had kissed her. _Stop_! Cosima looked at the little pup in her hands, licking its lips and wagging its tail. It was young, ignorant and oblivious to what just happened. Cosima had felt Delphine's lips all over her. Still even now the memory of the touch running and re-running like an old romantic film, over and over until every second was analysed. Cosima slumped down onto Delphine's sofa and sighed with relief. It felt like al her sadness and denial tat was getting her down vanished. In a cloud of smoke shaped like a beautiful French swan.

The doorbell rang all through the house like a knife cutting fabric.

Cosima got up, still enthralled by Delphine and wondered over to the door, wondering if Delphine had come back for more.

Janice stood outside with a chipper smile and a big baked of fresh baked cookies. Cosima jammed herself in between the frame and the door to not let the dog out, but more importantly to not let Janice in.

"Well hey there Cosima!" Janice said in her faux happy accent, over filled with pleasantries and niceness.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Cosima asked, trying to hide her disdain for the woman. She hated her and despised her, but she was her legal guardian and married to Dennis.

"Just came to drop off another batch of fresh baked cookies. Is Miss Cormier around?" Janice's head was already trying to poke it's way into the house, Cosima asserted her ground, pulling the door further over.

"She's out right now-"

"God I am dying to see what's in there." Janice was looking all over the door frame, through any gap she could, still with that stepford smile she wore so well.

"Well you can't, she doesn't like other people in the house." Cosima was freaking out, as if this house contained all of her guilty secrets, any intrusion would free them all.

"Oh now that can't be true. I'm sure she won't mind. I won't touch anything." Janice pushed through in her white tights, blue skirt, white blouse and pink cardigan attire, carrying the basket perfectly at the centre of her chest. Her head was tilting and looking all over, her mouth even agape. "Wow she really decorated quickly." Janice said in awe. "It's just like she got all the measurements months in advance and just fit it all in.

"That's what I said." Cosima admitted, reminiscing about the first time she stepped into Miss Cormier's house. It felt like months ago. Janice looked in the living room and went to go up the stairs. Cosima had enough, getting agitated at the mere presence of her step mom.

"You have to go." Cosima ordered looking at the door and wondering how long Delphine had been gone. It was only a few minutes but it felt like she would just pounce back at any time.

"Where is the kitchen?" Janice asked, totally ignoring Cosima. Cosima lifted her arm and pointed, Janice nodded and followed suit. Janice looked all over, putting the basket down and trailing her fingers over everything, checking for dust and smelling the scents al around her. "My god she did very well indeed." Cosima jumped up onto one of the breakfast bar stools, looking around for Doux, who was chewing on a chew toy on the floor. Janice put the basket on the island in front of Cosima and went to inspect more. Cosima picked up a cookie, it was soft and gooey in the middle and just a little crisp on the outside. She could bend and twist it in her fingers whilst she chewed. Just as Janice was about to go back into the hall and up the stairs Delphine turned up in the kitchen doorway. "Oh, hello Miss Cormier." Janice said, startled at the sudden appearance. Delphine was suspicious for just a second and then beamed, in the same mocking way that Janice did. Janice was too caught up in her own perfect world that she didn't suspect a thing. Cosima's heart was getting used to it now, but Delphine's presence stirred a whirl wind inside of her mind.

"_Bonjour_, Janice." Delphine said with a smile, locking eye contact with Janice and tilting her head like Cosima did. Cosima swallowed her mouthful and got up coming to Janice's side.

"How was your run, it seemed long?" Janice said, acting as if she knew anything. Cosima felt a pang of irritation again.

"Really short actually." Delphine said, Cosima noticed she didn't even have any sweat or any kind of misplacement about her. Janice laughed along, although nothing was funny. Cosima's eyes fell over Delphine, from her bright eyes, to her petite nose, her plump lips and that mole she had, down her neckline and to her..Stop!

"Hey, this is a bit far fetched but would you like to come over for dinner on Friday? It's Cosima's 18th birthday and we're having her favourite. Chicken pot pie." It was not her favourite. To be honest, at the moment her favourite was anything Delphine was going to make. Even from a glass of water to those pieces of oil and bread she never ate.

"Oui, yes, I would like that." Delphine looked over to Cosima was a questioning experience. Delphine knew it was this week but not Friday. Now she had to get a present. What a perfect time. Cosima and Delphine locked eyes, and smirked to each other, Delphine batted her eye lids, Cosima blushed.

"Well you girls have fun together!" Janice said, fist pumping the air weakly and walking in between their gaze. Breaking it momentarily, before they made one last lasting glance. "Oh don't worry Miss Cormier, I'll show myself out." Janice said heading towards the door.

"You can call me Delphine, Janice." Delphine said with a smile, walking a little to let her out. Janice didn't respond she just nodded and with a bigger grin turned and left. Delphine looked after her walk, and watched the door close, and Janice shoot her a look. Ignoring it, more out of confusion than anything, Walking over to Cosima and putting her hands on the island, shifting her weight to one leg and taking a cookie, pulling it in half and eating a bite. "How many calories do you think is in this?" Delphine asked with a wink, chewing some more.

"Thousands." Cosima said, returning the smirk. She was suddenly filled with a cute awesomeness that warmed her all up, looking into the face of Delphine, chewing on that calorie ridden cookie. Delphine leant up close to her, right near her face, like Cosima had done to Scott that second time.

"Worth it." She whispered, breaking into a cute laugh and finishing it off. Cosima chewed the rest of hers up and swallowing.

"Yeah, it is." Cosima whispered back. They both looked at each other, soon the smiling and laughing turned into slow breathing as they both watched each other. Cosima's heart raced up again at the proximity and she could feel the heat on her face. This was it, this was actually it. The moment she would know if she was...that type of girl. But this was wrong. Even if she was that type of girl she couldn't do that to Scott, that's wrong no matter what. Cosima leant forward and pulled Delphine in for a hug, they both stayed in the position for a minute. Cosima freaking out over the situation and closing her eyes, letting her worries slip away like pouring wine. Delphine felt odd at this, feeling Cosima holding on, the perfect fit, and the warmth she admitted..it was amazing. But Cosima cut it short, pulling back but still holding on, looking from Delphine's eyes to her lips and back again. She wanted it, and this time she had never been so sure of it.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Delphine walked out of the bathroom trying to hold in her obvious quick breathing and the blush all over her face. She had just kissed Cosima's cheek. It wasn't her lips, and she is 17, but..._.sensationnel_.. Quickly treading the stairs she opened up the front door, took a deep breath and with a big grin she went outside.

After just a minute on her jog Delphine's mind started to wonder, back to Cosima, back to the cut and what she saw just before it happened. Danielle. She could have sworn she got all of the memories and put them in the trash. She was only at the end of the road now, so turned back, doing a full circle and sneaking around the side of the house so Cosima wouldn't see. Just as Delphine lifted up the lid of the bin, she heard a nose. Cutting her breath short she dived behind the bins and hid. Her heart dropped. Janice was coming out of her own home, carrying a basket of some kind with napkins tucked into it and over it, her smile was venomous but polite and she walked right up Delphine's path. But she didn't see her. Janice knocked on the door and she could hear her talking to Cosima, the way Cosima's voice was excited, and then dropped tone immediately. Janice seemed to go in the house. Delphine's eyes shot around, looking for something, anything, an idea to struck at her mind. She would go in, but she needed to deal with this. Looking in the trash she saw all of Danielle's belongings, as well as some garbage. But the face was the most important. The face of a young and careless woman in a big world with the woman she loved. _Loved_. Her hands went into the trash, pulling out some items and giving them one last look. She couldn't just give up on her life. That wasn't right, and it wasn't fair. She needed to talk to Danielle. To get this sorted. Reluctantly she dropped it all back in. Closed the lid and walked up to the house once more.

Cosima was so close to her. Her eyes were so innocent, lost, nervous and impassioned. Delphine stopped laughing and just stared. She didn't consciously feel anything more than happiness but she could tell there was so much more than that between them. The bathroom proved that. The silences between them were not awkward, they were...romantic.

And then Cosima pulled her in for a hug. When they contacted it sent a fire through Delphine, but it didn't feel wrong or hot or bad or amazing, it just felt right. Like nothing had before. Quickly she compared it to Danielle. But nothing could rightly compare to this. Then Cosima pulled away, but not enough it still felt like they were not finished. She saw Cosima's eyes flirt to her lips and back again and the raw hunger in her eyes. Delphine gulped. It was happening. Slowly, and very carefully as to not break the moment she lifted her hands to Cosima's head, and brushed past her cheek with her thumb resting on the sides of her face. Leaning closer, only a second at a time the both slowly closed their eyes and went for it.

"Whoa!" Cosima called out, suddenly pulling out of the embrace and looking at the floor. Doux was chewing on her jeans leg and pulled it off away. Delphine stood there her hands still up and her face still poised. She sighed when Cosima was on the floor trying to get free from the cute dog. Delphine took a moment to feel sorry for not getting to kiss Cosima, but she forgot it. Maybe it wasn't the right time.

_Holy Watershed. Holy night. It was happening_. Cosima could even feel Delphine's restrained breath on her lips, and her core was wanting this so bad. No! This is so wrong. Right! No, it is not cool this is cheating. Just as their lips were about to connect and fulfil their connection, Doux dragged on her jeans leg. Thankful, but hateful for the distraction she jumped down. Leaving Delphine there waiting for their kiss.

"She loves to chew." Delphine said with an amused tone, just ignoring what could have been, would have been, should have been. Cosima stroked the dog and wrestled with it, trying not to hurt it's little teeth by pulling too hard. When she got free she patted its head and stood up, right in front of Delphine. She felt awful that she was the one that broke free from the kiss. But it was wrong, and even though she knew now that she wanted it. She wanted that kiss more than anything.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Delphine asked, with a smile. It was not a alluring smile, just an honest one. Cosima swirled up inside, and her heart skipped a few beats. Forgetting to actually reply.

"Yeah, cool, yeah I would love to." Cosima stuttered. _What the hell was she doing? Stuttering, when was this a thing_? She knew that she would have to ask first, annoyingly she was 17 and her parents were protective. _If only they knew what was going on here._ They smiled to each other for a moment. "I have to go ask.." Cosima lifted her arm and pointed a little to her house, with a sad smile. "But I think it will be fine." Cosima walked past, her heart in awe and her body shaking a little from excitement. Delphine watched her leave, Cosima practically skipped there.

"Dennis?" She called out, "Janice?" Cosima walked into the dinning room and through to the kitchen looking for them. Janice was there preparing their dinner with a neutral expression. Cosima went up to her side and looked at it.

"Wow that looks nice." She said, suddenly really hungry. Turning her want into hunger. Janice looked up at her, as she cut up some vegetables. With a bright smile she began to speak.

"Hi there Cosima." She said, cutting deep into a carrot. Cosima picked a slice up and ate it. Janice stared at her as she did knife in hand.

"Where's Dennis?" Cosima asked looking around, Janice stopped cutting, and then kept doing it in a faster more aggressive motion.

"He is working late at the university, preparing for next year and finals. He won't be here for dinner." Cosima's heart sank, should she stay or go or what? She waited for a moment or two not saying anything but looking over to the front door. Delphine would be waiting. "How is Miss Cormier." It wasn't a question and Janice said it was such false intrigue that it got to Cosima, right to her heart.

"Fine." Cosima replied cooly, not really wanting to discuss her with her step-mom. "You can call her Delphine you know." Cosima added eating another carrot.

"Yes I know...but" Janice replied grabbing another carrot and breaking it at the ends and chopping. There was an awkward pause between the two of them, Cosima just looked at her and waited for more.

"But what?" Cosima asked, she did in the way that Janice would, pleasantly and with a smile. Janice stopped, took and deep breath and turned to her, shifting her weight onto one leg, her knife in hand. Her eyes looked up to the ceiling and then back to Cosima.

"I don't get her vibe. It's off. There is something off about her. I don't think you should spend so much time around there." Janice began chopping again, raising her eye brows and half smirking. "When was the last time you worked on your university applications. Are you even thinking about it." Anger built up in Cosima. _Who did she think she was, her mother? She was not her mother_. Cosima let out a deep harsh breath, grabbed another carrot and went to leave, almost leaving the room before stopping, turning and talking.

"What's your problem with my Janice, you have always had one dude. Ever since you met me. Do you not want me, not like me or something? Because you're kinda stuck with me." Cosima was fuming, just being near Janice made her skin crawl and irritation grow. But now that had hit an all time high. _Who was she to tell Cosima what she can and can't do_? Janice could not believe that she was being talked to like this, he turned knife in hand and stared Cosima down. Trying to figure out words to say, a come back, trying to keep her composure.

"I do not have a problem with you, I have a problem with that woman. Why is she alone, does she not have a husband? What is a 30 year old woman hanging around with a 17 year old girl for, it's not right." Janice was not shouting, she was talking in a faux calm voice, and that angered Cosima even more. _Could this woman not feel, could she not just let go of her perfect life for one second. Could she not just kick off_? Cosima shook her head, trying not to loose it either. She was not this person, she was really chilled, nice, relaxed and laid back, choosing to get high rather than fight. Here she was arguing with a stepford woman wielding a knife and trying not to blurt out that she was in crazy love with the woman next door.

"You know what. Just leave it. I'm leaving; going to _Miss Cormier's_, because she actually likes me, she gets me." Cosima fumed, turning once more and heading right out of the house and onto the lawn. Janice was such a bitch.

Storming back into Delphine's she stopped herself just short of Delphine's sight. Regaining herself, slowing her breathing and getting rid of that woman from her mind. But what was she doing with this woman, and what was she doing with her. She didn't care, she wanted it. It was right. It was wrong but she ignored it. She just wanted someone to cheer her up, and in her own way Delphine would do that.

In the kitchen Delphine was still stood by the island playing with a cookie, dressed in her jogging clothes, and to Cosima, Delphine was the most beautiful creature. Walking up to her, she grabbed her shoulder and turned her to see her face. Delphine was taller but their faces met, they did not speak. Cosima just testing the water with how close they were. Pressing her whole body on her, feeling the warmth, the shape, the perfect fit. It was happening right now. Cosima's eyes flicked to the dog and saw it was away somewhere else. Her hands touched Delphine's bare shoulders and felt the electricity, the anticipation, the fire, and stroked down her arms, coming back up to hold her head gently, pulling it towards her. Delphine smirked and locked their eyes together. Their hearts beat as one, neither moving, just waiting, tempting, desiring. Blushing, Cosima moved in towards her lips, not quite touching just freezing there, breathing onto her. She closed her eyes. _Did she want this? Did she honestly want this? _If she did this she would have to admit it. She would have to come out of denial and face who she was. Who she had been all along. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was just Delphine and her cute smiles, her understanding, her depth and knowledge. Maybe it was just her. Or maybe she was doing it, this whole thing to get at Janice, to get at Dennis for marrying her. Cosima's mouth parted, their faces moving together slowly as they connected. Delphine pressed her lips so softly, and kissed her. Immediately Cosima's heart raced at the sensations, her face tingling, and her core bursting into action. Their kiss was slow, and lingering. Cosima still held onto Delphine's face, holding, making sure Delphine would not leave. Their lips just touched, stayed, and then parted. Nothing else, just touching but it made all the difference.

Cosima pulled away, opening her eyes, still holding on, and saw the majestic woman above her, eyes closed. She slide her tongue across her lips, savouring the flavour of the woman in front of her. When Delphine opened her eyes, a smile spread across her face, making Cosima grin. They did not need passion or fire, what they shared was more than that, it was more than lust. It was...an understanding so deep and long that neither would ever be able to put mere words to its magnificence. They had kissed. They had just kissed, nothing fancy or special but they had done it. Standing there for a moment Cosima looked to the floor, guilt sinking in but enjoying it. On the highest level she didn't care, she enjoyed it and she knew who she was. But there was still that shadow of doubt, that she was just acting out, experimenting, this was not real.

"Dinner?" Delphine said, staying exactly where she was, wanting more, lusting for more, but knowing that that was more than she could ever imagine. Cosima, still in a heavenly trance looked up into her eyes smiling.

"Sure." She whispered, her voice slow and deep, lingering and seductive. Delphine heard the tone, bit her lip and sighed.

_She was 17_. A kiss was wrong, her feelings were wrong. Both combined made it all the worse. But it was not age that intrigued her, it was not the gawky smile, the messy dreds, the carefree attitude. It was something more. And Delphine hoped that this wasn't another experiment, another phase, she hoped she had not fallen into Cosima's trap because she was troubled and needed fixing. Delphine needed to stop fixing things that were not broken.

"What would you do if you had any power in the world?" Delphine asked, pulling the Tagliatelle from her fork into her mouth. Licking off the cream from her lips. They were sat on the sofa in the living room. Katherine Jenkins playing in the background, the sun long gone in the distance, just her dim living room lights illuminating the Victorian wood. Cosima swallowed her pasta, and licked her spoon upwards and staring at Delphine, thinking.

"I would solve world hunger." Cosima said insightfully, using her spoon to curl some Tagliatelle onto her fork.

"How?" Delphine wondered, too getting some more to eat. She watched the innocent way Cosima thought, her knee's pulled up to her chest on the big seat, her plate poised on her knees. Holding the fork in the air, letting some of the juice drip off.

"Give them all food, enough food for the rest of their lives, so that they would never be hungry." Cosima said, eating up her food and realising the irony. Delphine smirked too eating her food. Cosima was a bright girl, there was flaws in her point, but for the sake of letting this warm and content feeling flow she said nothing. They sat like that for a while, eating their pasta and licking the sauce. "What about you?" Cosima asked, eager to know the answer.

"Urrrr, I have no idea." Delphine was honest, she wanted to know Cosima's mind not her own. Her accent was thick, she was comfortable, she wasn't trying to impress anybody. "I would stop time, just for a few minutes, even seconds and remind myself to take note of the present, to enjoy the now and not regret. I would freeze it and really appreciate it." Delphine paused really thinking about what she said, Cosima did to and looked at her in awe.

"That is so true." Cosima admired. "That's like really, cute." Delphine felt warm, and smiled eating her pasta. Cosima was so cute, immature and young, naive even, but perfect. Delphine closed her eyes for a moment trying to really savour this time with Cosima. Two people sitting, enjoying each others company, for the first time every forgetting about Dani-

"But also, I would want to rewind time." Cosima interrupted, to the benefit of Delphine, who realised where her mind was wondering again and mentally thanked her. "Like you know when you have a fight or say something and later you really regret it all, you think of all the things you never did before! That is crazy annoying." Cosima had so much youth and potential, it was wonderful. But Delphine knew exactly what she meant.

"**_L'esprit de escalier_****." Delphine said simply. Cosima looked up to her, a mouth full of pasta and tilted her head waiting for an explanation. "It can't translate into English. But it represents the feeling you have. When you want to say so much more, but can't because the moments past." Delphine paused, feeling suddenly sentimental. "I feel like that a lot, actually." The two of them sat there again appreciating what the other said. It was like that all night. Eventually Cosima had to get home, school in the morning, it was salt to a wound to let her stay over. Not to mention the lack of control Delphine would have if she did. If she knew Cosima was sleeping in her house, in her bed...**

Cosima crawled onto the windowsill like before, pulling her cover over her body and yawning. Staring across the air into the window of Delphine's bedroom. She was so excited, calm yet ecstatic, overwhelmed yet content, a sense of massive things to come filling her up. But now she would have to get through the rest of this week, get past graduation, get past her birthday and get through Scott. Delphine pulled off her tank and revealed the beautiful freckled body underneath, Cosima breathed in hard and her eyes wondered all over her. Delphine flicked off the main light, but turned on a lamp, changing out of her baggy pants and into her underwear. Cosima watched her for a while, until she was sure Delphine was dreaming. Her face was so pleasant, facing to the side, her arm underneath in that typical way. She was so calm. Cosima's eye lids started to droop so she looked away, turning onto her back and closing her eyes. In a few days the rest of her life would start, but all she could think of was Delphine's lips on her own.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

Today was her birthday. But Cosima was not happy. Because birthday's did not mean fun, games and ageing a year. To her they were a constant reminder of what she did.

Getting out of bed she rubbed her eyes, we went to the bathroom. She was at Delphine's last night, Delphine had to work and Doux needed to be looked after. She crammed in a science project and it was the first time she looked at her applications she made back at the beginning of the year. Thanking her past self for being so organised and actually getting them in. Forgetting that she had done so caused her so much grief. All those forms and invites and courses, it was a lot to take in. Finishing in the bathroom she showered, dried, got changed and made her way downstairs, finally up on time to have breakfast with Dennis. There was a sad feeling in her, because all year people promise that next year will be better, you'll grow up, you'll change, but she didn't feel anything different, and that made her feel let down.

"Cosima!" Dennis greeted getting up from the head of the table. "Happy birthday darling." He cheered, wrapping his arms around Cosima's small body, wearing his best navy blue sweater vest. She cuddled into him, slightly removing the creeping feeling inside of her for a moment. They hugged for a while, he rested his head on hers as she clung tight to him.

"Happy birthday Cosima." Janice called from the kitchen, ruining the mood. Dennis sighed, Cosima pulling away without looking at him and slumped onto her seat. He shot her a look as he too sat down, pulling up his newspaper and feigning interest in it. Janice strode in placing fruits and yoghurts on the table, with some cereal and milk. Cosima already knew what she wanted, she had it ever morning, when she woke up that is. Measuring out her cereal and pouring in the milk she chomped loud, getting her phone from under the table and looking up new French words.

"How are you today?" Dennis asked, folding the paper up and sliding it over to Janice, who watched over it, staring at Cosima. Cosima smiled, but only at Dennis.

"I'm great dad. Like I am every year." Dennis could see the pain in her eyes, the pain that is always there, but really shows itself once a year. He smiled at her in a comforting and understanding way as she looked back to her cereal and ate in silence.

"Looking forward to graduation?" Janice said, she was being nice last night, Cosima knew that she probably felt bad about last night, bad about what she said. Cosima didn't reply, Janice's face dropped and she looked to Dennis for help.

"We will be there, and afterwards dinner." Dennis clapped his hands together and rubbed them just thinking about how great that chicken pot pie would be. Cosima liked it, and would like it again tonight, but Janice was making it two years in a row now. It wasn't the same when there wasn't holes it it or bits missing, the pastry being a little hard, as it always is with Dennis. Cosima was already dreading it, but not as much as the conversation they had each year to. She wouldn't see Delphine until this evening, but she would see Scott in 15 minutes and that was even harder. She wondered if it was his graduation as well.

At the platform the usual happened, ticket scanner, up to the station, on the platform, get there just in time and get onto her favourite carriage with no seats. Except today everything felt weighted, like water was all around her and it was hard to move. As if she was moving not of her own accord, but with the current.

"Hey Cosima!" Scott called out, whispering something into some guys ear who moved right away. Cosima took the seat and smiled at him. He was absolutely buzzing, she had seen him every morning that week and he had not been as chipper as today. Each morning they talked, kissed and parted. None of which she put her whole soul into.

"Hi man." She greeted, sitting and giving him a fuller smile. He told her that he had something about not wanting to make a scene when he announced he was cheating on her so the guy left. This broke Cosima's heart. How could she tell him now, that she laid back, chill and loyal Cosima was cheating on him. She couldn't even consider it cheating because she felt nothing for him except guilt and that was only on principle.

"Ready for the big day?" He asked practically jumping in his seat. Why was he so happy, Cosima hated it. She smiled anyway and replied,

"Yeah I can't wait, the rest of my life you know." He nodded, suddenly turning nervous and a little pale.

"I never thought about it like that." They were silent for a second and then Scott touched her hand, she immediately withdrew it and glared at him. Seeing his shocked and sad expression she realised this was something people did, so gave her hand back and let him take it.

"Don't worry dude just forget about the future, enjoy the now. You know?" She said leaning her head back on the cold morning window. He sighed and looked to her.

"You're so smart." He said. She wasn't. Delphine was. And that pained her. "I can't wait for tonight, is it smart or casual. I have this amazing sweater vest I coul-" Scott began. Cosima freaked out, sweater vest, he was just like Dennis.

"God no!" She said. "No I mean urm, just like wear a shirt and jeans or something, if you have that. Really casual, you don't want to come off as like too pretentious..." Cosima was hoping he would just suddenly fall ill and not be able to come.

"Oh ok." He said, giving her an awkward smile and then looking into her eyes. She blinked a lot and looked out the window. He moved a little closer to her and pressed his shoulder up against hers. Cosima froze, and pulled away a little. Their stop came up so she stood, didn't look at him and walked to the door, cringing so hard. He followed after her like a lost puppy. No, a pigeon when you had food that you wanted to eat yourself.

Delphine stood in her room looking over her clothes, she had no idea what she was going to wear. Something formal, because it was a big day, but something which flattered her, and made her look nice. But all of her clothes were cardigans and summer dresses, the south of France was always summery and when it wasn't she was inside the labs working. Delphine pulled off her t-shirt and dropped it to her pillow, looking over the various tops in her bra. She picked up one, a red dress top that was perfect for a garden drink, but not for a family dinner. She took it back off, putting it back on her rack of mismatched clothes. Next she grabbed a black dress with straight shoulders and a straight cut neck just above her chest. But that was too much like a funeral, looking in the mirror she took it off, taking her pants off as well for extra ease. As she did this she had a horrible feeling that she was being watched. It was not Cosima. Cosima had watched Delphine fall asleep for the past week at least, every night on that windowsill. Delphine didn't say anything because she thought it was cute, adorable even. She would pretend to be asleep just to watch her even more. Seeing her face before she fell into the depth of a dream. Cosima would be at school, her last day, graduation, caps and gowns and goodbyes. Delphine felt nostalgic, they had a whole different system over there, they celebrated leaving school in a big way. When she left she finished her exams, and walked right out of the school gates, not coming back until results. Not worrying until she had to. But then she was educated and England, going home on the train over holidays. She didn't regret the boarding school, but that was where she met Danielle.

Janice. Delphine felt a cool shiver through her spine as she connected eyes with the woman in Cosima's room. Delphine froze, not thinking about what she looked like, worried about what Janice would think. She saw her eyes drop to set up on the windowsill, the pillow and cover, the imprint of a head. Delphine knew Janice would say nothing, but that didn't mean she had put two and two together. Delphine stood there in her underwear, in full view of Cosima's bedroom. _What did she think they were up to_? Her heart raced, eyes darting about Cosima's room, as Janice dropped the washing she had brought in on the bed, patting it, still looking into her house. With a confused and alarmed smile, Janice turned leaving the room in a rush. Delphine stood there just staring at the door, thoughts racing through her head, her heart felt like it was in her throat. Maybe she thought nothing, maybe she did not put the puzzle together. Or maybe Delphine was over thinking it, they had done nothing. Cosima did not even know Delphine caught her each night, or that Delphine didn't close her curtains just for this purpose. What a funny window any how, right opposite another. Almost like fate.

Delphine quickly picked an outfit, putting the others away and for the first time closing her window over, shutting out the peaking eyes and crazy conclusions.

Cosima threw her cap into the air just in time for the photo, grinning energetically and with such enthusiasm it really captured who she knew she was. Confident, happy and going far. She hugged her friends, crying and said her goodbyes to teachers. There were hundreds of people on the football field, all piled in like cattle, conforming to the graduation stereotypes. But it was special, the tears Cosima expressed were of happiness because now she was free. She was 18, she had finished school and she had the whole world at her feet. But she was not complete.

"I am so proud of you Cosima!" Dennis said running over with Janice snapping pictures of the whole affair. Cosima ignored her, she wasn't going to let Janice ruin this too. Dennis wrapped her in a gigantic hug a grin wide across his face too, thrilled that his daughter had achieved so much. "Valedictorian! You were amazing Cosima, I always knew you could be." Dennis was so damn proud and Cosima could feel it in their embrace, he let go, planting a kiss on her forehead and stepped back taking real care in looking at the woman she had grown up to be. She grinned, and waved at some people she knew and turned her attention back to Dennis. A huge sigh of relief came through her and she really felt like she had done it. The highest achiever in class, valedictorian and now she had the pic of universities. But what was more on her mind, was tonight. Not just that Delphine was going to be there, but that she was there with Scott. Dennis saw the shift in expression, thinking it was Janice and pulled her in for another hug. "You mother would be so proud of you." He whispered into her ear, keeping this moment out of Janice's stare or hearing. Cosima seized up at the words and closed her eyes. She could see how much this day was hurting him, she felt it too. Maybe it was time to see the place where she was buried. Maybe. But now she didn't want to think about it. Today was her day.

Delphine stared at the number on the piece of paper. If she was going to move on, if she was going to do so with anyone, let alone Cosima she needed to close up all the loose ends. Take the next chapter of her life with both hands, and not with one. Her thumb pressed hard on the buttons to her land line. Waiting for the operator to connect the call. It began to ring. She went through all the details about international calls before she rang, just to check. She knew what she had to say, she had written it on bullet points so she wouldn't forget, even having a glass of wine with her to calm her nerves. That's what the French thought, all problems could be solved with a glass of wine.

"_Bonjour_?" A woman's voice on the other end greeted in a formal tone. Delphine's heart felt like it was going to give in, she suddenly felt weak, her mind blank, totally empty of all thoughts. _Her _voice. Danielle. "Hello?" Danielle added, a little irritate. Delphine would have to say something soon, she would have to speak up or forever hold her peace as they say.

"Danielle?" Delphine whispered into the microphone, her voice dry and croaky. A tear slowly made it's way down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. Standing in the living room, holding tight onto the phone cord.

"Delphine?" The voice picked up with an edge to it, surprised, shocked even, and confused.

"_Oui_." Delphine responded. They didn't speak at first, both just breathing down the phone line, a thousands miles away yet it felt so close.

"How is America?" Danielle asked, she could fell the tension in her voice, she wanted to hear about it, to see if she was fine or failing. Delphine didn't really know what to tell her. It was strange to hear Danielle speak perfect English, last time she checked she was just learning.

"Good." She finally responded, another tear falling. Her hand entangled itself in the wire. She sighed and sat back on the sofa, right on the edge of it, clinging to the phone, begging to hear her voice again.

"_Je suis heurerx d'entendre_." Danielle said in her dreamy slow voice, it too seemed like she was getting emotional. Delphine felt the words boiling up in her, she again felt the pain from their departure rifling through her mind. Then she couldn't take it anymore, it was now or never.

"_Pourquoi avez-vous quitte_?" Delphine said more tears falling. "Why did you leave me?" She repeated, holding so hard onto that cord, making her knuckles white. She needed to know. The whole issue with this is that broke up because of Danielle, it was nothing Delphine had done. She still had the feelings and one day, it ended. She should have seen it coming, Danielle coming back later and later into the night, and the sex diminished. But it was not over. But it was. To everyone else but Delphine their relationship was finished. It was time for big reveal, Delphine built herself up for it.

"Delphine don't do this. You know why. Please I need time-"

"You need time?!" Delphine was so emotional her sadness quickly turned into anger at the words she spoke. "_Pourquoi_?"

"Don't be so stupid Delphine, stop being so naive. I met someone else. I moved on. We were dead. _C'est fini_." Danielle's words broke her deep inside. It was reality. She had always known there was someone else but Dani had never admitted it. She had never said it out load, and now here she was, shouting down the phone to America. How things had changed in such a short time. Delphine began to really cry and just clutched the phone in her hands. She was not sad as much for the break up now, but for the closure she felt. It all came to fruition and she just needed time.

"Thank you." Delphine was finally able to say after a while of silent crying. "_Merci, merci merci._" There was no point in continuing the conversation for more time than she had to. That was all she needed. Closure.

"_Merci_?" Danielle questioned straight away?

"Thank you for leaving me. I am glad I did no get trapped with a lying, cheating whore." Delphine slammed the phone down on it's receiver. Letting her frustrations leak out of her like a water fall, letting the sensations of weightlessness envelop her and consume her. She dried up her tears, wiping them away and walked to the window hearing a car noise. At the final tear she saw the Neihaus car pull up on their drive, Janice, Dennis and Cosima getting out. Delphine swallowed, rubbing her eyes and smiling into the net curtains. Cosima was here. Cosima's eyes looked over to the house, but Delphine fell backwards. She couldn't let wonderful Cosima see her like this. She needed to get cleaned up ready for birthday meal. She was so excited and she had the perfect present.

"Your mother sits by the window, wondrous rays of beautiful sun light on her face, she smiles in a way she never has done before, like she has a secret that she can't wait to tell, beautiful and calm."

"No she said she had a dream." Cosima corrected Dennis. They were sat alone in his office, Dennis in his leather office chair and Cosima sat up straight on one of the dinning room chairs opposing him. Dennis looked up at her his hands holding each other on the desk and his head hanging low. Cosima was feeling nothing, she didn't feel horror or sadness, depression or mania, just nothing. Cosima continued the story. "She told you she was swimming in a deep, dark lake and could breath, it was night but she could see, sun rays passed through water like fingers pointing the way. She was happy. Swimming amongst the fishes." Cosima waited for him to continue, staring at him with such investigation, waiting for a slip up. Dennis took a deep breath, lifting his head to the ceiling.

"By the time the doctor came, her face was ash white, eyes distant, but her grip was still strong. They cut into her, and pulled you out. You were blue, not breathing, the cord was still wrapped around your neck." He used his hands to motion the hold it had on Cosima's fragile neck. "The doctor worked on you, and as you took your first breath.." Cosima cut in.

"She took her last." Dennis did not pause, just continued the story.

"They tried to revive her, and she was gone." Again Cosima cut in. Sitting on the edge of her seat, her mind fully focused on every intricate detail of what he was saying and how.

"I was here." Dennis sighed heavily, his eyes closing and his mouth moved a little.

"Yes, you were here." He finally said, and with a colossal relief he parted his hands and put them behind his head, contemplating.

"That's everything?" Cosima quizzed, wanting to know every detail of the events leading up to her mothers death. Like she did every single year.

"Yes." Dennis stated softly. Then his tone changed, like it did each time. "Do you do this to punish me?" He asked honestly. Cosima began to get up from her chair, and hear to the office door.

"I'm just making sure you've told me everything, that you haven't left anything out." Cosima said this in such a suspicious way that it made Dennis feel awful. How was she to know what actually happened. The only way she knew how was to ask him every year on her birthday of the exact details. The dream her mother had had before she killed her. Dennis hunched back into his chair watching her walk out. It was always a horrible conversation but he understood. Cosima walked out whilst Janice walked in with one of famous smiles, she wore when she was about to destroy someone. Cosima waiting until she had closed the door and pressed her ear to it, wanting to know what they were discussing. Never did they go in there alone and shut the door. Never would Janice smile that way unless she was up to something. Words were said, and then Cosima listened carefully.

"Cosima is fragile, you have no idea what she has been through. You never had kids you don't know how it feels-" Dennis was saying in a sombre tone.

"Well yes I do know how it feels Dennis!" Janice was saying. This took Cosima by surprise, what did she mean? They were silent.

"I am so sorry Janice." He was beginning, but she must have done something for him to be quite.

"I understand that you are protective over her. But it is not right, it is simply not right." Janice paused, elevating her tone. "That woman cannot replace her mother." Cosima's eyes widened. "I just want what's best for her. I always have Dennis. You know why." Cosima ignored the comment and focused on what she was hiding. Something they both knew but would not say aloud. Dennis coughed.

"I know." His tone was understanding and deeply sympathetic, why was he sympathetic? She did not deserve sympathy, _what the hell is going on_?

"Just don't treat me like I have no idea. That I am treading in deep water. I've been here before." _What_? There was some shuffling, Cosima jumped back running up the stairs and into her room, shutting it tight and letting the afternoon sun fill her. _What did Janice mean, did she have kids_? Cosima couldn't actually believe it but she was kinda feeling something for her, sadness.

Delphine got dried up, did her hair and put on her long purple dress, it was a formal dress but she altered it, putting a slit all up her skirt at the side of her long leg, heels and jewellery. She looked good, just a touch up of make up and she was ready to go. She wasn't glamorous, but she looked hot. Even she knew that.

Cosima pulled her red baggy tank top on, her black skinny jeans and pulled her dreds back behind her head up into a loose messy bun. Red bangles and light lipgloss. This time she wanted something different. In the mirror she grabbed some of Janice's shitty eye liner and began work. She needed to blink half way through, doing so smudged it at the edges...it looked kinda hot. Outlining the rest in a thin line with a flick she finished, looking at herself and smiling. Delphine would love this.

Delphine sat on her sofa watching the clock. There was time, but her heart was trying to keep calm, her nerves were electric. She was so tempted to turn up early and forget the consequences but she waited. Patiently watching the small hand. On her lap was a package, a blouse she found that she wanted to give Cosima for her birthday. A gift she was given that she had always cherished that she now felt she wanted to give to her. It was small and not much in terms of personalisation, but it was what she had. She didn't know Cosima well even if she felt she did. She just hoped Cosima would enjoy it.

Cosima looked out of her bedroom onto the curtains across Delphine's bedroom. Why were they closed? She couldn't ask because then she would have to explain why she was asking and that was creepy. She just hoped Delphine was coming tonight, she felt all warm and fuzzy inside, even with what this day reminded her of. It didn't matter. Delphine mattered. And she wanted to show Delphine that they could work.

"Oh Cosima you cheeky girl." Delphine whispered into warm air thinking about their kiss. She needed to leave now to go next door.

"Come'on." Cosima pleaded looking at her phone screen, waiting for the minute to flick over. A few seconds. Just one more. It was time.

The bell rang.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

Cosima lunged herself out of the bedroom and down the stairs, racing Janice who heard her to the front door. Janice got there first giving Cosima a hateful grin and began to open the door. Cosima didn't care anymore and just pushed her aside, taking a breath and opening it up.

"Hey Cosima." Scott greeted coming forward, touching her elbows and putting a kiss on her cheek. She smiled at him, even though inside her body was screaming. She had forgot about Scott. She had forgot he existed, she only talked to him that morning but still.. She kissed him back fickley and softly, barely touching his skin. He didn't mind, his whole face a flush of red. She looked behind him and saw a bike on the lawn by the gate. He cycled. How cute. She hugged him and invited him in, staring daggers at Janice who stepped back, and smiled politely. Cosima went to turn to go back in the house and cry in her head about Scott and his existence.

"Bonjour." She heard, and her heart skipped beats. Turning around she saw Delphine walking so elegantly up the path, looking to the floor and then to her, pushing a loose bit of hair behind her ear. Her hair was up in this magnificent bun and her long purple dress was so beautiful. She walked right up to her and hugged her. Cosima was on cloud nine, feeling the warms and the skin on her own. Delphine did not say anything at first, just leaning back out of the hug and smiling.

"Hey." Cosima stuttered, embarrassed and overwhelmed with how beautiful she was.

"Cosima come and introduce Miss Cormier to your boyfriend." Janice said in a happy go lucky sort of way. Cosima's smile dropped.

"Yeah sure, come on Delphine." Cosima stated, giving Delphine and apologetic look. Delphine was still looking to Janice and then her gaze dropped to Cosima's eyes. She smiled at her, understanding in a way that Cosima couldn't understand herself. Cosima turned, with a fake smile pushed passed Janice and into the house. Delphine walking behind, not connecting eyes with that woman.

"Scott, this is Delphine my neighbour, Delphine this is Scott." Scott was stood awkwardly in the living room, his eyes brightened up when he saw her, Cosima caught him checking her out and cringed.

"Wow." He let out, trying to cover it up in a cough, embarrassed and blushing. "Nice to meet you." He extended his hand. Without even blinking or hesitating Delphine took it, gently shook it with a smile and a dip of her head. He was staring at her. Cosima kicked him in the foot and invited him to sit down. Scott and Cosima took up the two seater, Delphine perching on the edge of a seat with her legs crossed, showing them off. Cosima noticed and gulped, trying to look anywhere but there. Janice sat opposite them all, watching and waiting to speak. Dennis was around somewhere, Cosima hoped he would turn up and get rid of this awkward atmosphere. Cosima saw this would be a long night and fell backwards, sinking into the sofa. Scott did too, yawning and putting his arm around her. At first she let him and then shrugged him off. When she felt the rejection he looked at his fumbling hands on his lap. Janice shot eyes at Delphine.

"Well, tell us about yourself Scott, what do you do?" Janice asked, gesturing her hands to Scott, resting them back on her crossed legs, sitting up straight and politely. He looked up at her thankful no one was mentioning the awkward rejection and smiled.

"I...urr." He started, nervous and on the spot. "I just graduated. Urm I'm going to major in natural sciences. Really wanting to get into Minnesota-"

"Cosima wanted to go to Minnesota, what a great coincidence." Janice cut in. Cosima suddenly hated the place. Scott looked to Cosima with an expectant expression really happy, excited even. She looked up at him from her sunken position and smiled with false encouragement.

"But specifically evolutionary development." Cosima added into the awkward air. Delphine coughed a little and adjusted her hair, looking at no one in particular. Cosima saw how awkward she felt and it made her feel worse. This was the most awkward situation ever. After a long pause Cosima spoke again. "Where's Dennis?"

"Oh he wont be too long." Janice said immediately as if pre-empting the question.

"I have a Doctorate in Immunology." Delphine suddenly broke the silence, ignoring the tense atmosphere emerging as she spoke in her soft French voice. "It is very interesting."

"Wow." Cosima and Scott said at the exact same time, they laughed together and Cosima caught Delphine's eye, silencing.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you please start to make your way to the dinning room the festivities will begin." Dennis commanded out of no where. They all turned to see him in the door way his hand across his chest in a formal way. Cosima grinned at him, he winked to her. They all got up and filed out of the room, Scott first, Delphine right behind Cosima. Their hands touched, sending pleasure through each other. It would be a tough night, maybe this would be all they got. In the dinning room the lights were off but Cosima could see it laid out so nicely with place mats, wine glasses and napkins, but most importantly a big cake at the head of the table with a number 18 in candles. Cosima filled up inside. Normally it was just an average chicken pot pie and some water, maybe even coke if she was lucky. For them, they had gone all out. Dennis walked quickly around the table, leading Cosima to the head, and pulling her chair back for her. With a grateful smile she stood in front of it, letting him push it beneath her. Dennis pointed for Scott to take Cosima's right and Delphine to take her left at the top of the table. Dennis and Janice grouped around her at the top. Carefully Janice lit up the candles, they fizzed and popped like sparklers illuminating Cosima's face in a white light. Her eyes fell on Delphine over it. She sighed, looking at the most beautiful person she had ever met, illuminated just like hers. Something touched her hand, Scott was holding it grinning at her. _Oh god it was like Janice and Dennis. Like they were married_. She smiled at him, but quickly focusing back on the cake. Cosima took a deep long breath ready to blow them out.

"Wait!" Janice cried out, she looked to everyone, making sure they were looking at her. "We have to sing happy birthday!" Janice commanded pleasantly. Cosima let out her breath in a sigh and looked right at Delphine who shrugged her shoulders just a little and smiled. Janice started the singing, they all joined in by the second word, singing loud. Delphine's voice was the one she could hear the most, followed second by Scott's out of tune wail in the background. Once they finished Cosima took another deep breath, holding it in and closing her eyes. She wished. Never telling a soul what it was. She blew them out in one round, moving her head to get the rest of the the determined flamed. When the room was totally black they all cheered. In the darkness, Delphine slipped something into Cosima's hand. Not being able to see Cosima wondered what it was, pushing it into her jeans pocket just as Janice flicked the light switch.

"Happy birthday!" They all said in unison, Scott a little off, seeming to make up sounds that sounded like the word, obviously too slow to realise what they were saying. She smiled at them all, even Janice. Her eyes lingered longer on Delphine more than the rest, they shared a moment. But moments were always interrupted. Delphine moved her leg under the table and brushed past Cosima. Cosima's heart jumped in her chest but she acted natural, feeling the way Delphine's foot touched her. She had only thought about footsie as a joke, she never thought anyone did it. But when she knew who it was, and how forbidden it was, it really was...hot.

"My little girl s all grown up, no denying it" Dennis said allowed, his face a bright red from happiness.

"Well you try" Janice said, giving a snide comment at his attempt to deny she was growing up. Janice passed a cake knife to Cosima, with a overly nice smile. Cosima took the knife feeling how heavy it was in her hand and weighed it up. With a sigh she looked up to Delphine and grinned.

"You do it?" Cosima offered, pacing the knife over. Delphine smiled back, going to take it, their hands touched. Scott could feel and see the sexual tension, he thought it was in his head, and he tried to control his breathing. The way they seemed to look at each other was so erotic.

"_Daccord_." Delphine said, appreciating the sentiment so much.

"No! Its good luck for the birthday girl to do it." Janice complained, taking the knife straight form their exchange and trying to give it back to Cosima. There was an awkward and tense pause. Dennis jumped in to save them.

"I'll do it! Always need some good luck." Dennis said rubbing his hands together and grabbing the knife putting it straight onto the cake and cutting down. Janice stared at what just happened, swallowing her pride and then smiling again. They were each handed some cake, ate it, and then it was time to wash up before Dinner was ready. Cosima was going to get up and help clean, but Delphine scooped up all the plates, even in her emasculate attire and headed to the kitchen with Janice. Dennis kissed her head and wondered out of the room. Leaving Scott and herself together, she scooted his chair closer to her.

Janice and Delphine stood in the kitchen, Delphine washing up the dishes and Janice chopping into some salad stuff whilst the pie heated up. After a while of cleaning in silence Janice stopped chopping at the lettuce and turned to Delphine and said in a hushed tone.

"She is troubled and confused." Then paused. Delphine looked up with a furrowed brow, not sure what she was getting at but knew it was about Cosima. Delphine looked through the kitchen door to Cosima far away and smiled. Looking back again. "I don't want her misinterpreting your fondness for her." This took Delphine by surprise. She tilted her head and bit her lip, scrubbing the plate harder.

"What?" She managed to say. Janice gripped the knife harder but sighed, as if what she was saying was such a hard thing to do.

"You have a connection, I think that loosing her mother caused her to have an attachment to you. A mother figure she never had. You need to make it obvious your interest in men." Janice chopped only once into the lettuce, separating the pile she had already cut into the bowl picking up a tomato, slicing it down the sides with the knife edge. Watching the red juice spill and stain the chopping board.

"What?" Delphine repeated. What was she trying to say. Was this a 'stay away from my daughter' type of conversation.

"You are urrrr interested in men?" Janice looked to Delphine, worry evident all over her face. Delphine turned fully to her, leaning one arm on the counter side, her face looking confused, insulted and trying hard not to rip into her. She tilted her head and got back to cleaning, not believing what she was hearing. _The girl was 18 she could do what she wanted_. Janice just looked at her, slowly shaking her head and ripped into the fruit.

Cosima perked up a bit, she was holding hands with Scott on the table, she didn't want to, but she couldn't tell him she didn't like him that way now. It would be horrible for both of them. As Delphine fled the kitchen she smiled at Cosima, motioning with her eyes a secret gesture to get out of here.

"Cosima I have a present for you." Delphine said, producing the parcel from her bag. Cosima's eyes lit up, this would be the best present. Letting go of Scott's hand they ignored him, Dennis walking past to sit next to him on the table. They began to talk as Cosima and Delphine disappeared up stairs. Cosima held her thoughts suddenly freaking that she had not tidied her room or that she had left something out that would incriminate her in some way. Trusting her past self, her hand pushed the handle down and the heavy door opened. She offered Delphine to walk in first. Delphine looked pained, but brushed past her, their arms connecting and sending Cosima's heart into flutters, like every time they were around each other. This was the first alone time they had got. Cosima shut the door and flicked the light on, shining light over all of her life. Delphine was drawn to the walls, the paintings, drawings and sketches that lined it. They were surreal, alternative and showing something Delphine had never seen. That was the amazing thing about art, and thats why she loved to pain it. Art proves to us that sadness is a necessary part of life, it gives us a way to express it. Showing that just because you have a lot more sadness than others doesn't make you different. It makes you human. Art brings out the beauty in the every day. At this age, she needed to really appreciate everything. Cosima sat on her windowsill, one leg under her, the other over the edge. Delphine found a photograph pinned into the wall. It looked just like Cosima, she really had her eyes.

"Is this your mother?" Delphine asked, picking the picture at its corners. The woman had bangs and dark hard, a small nose and was short and gawky, but in such a mysterious and wonderful way. Cosima nodded, playing with her jeans ankle. Delphine took one last look and moved on. Cosima felt sad again, but happy with her presence. It was 18 years to th day. "What was her name?" Delphine asked, Cosima looked into her eyes and tried to hide her pain.

"Zara." Cosima remembered. Delphine moved from the picture and looked at things on her desk, then sat on the other end of the sill. She pulled out the parcel again, and handed it over. Cosima didn't take it straight away, her hand lifted up to Delphine's face, stroked it, pushing some hair behind her ear. Delphine felt the heat of her finger, and the rush of her own blood to her cheeks. Her breathing increased at the contact, but as quickly as it began it was over. Cosima picked up the package, and began to unwrap. Inside was a white blouse, translucent, with white polka dots over the body of it. The sleeves were long, and the neck was lined with a black line, buttons down from the neckline to the chest. Cosima held it out in front of her, without thinking getting up from the sill and standing up. She pulled off her red tank top, dropped the bangles to the bed and started to unbutton the shirt. Delphine watched her, eyes scanning her skin, her black padded bra, her flat stomach, her chest rising and falling as she breathed. In no time the blouse was on, Cosima not doing all of the buttons up. She stopped just above her chest, letting her bra show. Delphine got up, they both looked in her full length mirror, Cosima seeing how amazing she looked. Delphine admired her, she wore it so well. It was a perfect fit, the sleeves were a little long but she made it word. Delphine's couldn't take her eyes off of Cosima's chest. Delphine's hands couldn't resist, her fingers felt the fabric under her skin, trailing down her arm, holding the fabric between her fingers, and then letting go.

"You look beautiful." She said, transfixed by her. Cosima felt all of the senses on her arm run wild, following Delphine's finger down her arm again. Cosima looked at herself up and down, she was a woman now and she was so beautiful, even she had to admit that. Cosima placed her own hand on Delphine's on her shoulder, turning to face her, their bodies touching. Her whole front side tingled at their connection, and she wanted Delphine more than she could ever imagine. They locked eyes, Cosima blinking from her lips and back again. Cosima went in for the kiss, opening her mouth, but she pulled away from Delphine just as they were about to connect. Smirking she breathed over her mouth, Delphin opened hers too, they were like magnets, moving with each other but not touching. Then Delphine couldn't take the temptation anymore. She held Cosima's head, kissing her straight on the lips. Her grip loosened as Cosima held her wrists, securing them together. Their lips began to move, kissing and breaking kissing and breaking, their breathing increasing. Delphine felt every fibre of her being unfolded and opened up, her sensations were alive. Cosima kissed back trying something, she slid her tongue out of her mouth, tracing the outside of Delphine's mouth. _Oh my god, this was amazing_! Cosima was freaking out as their tongues connected. Tentatively exploring each other.

Knock knock.

They broke away from the kiss just in time for the door to open and Janice to look inside with a smile. Delphine looked straight to the floor embarrassed and ashamed of what she had done, after all Janice said. Cosima was 10 years younger. Cosima looked to the floor too, her hands instinctively going to her chest doing up all the buttons she could.

"Dinner is ready girls." Janice told them, holding onto the door, one foot in, one foot out. She knew what they were up to. Her face quizzical to Delphine.

"Ok Janice." Cosima said irritation high in her voice. Janice did not leave, waiting for them to follow her. Delphine left first, lifting her head and pretending it did not happen, smiling politely and with a little edge of amusement. Cosima walked out to, but before she exited her own room she pinned Janice against the door.

"Leave me alone, Janice." Cosima said with such venom. It was not her at all, it was nothing she would ever expected she would do, but Janice was such a bitch. Janice freaked out, her face full of horror, trapped between a fuming small body and a heavy wooden door. Cosima sighed hard and followed Delphine into the hall and down the stairs. They held each others hand in the darkness until they reached the bottom of the stairs, separating and acting as if nothing happened.

"Cosima." Scott greeted hugging her again. They walked into the dining room, Cosima sat at the head of the table, Scott holding her hand on the surface, Delphine stroking her leg underneath. _What the hell was she going to do_?


	11. Chapter 11

11.

The dinner was finished. With Dennis there it was not as awkward, Janice was on her best behaviour in front of him, and the conversation flowed.

"What's the plan for the next few weeks kiddo?" Dennis asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin and taking his red wine in hand. Cosima sat back in her chair, looking at everyone in front of her on the table. She hadn't even got an idea of what she was supposed to do now. Delphine retreated her leg to by her own, whilst she spoke. Distractions were noticeable when everyone was staring. Delphine looked over to Janice with a smile, Janice did not smile back. Cosima thought hard, it was inevitable. She was going away. Maybe she would do what Delphine suggests and take time to really appreciate the now. Maybe what they have between them is just...whatever it was. She would have to accept its end one day. But she would be damned If it was now.

"Like...get high, run away and become a fugitive?" Cosima joked, everyone laughed a little, Janice even seemed a little worried. "No no, urrr I guess like prepare for university. But I think right now I..." She looked to Delphine subtly. "I want to appreciate the now, and spend a few weeks reflecting on what I hold important to me, you know. Like dude I'm 18, the rest of my life isn't a big deal. I have time. Why not enjoy some of it." Cosima nodded her head to her own statement, realising that she did mean every word. Dennis beamed at her, so proud.

They began to talk about other things, university, friends they were leaving behind. What Scott was doing. Scott seemed like a really nice guy, but he was just caught up with a really bad situation, Cosima.

"So Delphine do you have a partner?" Janice asked out of no where, everyone clutched to their drinks at the sudden tension. Although Delphine played along so well. She smiled as if grateful she was being asked a question and pretended to think.

"_Non non_, not anymore. In the move we broke it off." Delphine said, and it broke Cosima's heart. So recent, the wound probably still fresh.

"Does long distance not work these days?" Janice joked sipping on her wine. She wasn't saying it with any venom, and it really surprised Cosima, maybe Dennis had felt the tension and told her to back down? Delphine sighed.

"Oui. We were actually trying for a child." Delphine said, she did not move, her eyes locked as if in battle with her. Cosima frowned a little at the words. She had never got that vibe off of her. The science was there, but two woman trying for a baby, if that was the same person, it would be hard. "And when it didn't work, after a lot of money, time, effort, and loss...they found someone else." The room was dead silent. Janice's eyes were suddenly pained and sad with such depth to them. Cosima had never seen her to human at any point in her life.

"I know _exactly_ what you mean." Janice consoled holding their eyes together in a common mind, she gulped at her wine. And truth was, Cosima didn't even think she was lying. After what she over heard in the office maybe Janice was right. Maybe in some twisted way this woman that she hated had felt pain...still no excuse to be a dick. Delphine turned to Scott.

"What do you do in your free time Scott?" All the attention was on Scott, the whole tables eyes were on it. He noticed and flushed red, pushing his glasses up his nose with a nudge. His hands began to fumble again like when anyone was near him. He was suddenly embarrassed, what the hell for Cosima did not know. Even his breathing was annoying her.

"I study, and `urrr, Warhammer-" He began.

"What's that?" Janice asked. "Sounds violent." Now that was a dig, Janice was back to her usual self.

"No, ha!" Scott laughed. "It's model making and painting to recreate wars and battle..." He sounded really lame. But Cosima was really into watching others do it, she mentally slapped her head. _Why did he have to be cool too_? "Dungeons and dragons as well. I urrr.." He rambled on about his hobbies. Everyone looking at each other a part from Delphine. Cosima moved her hand under the table and nudged her, Delphine looked up from the table with sad puppy dog eyes. Oh my god, where was the dog right now? Cosima thought and then forgot about it, as Delphine took her hand in secret. They squeezed each other in comfort. Cosima did not know anything about what had just happened, but she felt she knew Delphine on such a new level. They had both lost someone. She wasn't really sure if she would be able to talk to her about it. Did she loose her kid? Or did it just not work in the first place? Scott finished talking, Dennis cut in.

"Great, maybe Delphine could use you!" He said, Cosima and Delphine snapped back to reality, having no idea why Delphine was mentioned.

"Huh?" Cosima asked. Dennis smiled nicely, and raised his hand over to Scott.

"Urr." Scott's eyes briefly connected with Delphine and he stuttered. "I also work part time at the nursery. So like with plants. Mainly to study them, but I do garden type work. Mowing, sheering, tidying up..that urrr." He took a breath, struggling a little to get words out through his nerves. Cosima could tell he hated being the centre of attention. "Mr. Neihaus said you needed that sort of help?" He looked up to Delphine with an awkward smile. Delphine smiled back pleasantly and nodded her head, thankful for the change in topic.

"_Oui_, of course!" She encouraged him. Cosima and I tried to tackle the front lawn, but the back...that is a whole other world." Delphine at least was honest, Cosima had never seen her back lawn. But Cosima couldn't help but be overwhelmed with jealously. If he did work on the garden he would be here all the time. How was Cosima going to even function with him around. What if they were having one of their...moments, and he walked in? Again everyone began to talk amongst themselves, about Scott and his work. He was distracted by them all. Delphine looked to Cosima straight away and they shared a look together.

It was the end of the night and it was alright. The only part Cosima would ever remember was Delphine in her room. She suddenly was aware of the blouse on her skin, she felt it was emitting something on to her. And she felt good. Really good.

"Well thank you all for coming to celebrate with us." Janice said as they all crowded around the hall. Cosima was stood so close to Delphine, almost touching, but her attentions were supposed to be on Scott. Janice and Dennis left the hall after shaking hands and saying goodbyes, Delphine didn't kiss her cheek like she wanted, but hugged Cosima tightly before leaving Scott and Cosima in the hall together.

"Happy birthday Cosima." He said sweetly, he went to kiss her but she pushed him back with one hand.

"Dude." Cosima said flinching He was confused and sad, stepped back anyway. They walked out of the door and down the lawn to his bike. He was a little pissed he didn't get to kiss her, but picked up his bike anyway.

"Thanks for sitting through that" Cosima thanks him, as he pushes his bike stand off.

"I enjoyed it." He said with a sad confidence.

"Really?" She asked, not seeing how he could possibly have enjoyed that. But then again, he was not caught up in this horrible love square, Delphine and himself on two edges, Janice and Cosima on the others. Cosima sighed.

"Yeah, everyone's family is weird. It was nice." He said honestly. She supposed they were a weird and dysfunctional family but they were all she had.

"Thanks." She added. "You know what. Birthday's are always built up throughout the year and when they happen you expect them to have this massive climax right, like totally blow your mind. And then they don't. You just sort of feel no different..." Cosima said, he didn't know how to respond and saw the pain in her. She had rejected him enough today so he just sort of stood there.

"Hey urr Delphine said that I could landscape her garden, because I work at the gar-" He continued the conversation from earlier and again it brought an anger up in her. Cosima looked over to Delphine's house, but she hadn't gone in like she thought she was on the porch with someone, she was laughing and smiling, the porch light shining on her face. She couldn't make out exactly who was next to her. Then her heart dropped. It was Mark.

"Look I don't want to necessarily see you all the time, we get the train together and now I can't even dog sit without seeing you out of the window!" Cosima let out her anger in a final sharp statement.

"Well jeez Cosima, if that's how you really feel I'll make it easy for you. You don't have to see me at all." Scott felt all the tension the whole evening and now he knew why. He slammed himself onto his bike saddle and flicked up the pedals, lifting it up and riding away. He wobbled a little and then began to pick up more of a rhythm. Cosima stood there on her lawn, in Delphine's blouse wearing the tears caused by a boy she didn't even like, outside of a house filled with tension and denial. The sudden reaction he gave, she felt awful, he must have felt the tension between them all night. She was terrified all of a sudden, for absolutely no reason. Her arms folded over her chest and she tried to stop crying. She was so emotional right now, what an idiot. The horrible thing was that she didn't even think it was about her mum, it was about everything. Her mind thought about the day, the graduation, the night and how everything seemed to happen in such a short space of time. Then her mind stopped, their kiss. Cosima could still feel it on her lips, the soft tender kiss, the harder lust and want. She never felt like that before, she never wanted something or someone so bad. Turning to go back inside she saw that Mark and Delphine were closer, giggling together. What the hell. Delphine caught her eye.

Delphine could feel Janice's eyes all over her and she wasn't even in the room, _Merde_! Sensing the awkwardness between her love and Scott, she quickly pulled her in for a hug. Savouring the warm feeling of their bodies pressed together and the passion Cosima emitted in such a simple gesture. When they broke free it felt like a part of her was left behind as she walked out onto the porch, down the steps and across the lawn. Her heels hurt her feet a little on the uneven ground but she made it back to her house. Just as she came up the lawn her front door opened and Mark walked out. Immediately she smiled, appreciative that he had looked after Doux.

"Hey there Delphine." He said, putting his hands into his pocket as they switch places, she stood on her porch and he stood on the lawn looking up at her. She crossed her arms and leaned up against the support for her porch roof.

"_Bonjour_, how was she?" Delphine asked talking about Doux, he smiled wide and pushed his glasses up, putting his hand back in his trouser pockets.

"Ahh she was alright, made a few messes but nothing we couldn't handle." He laughed, Delphine giggled politely at his comment. Her mind was absorbed like a fat sponge with Cosima still, she wanted to get this exchange over with and go sort herself out with a nice shower. Mark just stood there smiling up at her, her eyes motioned over to Cosima who was saying goodbye to Scott over the rose bushes. Cosima did not look happy, but she wore the blouse Delphine had given her so well. Mark hung about more than she needed him to. Maybe Janice was right, Cosima was young, confused and troubled. Maybe she was bad for her, after all she had her own shit and bringing that with her might just weigh on her too much. Mark laughed again and began to talk.

"Maybe we should go out some time." Mark suggested motioning his hands, when she didn't respond straight away he ran his hand through his hair and took a sharp intake of breath. Delphine's eyes wondered over to Cosima, over to Scott riding away on his bike and the sad expression on her face. Maybe she should go on the date with Mark. Maybe leaving her was the best thing?

"I am sorry, but I can't at the moment." Was all she said, feeling sorry for the small girl over the rose bush. Who was she kidding, Cosima had her small empty heart. She would love Cosima like no one else ever could. Mark nodded and accepted what she said.

"Ok, sure fair enough." He had been shot down enough he was used to it. "Can I ask why?" He stated, again his hand running through his hair. Instead of going back to his pockets, both crossed over his chest. Delphine dropped her hands to clutch the small purse she had brought with her in front of her, in a lady like way. Her eyes drifted to Cosima's and she saw the pain. If only Cosima could hear what they were saying, how Delphine really felt. When she opened the note she had passed her after the candles were blown out she would know. Mark looked over too and saw Cosima walking into her house. He bit his cheek and pursed his lips together. Realising. "Oh ok sure. Urm, have a nice night Delphine."

"Thank you." She said, hoping Cosima noticed the note.

Cosima wondered up the stairs to her room, she got into her bed, fully clothed and pulled the covers right over her. The sweet French music she loved playing in the background. Katherine Jenkins had made it onto her playlist since she heard in Delphine's house. Why was Delphine talking to Mark? Mark fancied the shit out of her, so she knew why he was there. What was Delphine's issue?

Knock knock.

The door slowly opened and Janice peaked her head around the corner. Cosima sighed hard and turned to face her wall. She could head Janice walking in the room and felt the pressure by her feet when Janice sat down on her bed. At the angle she could see Janice. She didn't look mean, she didn't look pissed off or venomous, she looked sympathetic but not even in a patronising way. What was with today.

"Cosima can we talk?" Janice asked, her voice soft and raw. Cosima furrowed her brow, happy to sulk in her bed about her life than talk to her. But she felt like something strange was happening and her curiosity got the best of her. She sat herself up against her wall, knees up to her chest.

"Sure." She replied. Janice seemed hurt, pained even, and her hands were fiddling a little with the hem of her skirt. What ever was on her mind really was troubling her, even her horrific demeanour was gone. Her collection of thoughts and planned movements out like an exhibit for all to see. Cosima raised an eyebrow waiting to hear what she was thinking about. Janice seemed shy, hesitant even. Beginning to talk and then stopping. Cosima was confused, what was so difficult to say. Cosima waited a while in the calm silence for her to say something.

"Did you hear what Delphine said at dinner about loosing her child." Janice started. It took Cosima by complete surprise, the whole tone had changed she was not the person that she hated. She was humble.

"Did she?" Cosima was sure she said something about money, effort and loss but she didn't think anything about actually loosing a child. Did she?

"I think that is what she meant." Janice was so sombre, it was almost scary. It felt like she had such a secret, a hidden message she had the misfortune to tell. It actually made Cosima feel bad for her. Before she physically shook her head and dispelled the thought. "My point is." Janice continued, moving her seating to face Cosima more obviously. "That I feel I need to tell you something." It seemed as though Janice was choking up, weepy even. Cosima was even more confused. She put her arms on her knees and tilted her head waiting for more. Janice took in a deep long breath, and exhaled before continuing. Her eyes dead on Cosima's it was strange. There was so such raw emotion in them. For the first time in Cosima's life she felt they were connecting. "I wanted kids once. Surprising I know, I am so good with them." She laughed at herself. "My previous husband and I were trying for a baby for 4 years...and when it didn't happen, and we found out I just couldn't have kids...that I was broken...that I didn't work. Well...he left me." Janice paused, Cosima wasn't sure whether it was a pause for effect or that she was so involved in what she was saying that it got to her.

"I am so sorry." Cosima said, moving her body under the cover to sit cross-legged, she reached her hands over to Janice. Not to touch her but to show her support. The woman was still evil. Janice noticed the gesture and smiled nicely to her, Cosima could see the build up of tears in her eyes.

"And so when I met Dennis he already had you, I was happy. I was happy to be around you. I can understand why you hate me, I'm sure as hell not a good mother. But that doesn't mean I don't want the best for you." A tear slipped down her face. Cosima's eye brows lifted, she was shocked. The bitch could actually feel emotion. She understood though. Cosima bit her cheek not really knowing what to say, what could you say in this situation?

"I can understand why Delphine is so sad. I know." Janice sighed again. "But I think this obsession you have with her is not healthy." Janice looked to the image of Zara on the wall. "She is not your mother." Janice had over stepped the line again. Cosima forgot all of the feels she had for her, jumped up from her bed and got to the door, holding it open. Not wanting to believe that even through that Janice, what Janice had just spilled to her, she could be such a bitch.

"I think you should leave Janice." Cosima asserted, she wasn't about to shout at her. Janice had opened up, even if it was in a typical Janice fashion, hold your emotions in and if you let them slip make the other person feel like shit. Janice got out of the room, turning to speak, but Cosima shut the door in her face. What an arrogant piece of crap. Cosima needed to get high. Leaning over her bed to the window, she opened it up, noticing Delphine's curtains were still closed. Shaking her head at the memory of her laughing with Mark, she got back off unwrapped her fresh stash of the stuff and started to make up a spliff. This one she packed full of the green. Hoping it would take the edge off. She wasn't even sure when she started to do this drug, a girl named Sarah had done it with her once, but when exactly she couldn't remember. Sitting back on the windowsill she leant against the frame of the window, lighting the spliff and inhaling. She closed her eyes holding it in for the longest time and the letting go. Opening her eyes and watching the slow smoke filter out of the window.

The note.

Cosima put the spliff between her lips and pressed back to get the note out of her pocket. Taking the spliff back in her hand she looked at it, it was a small folded piece of paper. Like super small. At first she thought it was trash and Delphine had given it to her, why, she didn't know, but it wasn't trash. She unfolded it and revealed the message inside. Cosima didn't know much French at all, but this was universal and it filled the void inside of her. She was wrong, about everything. And it felt alright.

'J_e t'aime_, Cosima.'

Light caught her attention, Delphine stood at the window of her bedroom pulling the curtains apart and stopping, noticing Cosima there, noticing the note and smiling. Cosima smiled back filled with what she could only ever imagine before. And that was love.

**A/N Thank you so much for getting this to over 4,000 views in a week, it means so much. I have also got this fic up on A03 if you want to view it there :D **


	12. Chapter 12

12.

Cosima was so excited, she had finished school, she had told Janice to leave her alone and got rid of Scott. It was a fresh start. She still had work at the drug store but that wasn't until the next day. Today she was free. Janice was out doing classes, Dennis was out sorting out the new year back at uni and the house was empty. Delphine didn't work until the evenings, she was all free in her house. Maybe Cosima could go around, and 'garden'. Cosima finally got out of bed, stretching and heading to the bathroom. Washed, dried and changed, she went downstairs grabbed breakfast and headed next door. Delphine had said she loved her. It was even in writing. The note still gave Cosima a buzz, a giant breeze of confidence. Striding down her lawn jumping the rose bushes and up to Delphine's porch she was already grinning before she had even got there. Pressing the doorbell she waited, practically buzzing from the happiness that coursed all through her. She hadn't seen Delphine in a few days, and wasn't sure still what that thing with Mark was about, or about trying for a baby. But these were things she would have to ask about one day. Delphine's silhouette approached the door, going for the lock and opening it up. Her face brightened as soon as she realised who had rang. Cosima gave her a fangy grin and put her arm up against the door stand, tilting her head and looking at her over her black rims.

"Bonjour." Cosima laughed trying her hardest to speak the lingo. She had been practising in the last few days. With loads of time and knowing that Delphine liked her, a weight had been lifted. Delphine giggled and blushed, batting her eye lids slowly and smiled.

"Bonjour." Delphine responded, staying in the door way. They weren't friendly yet, or at least Janice was still up her back and Dennis was never around to defend her. So open love was not on the cards. They just looked into each others for a moment, it felt like an eternity, staring into the depths of love and adoration. Delphine moved both arms and leant on the same part of the door Cosima was. They were so close to each other. Cosima could smell the bath stuff she had sold her a while ago and it smelt so damn good.

"Would you like to come in?" Delphine asked, again blinking from Cosima's soft red lips to her green hazel eyes. Cosima noticed, and wanted to get in there as soon as she could. Out of the prying eyes. Cosima's view flickered over to her own home, seeing Janice in the window 'adjusting the curtains'. Cosima hated her so much. But her blatant homophobia wasn't going to get her down. Delphine stepped out of the way, but not too much, Cosima still having to brush past her on the way in. The contact was amazing after so long, the warmth and tingling she got was so raw. She blushed seeing in the corner of her eye the way Delphine bit her lip and closed her eyes as she closed the door. Cosima could hear Doux running from upstairs somewhere, she bounded down the stairs, her tail wagging so much it mad her whole body shake with it. It had grown so much lately she couldn't even recognise it. But it's big eyes and flappy ears were so cute it was hard to forget. It jumped into her arms, she caught it and hugged it so hard, letting it sniff her all over and bite at the collar of her red woven sweater. She kissed it a few times on its head and laughed when it yapped at her face with its only little panting teethy grin. She let it jump from her arms and disappear somewhere into the house.

"Is there anywhere around here to go, to walk the dog or...just walk?" Delphine asked moving into her view, they were so close Cosima even gulped, trying to contain herself.

Cosima knew exactly where she would take Delphine. The old lake her dad used to take her too, just a walk outside of town. Cosima nodded, turning her head, looking at Delphine's lips and then into her eyes.

"Totally, this lake just outside of town. It would be awesome to go together." Cosima wasn't sure whether Delphine was making it an invite or not, but if she wasn't Cosima was sure coming now.

"A lake?" Delphine was surprised, this was such a built up area.

"Yeah I know right, but it's outside of town where they're thinking of building the new complex. I can show you some of my new French." Cosima grinned with wink.

"I cannot wait to test how good you really are." Delphine insinuated, they stood there in silence for a second or two, locking eyes. Delphine was biting her lip again, her brow furrowed. It was so hot. Their grins turned into staggered breathing and lust. Cosima wanted to save this, she wanted to make this last. For however long she had she wanted to make this whole thing between them last. Savour every moment. Cosima leaned up, putting one hand on Delphine's shoulder, running up her neck with her fingers tips and resting on her jaw. She went in for a kiss, but again didn't let them touch straight away. Delphine knew this trick now, and smiled as soon as their lips did not connect. She shook her head slightly. "You are so cheeky." Delphine mocked, they looked into each others eyes and Cosima grinned winking. Delphine couldn't take these cheeky tricks Cosima tortured her with. Both of her hands came to Cosima's head, pulling her in for a kiss, a real one, with actual touching. Their lips brushed, then came together as one. Enjoying the pleasure they both felt; the intense, and heart filling sensation, Cosima smiled into the kiss, her arms hanging around Delphine's neck.. It was short and sweet and left a lot to linger on, but they pulled away. The air was still. Their hearts being the only sound beating against their chests. Their own personal love song, the rhythm when they were around each other. The chaotic, fast paced dance music they began to associate with each other. Delphine moved away and went into the kitchen leaving Cosima wanting more in the hall, pressing her finger tips to her lips, tasting the sweet flavour.

"A picnic." Delphine said, pushing her loose hair behind both her ears and tying it up sort of like she did at Cosima's birthday. That strange evening she had at the Neihaus'. Cosima wondered into the kitchen and nodded in reply. Delphine seemed to have anticipated her arrival and already prepared such a picnic. Cosima looked suspicious but happy as hell that Delphine had thought of her. Cosima leaned on the kitchen island and watched Delphine pack up the things in a picnic bag. It didn't matter to her that Delphine was 10 years older, it was endearing. She had so much mystery and an old demeanour that it brought the highest level of curiosity out in Cosima. There was a lot more about her that was alluring, her body and the way she used it. The way she walked, talked, interchangeably used French words and they way she looked at her. There was a hunger in Delphine, and Cosima wanted to satisfy it.

"Cosima are you sure this is legal?" Delphine said, carrying Doux over a pushed down chain link fence. Cosima was already on the other side looking around, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Sure Dennis and I used to always come down here." Cosima took the lead and dog from Delphine as she figured out how to get over the rest of the fallen down fence. On the other side they followed a sandy path through some trees and brush. Delphine held Doux on the end of the lead. Realising she was trusting Cosima, a weed smoker on whether this was legal or not. She chose to ignore it: ignorance is bliss. Once the small sand path spread out, the lake came into view just a little lower down than they were. A single wooden dock leading out into it. Doux yapped at an animal in the brush. Sniffing wildly on everything and anything she could get to. Delphine was heavily skeptic, but followed the small girl all the way down the dodgy path to the bank. Once they got there they really took in the beauty of it all.

"Beautiful." Delphine said, looking out into the deep blue waters that expanded into rolling hills in the backdrop.

"Thanks." Cosima said with a wink hands on her waist looking over at her. Delphine smirked at her cheekiness. Cosima began to walk again up the bank to the dock and out on it. Doux finished sniffing everything and came along too, her little lead dragging her reluctantly. At the end they tied her up. Cosima got the picnic blanket out of the bag Delphine was carrying, lifted it into the air, spreading it out perfectly flat on the wood. Delphine kneelt down on the blanket, sitting close to Cosima. Doux looked so sad for a moment until she realised she could still reach them and play, just not fall off the edge or run away. Delphine got out the food. She pulled out olives stuffed with peppers in oil, some bread and red wine. She laid it out with small plates and napkins and then grabbed some neat looking croissants. Cosima saw all the food they had. Tons of bread slices and different oils. Cosima realised this was similar to what they should have had that night. She felt a pang of guilt but Delphine didn't notice.

Over the food Cosima knelt up hugging Delphine tight and smiled into her neck at the contact. Delphine felt relief that Cosima appreciated what she had prepared.

"This is so nice." Cosima said as Delphine uncorked the bottle, getting two wine glasses and pouring them half full. Cosima took hers and went to drink but stopped herself.

"Hold on I wanna try something." She said excited. Delphine stopped taking her sip and waited for what she had in mind. Her mind totally racing with what she could mean. She was so tensed up lately. Even if each night she fell asleep relieved from her second or third orgasm. Cosima leaned across the food once more and with one hand pulled Delphine's wine glass arm towards hers. Without thinking Delphine realised, they interlinked their arms and sipped their own wine. Faces just seconds from each other, eyes locked. Damn it was good! That was the best wine she had ever tasted and it tasted expensive. She felt bad about the potential cost of it and decided to savour each drop. Delphine noticed the hesitation in Cosima.

"My father made this wine in his vineyard in the south of France." Delphine stated with pride. Cosima was so shocked, it was such good shit.

"One day I will get you so baked." Cosima said in reply. Delphine had not heard this phrase before but could already piece it together. Cosima figured if Delphine was giving her all these new experiences than it was the least she could do. They broke the link between the two of them. They both sat down drinking some more of the delicious wine and gazing at each other.

"Baked?" Delphine asked giggling a little at Cosima's excitement.

"I want to do so much with you Delphine. You have no idea. This was one of them. Bread and wine, and now I want to give back." Cosima said, picking up some bread, dipping it in oil and eating it up. "I'm definitely a giver." Cosima said with a seductive edge eating her bread looking at the blanket seeing how the comment landed. Delphine gasped and laughed.

"Cosima!" She said eating some bread too and licking her finger tips. Cosima looked up and grinned, winked and picked some more up too. They ate, looking at each other in such an intense silence. Even Doux was not making a sound.

"I'm going to give you a lot more than just bread and wine." Delphine said after a while. There was an electricity between them, and it was hot. Not saying it but meaning it made it so much more tense.

"Oh really." Cosima said. But then she realised. What the hell did she mean she was a giver and all that, she was a Virgin. An inexperienced never even touched sort of Virgin. Apart from Scott she had never had a relationship. Suddenly Cosima felt strange and weird. Delphine noticed the change and her broke the silence confused as to what was happening.

"Are you ok?" Delphine asked, putting her hands on Cosima's thigh. The touch of Delphine's hand sent shocks up to her core and she blushed. She was so lame. Delphine just touched her and already she was soaked. Either that or the constant sexual tension between them.

"Hell yeah." Cosima replied, getting an olive and popping it into her mouth between a smile. Delphine finished up her piece of bread, looking worried but smiling to her.

Doux started yapping at a fish that jumped in the water. They looked over to her as her paw tried to claw it out.

"Shoo!" Delphine called out, Doux looked straight to her feeling upset wagging her tail slowly. Delphine couldn't help but find it cute and laughed, Doux springing back to life, wagging hard and begging to run. Jumping back when the lead ran out of cord. Doux got back up licking her lips and sitting as close as she could. Talking one more look to Cosima Delphine cheered up, pulling the pup towards her and stroking head to tail.

Cosima chewed on the olive letting it's juices spill in her mouth. A sudden burst of flavour filling her mouth. Her mind was filled with nerves. She hadn't felt this nervous around Delphine since the first time she saw her from her bedroom widow. Seeing this woman and feeling the effect in her body. Cosima was 100% sure she wanted all of what Delphine had to offer but she wanted to be everything for this woman. And she couldn't be if she was bad in bed. Maybe if she got enough practice at it she would be great. How would she even bring it up to tell her?

Delphine saw the distress on Cosima's face and was so confused and worried as to why she was so suddenly enclosed.

Cosima knew she wanted to loose her virginity before she went to university. It was stupid and immature but she wanted to. And now she had someone. Delphine Cormier. The endlessly beautiful, ever experienced older woman who lived next to her. She felt like a crappy cliché novel, where she was the troubled and experimental protagonist. Her life was just a rip off. But it didn't matter her feelings were real. To her.

Cosima had to start this some time. She got up from her seat moving over the blanket to Delphine. Kneeling in front of her she held Delphine's head in her hands as they always seemed to do and kissed her right away. The forcefulness and confidence Cosima was exhibiting sent pleasure all over Delphine straight away. Delphine leant backwards at the force of the kiss. Cosima noticed and kept lowering her with each aroused connection. As Delphine leant back enough, Cosima moved not breaking the kiss to straddle her. It's what she saw in the movies and it felt so natural. Delphine felt what she was doing, holding onto Cosima's waist as she laid her on her back. Her legs moved out as Cosima sat on her thighs, kissing all over her lips. They were pecks at first then she got hungrier, she felt the burning desire she has been hiding. That and a mixture of 'what the holy hell am I doing'. Delphine laid on her back smirking into the kisses, liking Cosima's new enthusiasm. Delphine wanted it to stay slow, keep high on anticipation. Slowly she traced her tongue on Cosima's lips before Cosima met her half way. Cosima's arms and hands were either side of Delphine's face, dominating the woman in a cheeky playful way. She broke away from the kiss opening her eyes and looking down at her with a beaming smile.

"Cosima?" Delphine said, a little worried that she had snapped and was doing this out of tension. Cosima giggled, not responding. She closed her eyes and pecked again at Delphine's soft plump lips. Then the pecks became longer, staying a little more than she should. Again her tongue met Delphine's half way and they played. All the while huge jolts of agonising pleasure shot through both of them. The warmth of their bodies, the forbidden nature of where they were, the age gap, hell even Janice was affecting how hungry they both were. Delphine was tentative about the next move. How far did Cosima want to go. She didn't want to initiate anything, Cosima was too young and vulnerable for that. It had to be her choice. They kissed for a whole longer, but Cosima's arms started to hurt, she wanted to keep going. To do more. To see more. To feel more. Carefully she laid one last kiss and leant up, still straddling her. Her arms moved from the wood around her neck and trailed down to Delphine's chest. With nervous fingers she traced over her collar bones and that little crease in her neck. Cosima could see the want and raw human instinct in Delphine. She wanted to tease her. Cosima liked the idea that she was liked. Cosima began to flicked at Delphine's blouse buttons and I clipped them one by one. Delphine's hands began to help until they both got to between Cosima's legs and the buttons that were hidden underneath. Cosima looked Delphine right in the eye as Delphine's finger brushed the outside of her jeans, right on her core. She'd never been touched there by anyone else but herself. Now even just knowing Delphine's hands were near by was sending her over the edge. Delphine saw the reaction not sure whether to stop or continue. Cosima held onto that buzz between her legs as she in did the rest of her buttons herself pulling the shirt to her sides and revealing her beautiful chest. Her bra was plain but it still brought out a mass of excitement in Cosima.  
>It was Delphine's and that was what made it hot. Cosima leant back down kissing her on the lips, then the jaw, then her neck. Lingering on her neck, sucking ever so gently on her pale skin before kissing deeper to her collar bones. Delphine's had wanted this for so long and it get totally different to how she had imagined it. It was better, not the confident know it all kisses she was used to. Cosima had no idea what the fuck she was doing. She kept kissing nibbling even at the skin. It seemed to do the trick. In the movies and the stories they said to listen to their breathing and react to it. Was deep prolonged breaths a good or bad thing? She kept kissing anyway, all over Delphine's chest. Kissing the tops of her breasts and down to her tones stomach. Delphine had been working so hard on it. Cosima never thought she would be attracted to toned stomachs even though her own was half way there. She moved further down, straddling her legs and reaching the hem of her jeans. Now what did she do? In the movies it was just assumed they were going down. You got a close up of the girls face, her moans of pleasure as she orgasms. But this was not a movie, this was real life. Cosima kissed along the hem, freaking out.. She had no idea.<p>

"Cosima it's ok." Delphine whispered into the afternoon air. Cosima was so thankful that Delphine seemed to know. Hesitating she kissed back up her stomach over her breasts, her collar bones, her neck, her jaw and finally her lips. Just Delphine's finger brushing her trouser was enough, how was being kissed so close to the target? Cosima smiled at her for understanding. Delphine tried to get up.

It wasn't horrible or awkward, she felt a bit strange for being worked up for it and not getting it. But she understood. It had never even crossed her mind that Cosima wouldn't have had sex. In her head she just...had. Kissing was natural, people did it all the time, it was in the movies. But real honest sex...it's better. Harder. It requires full attention and patience and a lot of emotion. Cosima wasn't ready.

Cosima felt like she was at some kind of science fair she hadn't prepared for, knowing she failed and waiting for her grade. But Delphine didn't say anything, she just sat up, still Cosima was on her lap. Her hands played with the sides of her Cosima's tshirt, feeling the fabric and the skin underneath. A smile spread across her face as she rested her hands on Cosima's thighs.

"I was with a boy for my first time. It was scary and I thought I wanted it. I convinced myself I did. But I didn't know there were other things at the time." Delphine started, playing with the creases Cosima's grey jeans made at this angle. "And I was awful at it. When I was with a girl it came naturally. It was scary. Very terrifying. _Cauchemar_." Cosima knew the last word meant nightmare. She felt a little better for being such a let down. She was paying a lot of attention to the closeness of Delphine's fingers to her core. It felt so different. To yourself you know were you're going to put your fingers you know what makes you feel good. But with others you can't predict it, they could do anything and that made it harder for her to concentrate. What was happening in her pants was unreal.

"I've never done..anything." Cosima admitted. She was uncomfortable but she felt safe to say it. Delphine didn't say more she just nodded eating some olives and playing.

"It's ok." Delphine finally said. Her fingers stopped playing with her jeans. She knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it was having. So she stopped herself before she could do more.

Cosima felt too awkward so got off of her lap and sat back where she started. They ate in silence for a moment, and Cosima watched the water. Delphine moved some of the empty food packets, sitting closer to Cosima. Without saying anything she reached her arm around her shoulders and pulled her in towards her. Cosima smiled to herself at the contact, but felt awful for not knowing what to do earlier.

"How about that French?" Delphine encouraged, looking out onto the water. Doux leaning on the other side of her licking the floor.

"Oh god. Time to prove my worth huh?" Cosima said, getting herself ready to prove herself.

"You don't have to prove anything Cosima. You are worth more than the world to me." Delphine said it without thinking, stroking her shoulder gently. This made Cosima feel so much better, grinning to herself and trying to get her head around the new language in her brain.

"_Je m'appelle_ Cosima." Cosima started with such a bad accent it made Delphine laugh. Cosima turned to face her laughing too. Delphine squeezed her in more, leaning her head on Cosima's smelling the soft scents of coconut and almonds.

"_Tres bon._" Delpine praised softly in her ear. Hesitating a little breathing there. The heat and sound of Delphine's breath made her go crazy inside.

"_Dans mon temps libre je lis des livres_." Cosima laughed at how the lame the phrase was, I read books in my free time. But the books she used to study were limited, French for beginners. Delphine laughed in a sigh at what Cosima said.

"Quels livres lisez-vous?" Delphine asked. Now Cosima had no idea what she was saying, she must not have got that far in the book, but the accent and her voice made her fall into a trance.

"I'm good huh?" Cosima joked. Delphine didn't speak straight away just looking into her eyes.

"Yes."

A few hours later they packed up all of their things, and grabbed Doux, climbing over the fence and heading back to town. When they got back Cosima could already see Janice at the door, dread passed through her. Janice was always ruining good things. But then she realised there was a sad expression on her face. A pang of horror crept through her, when it was not Janice's usual expression.

"Cosima could you come inside please, I need to tell you something." Cosima slowly looked from Delphine to Janice her smile she always wore around her fading. Delphine nudged her forward, and Cosima walked up her lawn, missing immediately the warmth and comfort of Delphine to the cold and bleak Janice. But there was something wrong, Cosima could feel it in the pit of her stomach, Janice was nervous, she could feel it. Cosima gulped walking up to the door and pausing just inside.

"Dennis has had a heart attack."


	13. Chapter 13

13.

"Just repeat it in human language, damn man." Cosima complained, the doctor stared at her with a stern expression. Janice was crying at the side of Dennis in the hospital bed. He was wired up to machines, an oxygen mask on his face. The doctor sighed and folded his arms over his clip board.

"I'll say it again. He only suffered a minor heart attack he will be fine in a few days. But seconds are not uncommon, we are just keeping him in for observations.

"Why couldn't you say that the first time dude?" The fact was he had tried to explain it that way three times, but neither of them wanted to realise it. Cosima had no time to hate Janice, she just sat by the side of his bed holding onto his big hand and closing her eyes. Just praying that he would be ok."This can't happen again." Cosima whispered to herself but everyone heard. Janice wanted to comfort her, even holding her hand out like Cosima had before, but chose not to. Cosima was not that type of person. The doctor looked between the two of them and bowed his head in sympathy before leaving. As he exited the door Delphine walked back in from the canteen a tray of coffees in her hand. She didn't look to Janice, just putting the tray down on a small table, taking two out, dropping the napkins and half eaten croissant she had. Delphine sat back down on the chair next to Cosima, stroking her back and encouraging her to lean up Cosima didn't at first, tears silently falling down her face. She leant up, wiping the tears under her glasses and nudging them back up her nose. Smiling sadly, her lips shined from the salty tears, she took the coffee cup, meeting Delphine's eyes. They gazed at each other, Delphine wanting so badly to hug and kiss her, tell her it was ok. She broke the eye contact, sipping on her own coffee, looking over to Dennis breathing slowly. His heart beat was a constant in the room, beeping slowly at regular intervals. Cosima was using it to control her own breathing. In for three out for four. Janice wanted to hold onto Dennis, she wanted so badly to be near her husband but she understood that Cosima needed her space. Conflicted on her wants and needs, she stood up, almost saying goodbye, but chose to leave in silence. As soon as the door closed behind her Cosima turned to Delphine. Almost dropping her coffee and hugging her tight.

Delphine let the words sink in, stood on her porch just listening to Janice's voice. Her key in the door, she let it hang there. Her hands going straight to her mouth when she realised what Janice had muffled. Dennis had heart attack and Janice was refusing to say where he was until the morning. Poor Cosima. Her heart broke, she didn't know Dennis well at all but Cosima idolised him. In the past week she had learned much more about him than her own dad. Hearing the noise she ran down the porch, letting Cosima run into her in the middle of her lawn. Doux yapped as Cosima cried into Delphine's chest. Delphine was so tormented, looking at no where, her eyes focusing in the distance. Cosima's arms were strong but weak, Delphine holding her up so she wouldn't fall. But the weight was so unexpected, she fell to the floor but Cosima did not let go. She sat there cradling Cosima under the evening light, hearing the slow sobs and felt such a pain, greater than she had felt in the past weeks. She knew that she would have to get rid of her own drama for good. Now she had to focus on Cosima. Janice stood watching them in the doorway feeling helpless. It must not have been her fault, heart attacks could happen at any time, for anyone. But she knew Cosima would blame her.

Cosima sobbed into Delphine's chest, Delphine stroking her dreds and down her back, holding her close.

"It's my fault." Cosima said. It broke Delphine's heart even more, her brow furrowed and she put her head on Cosima's kissing her long and hard on her hair.

"Non. It is not Cosima." Delphine consoled. "It's no ones fault." Cosima stopped sobbing looking up at Delphine, her eyes filled with not yet fallen tears. Delphine stared back, unable to help. There was nothing she could do.

"Janice did this!" Cosima spurted, looking at the door with such anger. Delphine shook her head, before she could speak Cosima added. "No I did this. I have been such a shit lately and now he had a heart attack. It's me!" Delphine pulled her in close again kissing her forehead three times, reaching and putting their coffee's down so she could hold her properly.

"No one did this. It was an accident." Delphine was desperate trying to console her. Yesterday had been so beautiful, even if Cosima was nervous and cautious Delphine just enjoyed being with her. Seeing her smile and knowing that she caused that smile, and the way Cosima would go quite when they were about to kiss. As if breaking the silence would break the magic. Cosima wept for a bit, her sobs subsiding whilst her anger and sadness turned into nothingness. Dennis still laid down breathing into the mask, the artificial air pumping into his lungs. Delphine kissed the top of her head again and looked around. It was dark, the morning of the next day.

When Janice had told Cosima, and after Cosima had collapsed in Delphine's, Janice wouldn't give Cosima any information about where he was. Delphine thought this was awful, not letting his own child see him. But Janice was right, Cosima needed to sleep it of.

Cosima was still sobbing but she needed to get up. Delphine carefully pulled her up from the lawn and out of night air. She was tempted to take her back to her house, but Cosima had run here. As soon as she found out she ran straight into her arms. It made Delphine feel happy in a sad way, happy that she would come to her when in need, but sad that she had no one else. If Delphine wasn't there and the same thing happened then it would be horrible. Janice was no mother to Cosima.

Taking her inside Delphine pulled the key back at the door, luckily in the ordeal Doux had stayed by the door, not running away. Doux was smart, even she could see that Cosima was struggling. Inside she shut the door with her leg, carrying Cosima into the hall way. Not even shutting the door or checking on Doux, she began to lead Cosima up the stairs. She had no idea what to do with her, in this state, the tears falling manically, her sobs turning to slow groans. When she got to her bedroom door she took a deep breath, for her it would be the first time they would be in a room alone together. Cosima walked herself to the bed, taking off her shoes and climbing in, crawling under the covers and turning away. Delphine stood there, Doux had made her way up the stairs even with her small little legs and sat by her feet. Delphine didn't know whether to stay or go or what. For a moment she just stood there staring at the small form's chest rising and falling in a pattern around her cries. Doux chewed at her feet, leading her to exit the bedroom. With another sigh she turned to leave.

"Delphine...?" Cosima asked in such a drawn out and lonely way. The rawness and sadness in her voice almost brought a tear to her eye. Delphine had to step up, to be there for her. The worst part wasn't the news, it was not being allowed to see him, not even knowing if he was ok, alive or dead or otherwise. Delphine walked to the bedside looking down at her. Cosima turned to look up, her eyes red. "Can you just..." Cosima tried to find the words for what she wanted, but she couldn't instead she moved over still in the foetal position and left room for Delphine. Delphine furrowed her brow not really sure if it was best, but she got in with her. Cosima pushed into Delphine and they laid there together, cuddling, slow sobs whilst Delphine stroked her hair down to her side. Trying to comfort her. After a few hours Cosima fell asleep. Delphine stayed up to make sure she was ok, but after staying up for another two hours she was sure she was, and fell slowly in and out of sleep all night. Waking up suddenly to check she was still there, she was still breathing.

"It can't happen again Delphine." Cosima repeated, she was sat up leaning on the edge of her own chair now. Janice had returned with some sandwiches, which no one wanted except herself. She sat, legs crossed slowly eating hers watching Dennis with huge doe eyes. She kept catching Delphine's eyes and she knew she would say something soon. With her eyes Janice invited Delphine outside. Delphine looked from Cosima who was now holding her hand again and praying. They both got up and walked towards the door. Delphine didn't know what she would say, but knew that it was going to be offensive and rude.

"How are you feeling?" Delphine asked Janice when they were out of ear range. Cosima didn't even look up to see them through the window.

"I am better." Janice stated, Delphine had caught her crying earlier, but she shut her down with some negative comment on her hair. "I wanted to talk to you about being here." Janice was hinting at something and Delphine hated her already. She hated her because she kept trying to keep her away from Cosima. With good reason, but they connected much more than she thought and age wasn't an issue. Cosima was an adult.

"What do you mean." Delphine didn't even say it in a question, she folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head back, closing her eyes and sighing. Preparing herself to be offended and getting phrases ready to shoot her back down.

"I don't think you should be here, you don't even know Dennis." Janice was blunt as always. This time it did not outrage her, she was too exhausted from staying up late with Cosima, from holding herself together so she didn't seem weak. She was tired of being treated like a bad odour hanging around that no one wanted.

"Look I am sorry that you feel that way." Delphine started, she knew she shouldn't really be there, she did not know him it was true, but Cosima did and she would do anything for her. "I am here for Cosima not you. If you have a problem please keep it to yourself, for their sake." Her eyes glanced over to the two of them. Dennis' heart beat monitor rising and falling in a pattern.

"Thing is Delphine, I know you are not good for Cosima. Cosima needs focus and direction, not distractions. She can achieve so much and you are..." Janice thought of the words, Delphine was actually starting to get angry, taking it to heart. "a hindrance." Delphine was an outrage.

"Janice please just for one night please cut this out." Delphine was not sure what the phrases over here were for this sort of thing. She wanted to tell Janice to leave, but she had no place too. All of this negativity would not be good for his heart once he recovered. Maybe she should just go.

"Janice could you get me a glass of water I am feeling a bit ill?" Cosima suddenly appeared behind them, having opened the door silently and listening. Janice looked at her, then to Delphine, furrowed her brow and then left. Delphine turned to Cosima, arms still folded and still angry, but smiling with tired eyes.

"Thank you." Delphine was grateful for taking her away.

"So the doctor says he will be alright in a few days. I might stay here for a few hours, if you want to go?" Delphine could see the restrain in Cosima, holding back the tears. She should go, but she just couldn't. She couldn't leave her with that witch. He would be ok, the doctors that had examined him had said that straight away. But hospitals bring out the worst in people, in here there is no optimism. Hospitals were places where you go when you are sick, they are not seen as places to go to get better, even if that is what happens most of the time.

"Do you really want me to go. Cosima I can stay here..." Delphine really had to go to work tonight, she hadn't gone the night before because of the news. Her boss understood, she was researching new projects and diseases. But nothing that important. She always felt bad about missing work, she could have found a cure by accident, but she never would. That was not worth leaving Cosima either, she couldn't think of a good enough reason to at all. Cosima didn't answer straight away.

"Go to work. I'll be fine. Janice is just a bitch as usual, I've dealt with her for a year. I can do it now!" Cosima joked. It was nice to see her taking light of this, not letting it weigh her down. Her crying last night was more because she had already lost her mother, and now her father was tied up to machines, breathing with aid and being kept in. Cosima knew the doctors weren't telling them everything, but she just couldn't figure it out. Delphine was worried it was worse than what they had first said. She couldn't leave her. But she did have to. Even at the brink of death life continues.

"_Je t'aime_, Cosima." Delphine said, partially turning to leave but holding back.

"I love you to, Delphine. Just go and work, I'll stay here for a little while..."

"Try and get some sleep, _mon amour_." Delphine took her small body into her arms and hugged her tight, again kissing the top of her head. "Try and get some rest." She said breaking free, turning and leaving the hospital. Cosima watched her walk down the corridor, as soon as she was out of sight she went to go back inside.

"Cosima, I wont allow her back here. She is not good for you. I've taken her off of the approved visitors list." For the first time Cosima could see what life would be like without Dennis, and it killed her.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

"Dennis lay back down." Janice asked him, placing her hand on his chest. Dennis laughed in a pained and tired way relaxing back onto the bed.

"Janice please, I am fine. You are not making me lay back down, I am choosing too." He joked, he was back to his old self even if he was still wired up. It had been a few days, Delphine had not been back, well she had tried but the doctors would not allow her in. Janice and Cosima were sat next to his bed, Cosima kicked back on a chair her feet on the metal railing on the side of his bed. She was reading some textbook, she got into Minnesota but that was far from her mind. Dennis and Delphine were her main priority. She moved her feet from the rails and got up, putting the book down on her bags on the floor.

"Guys I'm gonna go grab a drink, you want one?" Cosima was trying to act chipper. She knew where she was really going. They didn't say a anything, Dennis just fogged up his oxygen mask and attempted a smile. Without hesitation Cosima turned for the door. As soon as it was closed behind her, she began to power walk down the blue corridor, and then jogged, almost at the end she ran, breaking free of the corridor through great swinging double doors. Again she bolted, running down the adjacent corridor and through the last set of double doors to the reception. As soon as she graced the entrance Delphine jumped up from the waiting room chairs and opened her arms. This time Cosima ran into her, hugging tight hard and long, but Cosima was not crying they were happy. Delphine came in every day, apart from sleeping eating and working she spent every waking moment here.

"Delphine!" Cosima gasped, she hadn't taken a breath since they embraced. Delphine smiled down on her head and let her pull away slightly. Without really thinking about it, as if it came naturally to both of them they just sort of stared at each other and leaned in. Delphine's face was shocked, it had been so long and she loved Cosima but she didn't know if they were ready to be public and affectionate, and what if Janice saw?! But they kissed. Like the first time it was soft and tentative as if neither wanted to break the other, as if they would be separate at any point and this would be the sweetest memory. When they broke free Cosima grinned at her with her beautiful fangy grin.

"Cosima." Delphine replied bringing her back in for a hug. They both sat down on the seats, Delphine moving her bags she had put there to save all day. "How is he?" Delphine asked, worry all over her face. She didn't know, and Cosima couldn't wait to tell her the good news. And then the bad news. But she would leave that for later.

"He is fine now, now more trouble and he seems healthy enough. They say it was down to stress, apparently Janice had been holding back on the amount of work and strain at the uni and then this happened...so it was none of our faults I guess." Cosima admitted smiling to the floor and lifting her eyes back up to Delphine. She could see Delphine hanging on her ever syllable and then her face changed realising what was being said.

"I am so glad!" She said in a sigh of relief a smile spreading across her face.

"There is something else but even the doctors are holding back on us for that one. They're doing some more tests which is why he is here. But they say he will be fine." Cosima was acting as if she didn't even believe the words, like she had to say them enough out loud and in her head to make herself believe them.

"Cosima what's wrong?" Delphine asked, her hand going to her shoulder. Now after all this time, Cosima still lit up at the contact, the warm hand on her t-shirt and the tingles that spread all through her like warm water washing over sand.

"Can we just get out of here for a bit, this place is like hella depressing and I need to see the sunlight." Cosima asked, her hand going across the seat and touching Delphine on her lap. The contact again made her crazy but this was a hospital and ew. The thoughts about her going to university were too much for her to think about, she needed a distraction. She would be going away very soon and then she didn't know. This big grey expanse of nothing. Delphine squeezed her hand, she knew what Cosima needed.

"Now this is the thing, olive oil, chilli oil, garlic oil or what?" Delphine smiled bringing the slate onto the kitchen island. They had spent the rest of the day at the lake, and now were back trying to recreate that first innocent meeting before it all went to shit. Cosima looked at all of them, chewing on some French stick with garlic oil on.

"Like I love all of them this is so hard!" Cosima dipped her bread into the chilli oil letting it soak and put the remainder in her mouth. She had no idea, they were all so different but the same and all tasted so good. Cosima gazed into her beautiful big eyes as Delphine put some of her own bread in her mouth, and chewed. It was strange, even the way she ate bread was hot. Delphine noticed her staring with a cute lost expression.

"_Oui_?" Delphine asked looking at the face of her love. Cosima let out a laugh and batted her eye lids.

"You are so ridiculously hot, like really hot." In all this time this was her first compliment towards her. Delphine looked back at her, eating some more bread and leaning towards her head on elbows. They were so close over the kitchen island. Cosima was so hot but the marble surface was cold, it was like some crazy contrast. They both finished what they were eating and gazed, both wanting the other to start something but neither actually managing too. It was like their first meeting. Cosima realised how naïve she had been when they first met to think that the feelings and emotions she felt were normal and just a thing. How stupid was she to not realise that these feelings were admiration and lust. She had the world in her mind and she had missed this. Breathing over took any words, they just gazed at each other in want and breathing began to increase.

"What's your favourite movie?" Cosima asked, suddenly all the feelings crashed over her like a tidal wave and she knew she had to distract herself. She didn't exactly know the reason behind why she had to, but she just knew she did. Backing away she took the tray into the living room, putting it on the huge coffee table and taking up a seat on the sofa. Delphine let out a heavy tensed breath at the intensity between them and followed after her. They sat on opposite ends but not out of hate, both pulled their legs up and they sat side ways facing each other, knee's touching.

"Hmmm." Delphine thought to herself, taking some more bread and eating it up, feeling the sweet and hot flavours explode in her. "I like 'romantic' films. Where the woman loves the man but there are so many twists and turns and they always end up together but you never see it coming. Those are my favourites, I do not have a...a 'specific' favourite." Delphine used her hands to speak, Cosima noticed how she had picked it up and it warmed her inside. Cosima was endlessly talking with her hands instead of actually formulating real words. Delphine caught herself doing it and blushed, looking at her hands in her lap. "You?"

"Si-fy!" Cosima shouted suddenly really excited. Delphine furrowed her brown in confusion over the words. "Oh sheesh yeah like, science fiction movies, like, you know..urm, aliens and space ships and like outer space. Sometimes they are romantic! They is such much gab subtext in them it is unreal. Don't even get me started on star-trek-" Delphine cut in.

"Which start trek film, I thought it was a series?" Delphine asked, again confused. Although her confusion was so attractive to Cosima, did they even have star trek in France? And how did she know it was a series, does that mean she watches it? All of these thoughts raced through her head and she could feel herself getting more and ore excited.

"Yes it is! It is both. The new movies and probably what you're thinking of. I love the series more than anything like, it's so good! Old but amazing! Live long and prosper!" Cosima suddenly realised how much of a nerd she was when she did the Vulcan hand gesture. She slowly put her hand down in embarrassment but Delphine thought her youthful enthusiasm was adorkable. Delphine giggled at what she had said.

"I am more of a supernatural/lost girl type of person when it comes down to that genre." Delphine said it in such a nonchalant way that it was almost egging on some sort of reaction. Cosima's whole existence seemed to light up like a spark and her grin was wider than ever.

"Really?" Cosima asked? Leaning across her lap and holding onto Delphine's knees. Delphine noticed the unconscious contact and leaned forward too, putting her hands on top of Cosima's. They both leaned in closer together as Delphine swallowed and wiped her tongue across her teeth. Cosima gulped at the anticipation of Delphine's response. Knowing they could nerd out together almost made Cosima feel faint with excitement.

"_Oui_." Cosima practically sprang on her, unable to control her excitement, or think of a more human response to it. She just pushed Delphine backwards letting Delphine support her with her hands on her shoulders. Cosima kissed her straight away pushing into her with such desire as her held held on to Delphine's face. Delphine smiled, she had made the whole thing up but she knew now she would have to quickly watch all 9 seasons of supernatural in the next week and all 4 of lost girl in a day to show she had some knowledge. She had been so stupid to make herself believe that Cosima was a book nerd only and didn't watch such shows. And now she knew, she didn't regret it, Cosima had such a fire about her. Without even thinking Cosima pulled off her tee and kissed into Delphine even more. Delphine responded by smiling into the kiss, her hands running up and down Cosima's side and hesitating around her chest. Cosima felt the hesitation and knew that Delphine was worried, it didn't exactly go as planned the last time they fooled around. But this time Cosima had been secretly reading up on it, educating herself on this felt like learning a whole knew language, the language of sex.

In the textbook she was reading around Janice were internet print outs of information, real lesbians with ideas and tricks. Half of which she couldn't even pronounce. Cosima grabbed Delphine's hand, resting her body onto Delphine's and guided it up her side and put it on her breast under her bra. Cosima smiled at the contact the raw sensation she felt all over her body, she had never expected such a small experience to feel so good. Their kisses were harder and more hungry than ever. The days after they had first tried anything were long and tiresome. Delphine had worked and Cosima had sat at her dad's bed side. But now they were both letting out what they had been waiting for for so long. Pent up sexual frustrations. Delphine's hand was caressing her and it almost made her want to moan out but she didn't read anything about if it was meant to feel that good. Delphine saw the pleasure in Cosima's face just by opening her eyes a little. Within a second she had kissed her up to a sitting position, Cosima adjusted her legs so they weren't crossed and Delphine pulled off her small blouse she was wearing. Cosima broke the kiss to admire what was happening, after letting out a groan at the beautiful sight she couldn't help but kiss more, knowing how hot she was. Delphine saw the affect she was having on the poor girl and loved it. This time Cosima knew she had to explore more, further knowing Delphine's body more than she already did. In a second her hand was teasing all the way up Delphine's toned stomach. Jeez it was so toned and hot holy watershed, Cosima had a fan girl moment, before loosing herself in their kiss.

When Delphine was just about to guide her hand she made a move and caressed her breasts too, causing Delphine to moan out a little. This part Cosima did read up on, exactly who to do it to get the perfect amount of pleasure. Cosima realised she would have to go the whole way right now, it wasn't fair to not. She was ready, hell she had been ready a second after she freaked out at the lake, she had been waiting for this. It was just the omniscience of it right now, how there was two ways out of this. Give her the best shot she could and make her orgasm amazing, or flake out of it again. Cosima was not prepared for that embarrassment. Delphine realised Cosima was slowing down her pace, and thought she might have got bored. Quickly thinking she realised she might have to up her game. It had been a long time now since she had last fooled around rather than being in a serious relationship. Moving her again she wanted to take control, lifting Cosima up in a protective hold moving her and pushing her down on her back. Cosima looked up happy, beaming and totally filled to over flow with lust. Delphine needed to take control to show her how to do things. She would be the teacher. Cosima could see the change in Delphine from sweet and appreciative to lustful and about to do something amazing. Cosima gulped and began to feel the power of that look on her core. Delphine leant down, kissing hard all over Cosima's face and jaw, looking up in the eye for conformation but doing it anyway. Her kisses trailed down her neck setting Cosima's body for what she was about to do. Cosima bit her lip hard, focusing her eyes on the roof and closing them. Her hand instinctively nudged her glasses up her nose like she did each time she needed to focus. But at the moment her whole body and mind were consumed with where the pressure Delphine made on her neck. Cosima didn't look she just felt the reactions on the places Delphine was touching and kissing and then the power hat she felt between her legs. The want and need that was trying to get out.

Delphine had made her way down to Cosima's jeans like Cosima had done before, expect this time Delphine knew exactly what to do. With a smirk Delphine sat up undoing the buttons to the jeans and beginning to pull them off, slowly dragging the denim down her long legs. It was crazy the feelings and sensations shattering all over her body from the slightest touch. The internet was right, closing off sensory experience really does make the rest better. Soon they were off, Delphine put her hands on Cosima lower legs and ran them up to her hips breathing out in some sensual intimidation for what was happening. Just from the anticipation Cosima let out a moan. Delphine kissed up and down her thighs and the sweet spots that made her breathing sky rocket. Delphine paused preparing Cosima for what was happening on the sofa in her living room and how it could never been taken back, it would never be got rid of. It would be immortalised in their minds forever.

Cosima nodded and arched her hips up at the contact.


	15. Chapter 15

15.

"What about this one?" Delphine asked pointing to the pastry under the glass counter, her hand just letting go of Cosima's. Cosima was looking all around the bakery shop taking in the smells of fresh baked bread and cinnamon all around her. It was early morning so there weren't many people in there except business people catching their breakfast before early meetings. Cosima turned back to Delphine and wrapped her arms around the woman's waist, her head looking around her side. Delphine was way taller than her, but she so wanted to cuddle her. Delphine felt the arms around her and sensed them rest on her stomach. She did good getting all her stress out at the gym. Delphine held onto Cosima's hands and smiled. Their bodies became one and the heat of her body made her heart melt inside.

"Yeah, Dennis hella loves that stuff. Like the dudes obsessed." Cosima smiled back, the woman behind the counter smiled politely at the two of them if a little awkwardly and packaged up the pastry. Cosima noticed the look and her smile faded a little, but when Delphine caught her eye it beamed back.

"Is that all?" The woman asked, putting the packages in a bag to carry. Delphine took one last look at their bag and the two take away coffee's beside it and nodded. The woman was more receptive to her, but obviously didn't like Cosima too much. To be fair Cosima hadn't done anything to her dreds in a while since what happened and she looked a little rough. Delphine called it 'natural' but Cosima knew. Delphine paid for the items and they walked back out of the shop hand in hand. To hold Delphine's hand in public was exhilarating, not just because she was dating a girl, not just because of the age gap, but because the woman holding her hand was Delphine. Delphine fricking Cormeir. The way their hands fit together and the warmth, the nerves, it was all so amazing and new. They sat on a bench in the middle of the busy mall, people wandering around already even at the early weekday hour, busy with their shopping and errands. But Cosima felt like the weight was lifted, Delphine was hers. She felt like a real woman, like 18 never happened, like the first time she wore Delphine's blouse never happened, all that mattered was what had happened yesterday. Between her legs. Over and over and over until she could take no more. Delphine was...mind blowing. Cosima tried her best to copy exactly what she had done to her, and if the reaction and the way her hips rose and kept rising was anything to go by, she was good too.

"You know I was thinking about getting a tattoo." Cosima said between mouthfuls of the pastry, flakes of it falling everywhere and the flavours were mouth watering. Delphine wiped her mouth a little and swallowed waiting to speak, she locked eyes and it sent Cosima crazy.

"Where, what of?" Delphine asked with genuine interest taking some more of her food.

"Just my wrist. What of is a surprise!" Cosima said in a mysterious voice. Delphine was suspicious and doubtful at the same time, again swallowing and responding.

"Hmmm...well it's your body." Delphine was flooded with visions of yesterday, the naked body of the woman before her, the way it moved, the sweet spots, the taste, the texture. She was a little flushed in the face at the thought, looking Cosima up and down, the hunger returning to her.

"Yes it is." Cosima agreed and winked. Cosima thought about yesterday too, and how awkward she felt but then the realisation when all her research actually helped and she wasn't so awkward and she was actually kinda good. "But we need to get these to Dennis at some point. It will literally not take long I've been thinking about this for ages and already have the designs in my brain." Cosima said licking her lips from the sugar covered bun. Delphine followed her tongue with her eyes, before realising where she was and adjusting her seating, crossing her legs. Cosima noticed this and grinned to herself, it was so easy to turn Delphine on now. Now she knew exactly how she liked it. "How about that place." Cosima pointed to the tattoo parlour at the end of the mall by the exit. It was as good a place as any. Delphine had her doubts, but she couldn't tell her yes or no. As much as she acted like her mother she was not.

"_Oui,_ looks great." It really didn't, it was dingy and dark and they all looked ready to beat someone up, even from this distance.

"It's sorted then, get a tattoo, give this to Dennis and hope Janice gets hit by a bus or something-" Cosima was laughing before Delphine cut in with a frown.

"I know you hate her, I do too, but you shouldn't wish such things." Delphine was calm and considerate, Cosima wanted to argue back but she was right, Janice was an absolute asshole but she was her step-mom and she had to respect her. Cosima shrugged in defeat, finishing up her food and wiping all the flakes away. Delphine did the same, and drank some of her coffee which was now not so hot. Cosima at the same time picked hers up and they both drank, both got up and got all their things.

"Let's do this." Cosima said, taking up Delphine's hesitant hand and began to walk down the way. Cosima had a nagging feeling on her mind as they walked close, she noticed the eyes staring and the judging looks, she ignored them. "So like, what are we, I mean like to each other?" She asked, her head down with a smile she couldn't help but reveal at the mere thought of Delphine with her. Delphine took in a breath, looking up at no where in the distance, but smiling too.

"You are my Cosima." Delphine said, but started again. "And _Je t'aime_." Cosima really beamed this time, looking up at Delphine. There eyes connecting and her heart beating so fast. She gripped Delphine's hand tighter and warmed up inside over the thought that Delphine, Delphine Cormier, the impossible French woman she fell for actually loved her.

"And I love you too-" Cosima mean it, leaning in slightly in their slow walk. "don't get me wrong, I just mean are we like..." Cosima paused nudging up her glasses and running her hand over her hair. "dating, or like you know, together-

"Exclusive? I think so." Delphine asserted with a small laugh at the thought. After all they had been through she hoped they were exclusive. She was already forgetting her past, her Danielle, NO! Just Danielle, she was just an old fling nothing more.

They reached the tattoo place, Cosima going in straight away without even thinking, drinking up the rest of her coffee and dumping the carton in the recycling. Delphine took a seat in the waiting area and was being eyed up by a woman behind the piercing counter. Delphine blushed, pushing some hair behind her ear and her eyes fell back on Cosima who was already getting seen to by a tattoo artist in the parlour.

When they had done Cosima would not show the tattoo just yet, it was covered in cling film and totally red. She refused to show her or tell her until it was ready to be shown. So they walked back down the mall to the exit and out to the parking lot, got into Delphine's car and headed back to the hospital. In the car Cosima was still not used to Delphine being so close, being so there and being hers. She had to see if it was real. As Delphine was putting the car in reverse, Cosima leaned over her chair and placed a kiss on her cheek, sitting back in the seat and grinning out of the window. Delphine felt the small peck and blushed, taking a second to recover her self even from that small amount of contact and get out of the parking space she was in. It was so hard to drive when there was such a huge distraction sitting right next to her. Cosima pulled her seat belt on and put her hand awkwardly and suggestively on the island between their two seats. Delphine saw it straight away and with a very slow and testing hand placed her own on Cosima's and they clutched at each other. She had only seen it in the movies but it was so nice and warming and just felt so loving to hold her hand whilst she drove. It wasn't a hard route to drive so she held onto her hand the whole way, holding tighter the closer they got to the hospital.

Cosima was so thrilled to be there she couldn't even contain the want to fill her fantasy of car sex after realising how good it was yesterday. She just wanted her to pull over somewhere discrete and push her chair back and do it right there. Although she didn't know how good she would be a second time, she had never read about it. But then it all sort of came naturally to her last time and she didn't need the books or the web pages. But the fantasy passed when they were pulling up into the visitors car park of the hospital. It sort of killed the mood that she could see Janice waiting in Dennis' room and looking down at them as they walked into the building, the morning sun rising in the pale blue sky.

"She is not allowed here." Janice reminded, stood at the entrance to the recovery wing her arms folded against her chest. She had been a lot more tense since the other day. She was definitely hiding something, something big. Delphine handed over the pastries in the bag to Cosima who took it with a loving apologetic look. Before turning to follow Janice, Cosima had an idea. Without a further thought she turned back and planted a kiss right on Delphine's lips. She could feel how awkward and restricted it made her in front of every one and Janice, but she needed to prove the point. Not allowing Delphine in the wing would not stop her love for her. "Come on Cosima." Janice said returning to her polite suburban house wife smile and stature when she knew she had won the battle. Delphine kissed back holding onto Delphine's arms as they pulled away.

"Give Doux hugs for me alright." Cosima said as a good bye, it wasn't a real goodbye. She would see her tonight probably when they discharged Dennis. In a second Cosima and Janice had disappeared back down the corridor, leaving Delphine helpless in the reception her hands fumbling, missing the part of her she loved the most.

"I have to do this Cosima." Janice apologised as they walked. Cosima ignored her and kept going.

"Helloooo!" Cosima called out skipping around the bed, seeing Dennis all disconnected from the machines sitting up in his normal clothes on the bed. He smiled at her, a little paler in the face than before. She dropped the bag on his lap and hugged him tight over the shoulders. He hugged back a big fatherly smile on his face, having missed her after not seeing her the day before. She leaned back and stood up next to him, nudging him to look in the bag. With a childish grin she waited on his reaction. He opened up the bag, noticing the major change in Cosima, her happiness and aura was so alive. He pulled out the pastry covered in tissue and smiled wide, looking over to her and grinning his fangy grin.

"Oh I have been craving this for so long!" Dennis said, putting his hand under his mouth to catch the flakes as he bit into it. _Urg! _Cosima thought, realising she should have done that around Delphine instead of just getting covered in the stuff. She shook the thought off watching his face as he moaned in delicious pleasure over the taste. She laughed out loud, so happy that he liked it. Janice sat next to him on the bed, her personality completely changed around him, she was sat up straight her hand on his arm in a loving gesture.

"Excuse me?" The doctor said, he appeared suddenly behind them all at the door, again hugging his clip board. Everyone turned to see him, Dennis realised he would need to speak so bit of the section of the pastry that was in his mouth, chewing politely and wiping his mouth with the tissue. He smiled at the doctor who did not smile back, waiting to be able to talk.

"Hello!" Dennis called out, Cosima had got her enthusiasm from him. "Thank you so much doctor for looking after me, sorry for all this trouble-" The doctor raised his and, Dennis silenced.

"No trouble, glad to be here to help." The doctor smiled now, relaxing his tensed up body and becoming more friendly. "Just seeing how you are?" The doctor was actually traditionally handsome. Dennis smiled up at him wiping the remainder flakes and winking.

"Right as rain!" Dennis answered. The doctor smiled, removing all memory of his menacing manner.

"I'm glad to say we can discharge you, Janice-" The doctor motioned to Janice. "has already completed all the forms, so when you are ready, you can be on your way."

JUNE

JULY

"Cosima you are very naughty." Delphine joked, wiping Cosima's nose with some flour.

"Hey!" Cosima complained with a laugh getting some flour on her hands and touching Delphine's face. Leaving a nice white hand print. Delphine gasped theatrically with a big grin.

"I never want this to end." Delphine reminisced, putting down the dough they were setting up to cut cookies from. Cosima put down the cookie cutter she had just picked up, resting her wrists on the edge of the kitchen island. They both paused, looking at each other with the realisation of what was coming in the next two months. Delphine bit her lip looking at Cosima with a sad smile. The same sad smile she had the first time they every saw each other. Cosima noticed.

"Don't get sad man, it's downing the mood!" Cosima said, coming around the counter to her love, and putting her arms around her waist. "Just forget about it alright, we have now and that's what counts right?" Cosima leant up and kissed her on the lips. Suddenly Delphine perked up, taking the affection with a big smile.

"Ok, these cookies can wait. Bed now." Delphine ordered in a playful assertion. Cosima grinned back at her, letting go from the kiss and pulling Delphine by her arms out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

AUGUST

Cosima pulled her knees up to her side on Delphine's sofa eating the chocolate truffles that she had bought from the new bakery in the town. There was a quietness between the two of them as they ate, both looking out of Delphine's living room window, on opposite ends of the sofa.

"This is it huh?" Cosima asked swallowing her truffle and getting up to go.

"Oui." Delphine responded getting up too and wrapped her long thin arms around Cosima's waist. The warmth and connection was so lovely, and they just stood there looking out to the sun.

"This is the day." Cosima said with a relief in her voice. Today was the last day she would be in the town, she was moving away to Minnesota tomorrow and it was the last chance she would have to see her mothers grave. It was also the last day she would be with Delphine. Even if she had fallen for the woman and she would always remain in her heart, she had to move on with her life. It was an amazing page of her life and she hoped to have many more. But as Delphine had said, her work at the labs was really picking up, Cosima had great prospects and they were just living life. There was no pressure between them, but there was a emptiness growing in both of their hearts regardless of whether they told themselves it was the right thing to do. To separate.

Delphine drove down to the small mud lane to the cemetery. It was a beautiful august afternoon, the sun was ripe above them, and the trees were in full bloom not yet orange or red. Cosima held tight onto Delphine's hand over the gear box, sweating a little at the event she was about to put permanently into her mind. Cosima but her lip and looked over to Delphine. Delphine smiled with her eyes back at Cosima and she felt a little relief. At least she wasn't doing it alone. Delphine parked the car and they both got out. Cosima hung back a little.

"Are you sure you are ready?" Delphine asked, coming around from the drivers side to stand in front of Cosima. Cosima took a deep breath pushing her glasses up her nose and pulling the sleeves of her jacket into her clenched fists. Delphine saw the tense statue of Cosima and moved in pulling her in for a hug. Cosima didn't relax, but then she wouldn't. It had been 18 years of ignoring it, reliving it and ignoring it, and now she would see where her mother was buried all those years ago.

"Yes." Cosima said, she moved out of her chest, feeling Delphine's cotton cardigan on her hands, the freshness of the fabric felt comforting. She moved her hands down and held onto Delphine. Together they began to walk down the path way, tree's lining it, other graves surrounding them in rows upon rows of bodies at rest. The sun cascaded down through the canopy leaving droplets of sun rays splattered all over the pathway. Cosima watched her feet as she walked in perfect timing with Delphine. Delphine knew this was hard, she just wanted to hug Cosima and pretend it was all ok. But this needed to happen, and plus, Delphine had a surprise for her.

"This is it." Delphine stated with a quite soft voice, stopping just short of one row of graves. Her mothers grave was just a few in, still new looking amongst all of the old tomb stones. Cosima took a while to look over at it, first looking at the trees and the shocking pale blue sky, the small building where you could talk to the caretakers of this place, the car park and the main road just adjacent to this place. Cars were all over it, continuing their life whilst this place laid here in eerie sunny silence. Cosima took a deep breath, holding on tighter than ever to Delphine's hand as she was lead to the exact grave.

Cosima looked down at it, the grassy mound and the jet stone tomb, bearing the name of the woman she killed.

Zara Elizabeth Neihaus. 22nd July 1970 - 18th March 1996.

Cosima stared at her mothers death date, her own birth date and almost cried. But she did not. She was so overwhelmed by the sight in front of her. She had built this place up for 18 years and now it was just a mound, just a tomb with Zara's name on it. But it still made her feel sad inside. Delphine saw this and pulled her in for another hug. Cosima didn't hold on so tightly, content that all the feelings she had attached the place over time was not coming to fruition, that she did not cry, that she just felt content in seeing it and nothing more.

"Wow." Cosima finally said muffled by Delphine's chest. They stood like that for a moment or two, just connecting. Delphine pulled her back, and saw the jumped on Cosima's wrist pull up a little showing the tattoo she had got months before. Of course Delphine had seen it since that time in the mall but she had never asked until this exact moment.

"Cosima." Cosima lifted her head up to see Delphine's. "Why did you get your name tattooed on your wrist." She didn't want to sound let down by the name in permanent ink but it was just strange. Did she think she would forget it or something? Cosima smiled, breaking away from her and kneeling down to the grave with a laugh.

"Don't worry there is a point." Cosima looked at her wrist in front of the grave, at the typography, at the meaning behind it. "Dennis said that my mother had picked it. That she chose this name." Cosima paused suddenly feeling a little weepy. "It was the only thing she gave me...My name, Cosima.." Delphine felt a pang of sorrow over herself, wow, it meant way more than she thought. It was beautiful, artistic even. Suddenly she could not think of a better tattoo ever. But there was one thing Cosima forgot, that her mother did not just leave one thing before she did. She had left Cosima herself, the most amazing gift to the world.

"Cosima I have something to show you." Delphine knelt down to looking at the name, but not spending too much time on it, behind reminded of her own past was too hard. Cosima looked over to her with a sad curiosity.

"What is it?" Cosima asked, feeling that it was something bad.

"You are going away. And we are...not." Delphine stated. "How do you feel about that." Cosima was taken a back, she hadn't thought about her feelings or how she would be after she got on that coach tomorrow. She refused to think about the practicality. In her head she would just be getting on a coach, she did not want to think past to the years she would be hundreds of miles away from the woman she loved. She let out a deep sigh.

"I don't want to think about being a part from you. You have helped me through so much, and it just feels like...to be honest, I don't want to think about how it would feel." Delphine noted this in a nod, and looked back to the earth beneath her.

"What if I said we did not have to be apart." Delphine didn't look up to see Cosima's reaction, she didn't want to see the quizzical eyes she knew were all over her. Testing if it was real or not. "What if I said I had applied for a research grant at the university and would be starting new research this new semester." Delphine still not work, but she could sense the anticipation in Cosima. "And what if I said that...it had been accepted." She looked up to Cosima who was grinning in disbelief. They both got up Cosima automatically hugging each other like I was the first time they had met, as if their whole relationship just gained new heights. "I'm coming with you my sweet Cosima." Delphine let out, she was so happy, that and the mixture of emotions she had held about coming here with Cosima, she was crying with happiness. Cosima was so shocked after months of thinking it would end today, her whole life would end, little did she know it was just starting. Cosima pulled out not really sure what to say, her mothers grave out of her mind, her whole future ahead of her.

"Is this for real?" Cosima finally said, holding Delphine by her elbows her eyes gazing at Delphine's face, full of wonder and exhilaration.

"Yes." Delphine nodded, biting her lip and letting the tears of happiness fall over her flushed cheeks. Cosima shook her head again in happy disbelief, she had no idea what to do. The love of her life was following her, they would start their life together. Away from Janice and her issues. They would be together finally. Delphine couldn't hold it any longer, she caught Cosima by the face, and pulled her up for a kiss. Their lips connected and the same innocent thrills ran through both of them, except this time filled with new adventures to come, new emotions and experiences. But most importantly the promise that each of them were making. To stay together, to make this love and connection they had live on.


End file.
